Productive Procrastination: Just Go With It

Hello, hello!  It’s been a slow couple of weeks writing-wise.  I’ve been re-reading Garnets and Guardians in preparation for another round of edits (it really shouldn’t have taken me two weeks to get through it, but I was lazy and not so productively procrastinating).  At the same time, Dad was doing a deep clean of the house and, when it came down to the last room or so, he started doing everything except cleaning what he said he was going to (he did the laundry, ran errands, put knobs and pulls on some cabinets and drawers, etc.).  When I picked on him for procrastinating, he denied it because he was doing things that needed to be done.  That’s exactly what productive procrastination is: doing things that need to be done eventually instead of what you’re supposed to be doing.  Apparently we all do it, not just writers.  I felt much better about myself when I realized that.

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It’s kind of like when you realize everyone poops.  You’re not a freak anymore.  And yes, this is a real children’s book.

 I know writers who clean their house or run errands or answer emails when they’re supposed to be writing.  I tidy up my computer files when I’m desperate to avoid writing.  I also volunteer to read for people when I’m looking for a break.  There are all kinds of ways to avoid what you’re supposed to be doing when you have other stuff to focus on.  I know some people who keep busy by working on a short story or two instead of the novel they’re in the middle of writing.  I’m supposed to start edits on G&G today, but I might just write a ten minute play instead.  Sometimes, the brain insists you do something else.  That’s okay.

Productive procrastination plays two important roles in life.  First, it gives you a well-deserved break while keeping you from feeling guilty for not doing something that needs to be done.  Sitting around and binge watching Netflix instead of writing feels like a no-no, but fold the laundry while you’re doing it and suddenly it’s not so bad.  And second, it gives us the motivation to do all the little things no one really wants to do.  I didn’t really want to do my checkbook the other day, but I didn’t want to read G&G again even more, so guess which one got done first.  It forces us to prioritize things.

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Exactly.

 Eventually, you’ll run out of things that are less painful than whatever you’re supposed to be doing, or you’ll realize you have a deadline looming, and you’ll suck it up and do the thing.  If not, then whatever it was wasn’t that important to you in the first place.  As long as you’re getting something done, take it as a win.  Yeah, I feel guilty when I don’t get my writing or edits or whatever done, but as long as I did something important in its place, I’m happy.  Every task completed during procrastination is one less thing you have to worry about the next day.  Enjoy it.

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Embrace the productivity.

Are you a productive procrastinator?  How do you decide when enough is enough and you should do the thing you’re supposed to do?  Is there a method to your procrastination or do you simply do whatever pops to mind first?  Feel free to share your words of advice with us.

See you next week!

Brace Yourself: NaNoWriMo Is Coming

Hello, hello!  It’s already nearing mid-October, which means November is right around the corner.  We all know what that means, right?  And no, I’m not talking about the election.  It means that NaNoWriMo is almost upon us.  For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s National Novel Writing Month.  Every November, a bunch of writers (new and old alike) try to write a short novel (defined by the website as 50,000 words) or a good chunk of a larger novel in order to win prizes and bragging rights.

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It’s like that.

 It’s a pretty interesting concept and their definition of “novel” is incredibly loose.  On the website, it says “We define a novel as ‘a lengthy work of fiction.’ Beyond that, we let you decide whether what you’re writing falls under the heading of ‘novel.’ In short: If you believe you’re writing a novel, we believe you’re writing a novel, too.”  It pretty much just requires you to write 50,000 words on one project in 30 days.  That’s roughly 1,667 words a day.  The goal is basically quantity over quality with the belief that it’s more important to get the words on the page, then you can revise and edit everything later to polish it up.  And the forum provides a nice community area full of helpful tips and plenty of others who are also procrastinating (why else would you be in the forums?).

I know many people who participate (many of whom often win), but I don’t.  I’ve tried in the past and failed miserably.  Up until recently, I couldn’t even fathom writing that many words in one day.  Even though I’ve done it before, I doubt I could do it more than two days in a row, let alone 30 days.  I don’t believe in writing every single day anyway.  It becomes a slog if I do that.  So, maybe I’ll try NaNoWriMo again in the future, but for now, I will remain a bystander cheering on those who do participate.

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Part of the bystander’s job? Remind them to write.

 Why must we brace ourselves even if we aren’t participating?  Because, our friends who are doing it will be posting about larger than average word counts (I know some people are sensitive about this and that’s okay), they’ll bounce back and forth between love and hate for the new novel more often than usual, and they will generally be in a writerly panic throughout the month of November.  As bystanders, it’s our job to provide love and support and understanding during this process.  It’s also our job to gently remind them to keep on schedule or catch up when they miss a day.  We never tell them to quit.  If they don’t reach 50,000, we don’t recognize that as a failure, we celebrate the words they did write.  This is how we help.  We also remind them to eat and sleep and shower if need be.  The bystander’s job is an important one.

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This works for writers too, just make sure to include a computer or something for writing.

 Are you participating in NaNoWriMo or are you going to be a bystander?  Any words of advice for newbies on both sides?  If you need support and encouragement throughout the month (or want to talk about why your writer seems crazier than usual), don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Until next week!

Five Tips For Reading Aloud

Hello again!  Recently, I did a reading at Bonnie Jo Stufflebeam’s fifth annual Art & Words Show (for a look at last year’s show, see this post).  I fully admit that I was terrified, even though I was as prepared as I could possibly be.  It’s always unnerving to speak in front of a large group of people (or a small group, or anyone for that matter), at least to me.  So, I thought I would share a few of the tips I received before my graduation reading at Stonecoast, along with a couple of my own rituals.

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Me reading.  Pardon the blurriness.

1.  Practice.  In order to read aloud well, you have to read the piece out loud.  This seems like common sense, but a lot of people don’t do it.  It’s how you learn what lines or phrases trip you up.  It’s how you get a feel for the rhythm of the piece.  For me, it’s how I figure out where to take breaths since I run out of air quicker than most.  I tend to practice once a day or so for at least two weeks (mostly because I get anxious if I don’t).  You can practice in front of loved ones, or you can be like me and do it in front of the computer.  My desktop usually has pictures of people, so I get the feeling of eyes on me, but if I screw up, no one actually witnesses it.  But yeah, practice.

2. Don’t expect a distraction free environment.  If you only practice in complete silence with no one around, distractions during the actual reading are more likely to be noticeable.  And let’s be honest, try as they might, the people who put these things together can’t guarantee absolute silence.  Be prepared for a cellphone going off or a door opening/closing or someone coughing or whatever.  I practice with my phone on and Dad bustling around in the other room and the dog wandering around and all that.  It makes ignoring the minor distractions during the actual reading much easier.

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I can’t help with this.

3.  Wear something you feel confident and comfortable in.  If you look and feel good, it makes standing (or sitting) in front of people much easier.  It can’t be just one or the other.  If you feel smokin’ hot, but your legs are cramping up from those stilettos you aren’t used to wearing, your focus is going to be elsewhere.  On the flipside, if you show up in sweats and fuzzy slippers while everyone else is business casual, you’re going to feel out of place and your focus will still be affected.  So yeah, keep that in mind when picking an outfit.

4.  Have things scripted out.  This is more for the severe introverts like myself who don’t do well with ad libbing.  Write down everything you want to say and practice it along with your reading.  That being said, don’t freak out if you have to go off script.  You know exactly what you want to say, but you might have to reword it on the fly.  It’s terrifying, I know, but I find that if I have what I want to say in front of me, it’s much easier to pick out the main points and work them to fit the situation than it would be if I had to pick them out of thin air.

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This last one is for my nearsighted people.

5.  If you’re nearsighted and wear glasses, take them off.  I did this for my graduate reading and it made the reading much less intimidating.  The audience’s faces became a blur, so I couldn’t see any judgmental looks, but I could see my pages just fine.  For this recent reading, I kept my glasses on and kept my eyes on spots just above people or between two people every time I glanced up.  Avoid eye contact, but try not to make that avoidance obvious because apparently audiences like it when they think you’re looking at them.  It’s weird, but there are ways around it if it makes you nervous.

I admit that I’m not a seasoned reader, so any advice you can offer is welcome.  See you next week!

Another Writerly Achievement Unlocked

Hello, hello!  On Monday, September 26, while many of my friends were watching and commenting on what I’m sure was a magnificent presidential debate (I couldn’t even keep a straight face while typing that), I was finishing up the first draft of my current novel attempt!  Why is this an achievement?  Because I started it on February 29th.  I wrote a novel, 90,000 words, in less than a year.  I know that might not be awesome to other writers, but for me, it’s amazing!  So, I figured it would be okay to take one post to toot my own horn.  Sorry, not sorry.

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At least it feels like I did.

 Now, the question becomes “What’s next?”  For this novel?  It gets to sit in its dark little corner of my computer for a while, all by itself.  I haven’t read through it to see if it’s any good, and honestly, I’d probably think it sucks if I did look at it right now.  So, I will be taking a break from it while I work on Garnets and Guardians for a bit.  I tend to have attachment issues to certain parts of my work if I don’t take some time away from it before edits, so I think this is the best course of action.  After all, no one likes dealing with a writer on an emotional rollercoaster.

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Time and space tempers this whole up and down thing.  Sometimes.

But first, there will be celebrating.  I still have no idea how I will celebrate, but I will.  Maybe I’ll buy myself a present.  Or maybe I’ll get a bag of chocolates.  Or maybe I’ll just take a couple of days off and binge watch Netflix.  I’m not very good at deciding how to reward myself.  Suggestions are welcome.

 Honestly, I’ll probably end up starting my initial read-through of G&G without taking more than a day’s break, because I really want to get back into it.  Has that ever happened to you?  A sudden itch to return to a certain world after an extended break?  It popped up a couple of months ago, so I sent G&G out for feedback in the hopes of having some suggestions when I finished the current novel attempt.  A couple of people got back to me, so I should be good to go.  I just don’t know where the urge came from.  I don’t usually have this problem.  It’s kind of neat, and worrisome.

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This is usually what editing boils down to for me.

 Have you guys made any new achievements lately?  How did you/will you celebrate?  What did you move onto afterwards?  Or what do you plan to do?  Take a second to stop and congratulate yourself in the comments or on my social media!  I want to be able to celebrate with you.  No humble brags allowed.  Own your accomplishments!  Be loud and proud about them.  We’re here to support each other, in the good times as well as the bad.  I, for one, enjoy seeing my friends succeed.

One Long Vacation

Hello, hello!  It has been a fairly blah few days with an unidentified sickness.  I haven’t written anything except this since Wednesday (the 14th).  It’s currently Monday (the 19th).  I guess when I said it was okay to take a self-care day now and then, my body decided to take it seriously.  Tomorrow (yesterday?), I have (had?) a dentist appointment, so I probably won’t write then either.  Shame on me, but it goes well with a question someone suggested as a blog topic last week: “What would do if you no longer needed to work/write for a living? How would you spend your time?”  Apparently, I’d spend it being sick!  Really though, it depends on the situation.

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This isn’t entirely inaccurate as far as the possibilities go.

 First, I have to actually get to a point where I’m making a living with my writing.  That’s a distant dream all on its own.  But, dwelling on my current lack of success (I refuse to claim defeat or failure in such a subjective field) isn’t as fun as daydreaming about the possibilities of the future.  However, it really depends on the circumstances surrounding my ability to quit writing.  What are we talking about?  Am I able to quit writing because I have billions of dollars and awesome investments to keep that money rolling in?  Do I have enough for the near future, like a five year plan or something?  Have I simply found a different job that I like better?  The answers are always going to be different.

Honestly, if I had enough money to survive in luxury for the rest of my life, I probably wouldn’t write much anymore.  I know I should say that I would and that writing is in my soul and I can’t live without it, but I can’t lie.  It’s just not the way I am.  Writing is great, but it’s a job.  Instead, I’d get a tricked out RV and travel the country visiting with all my distant friends.  When I got bored with that, I’d hit the connected countries.  Then, I’d look into a customized private plane if the doctor gave me the okay to fly (if not, maybe a cruise ship) and travel the rest of the world.  But cripple friendly RVs and planes and ships probably cost more than I could ever think of making.  It’s my daydream though, so the money supply is unlimited.

Port of Entry at Universal's Islands of Adventure.
Can’t forget to stop at some theme parks.

However, if money wasn’t an issue for only five years or so, I’d definitely keep up with the writing.  I’d probably take a few months off here and there to do some traveling and visiting, but I’d still want to produce work to put out for when money started running low.  Plus, I’d need some extra cash to buy an RV to do the traveling in.  So, I’d have fun, but I would keep planning ahead by writing.

Lastly, if I found a different profession, I most likely wouldn’t write at all unless the job called for it.  Writing is time consuming.  I love it.  But, if I want to do something else, that would be where all of my energy gets focused.  Though, I can only think of a couple of professions that I’d drop everything for, so I think my writing is safe.

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According to this, I’d be the most productive writer ever no matter what.

 What about you?  What would you be doing if you didn’t have to write or work anymore?  Would you go on a grand vacation or stay locked up in your home to avoid the world?  Share your daydreams in the comment section here or on any of my social media sites!

Productivity Is Overrated

Hello, hello!  I know I’ve probably posted about feeling unproductive and all of that before, but I can’t find a specific post, so that’s what you’re getting today.  I asked for some blog topic suggestions for today’s post and my friends did not disappoint.  One of them asked “What do you do when you feel unproductive?”  Honestly, it depends on whether or not I’m actually being unproductive.  Just because I feel that way, doesn’t mean that I’m not just being too hard on myself.  So, the first step is to evaluate what I’ve done that day (or week or month or whatever) to decide if I’m being my own worst critic.  Then, I go from there.

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I am quite good at procrastination.

 If it turns out I really am being unproductive for the week (I go by the week because we’re all allowed a day for goofing off here and there), I suck it up and write or edit something or do whatever it is that I need to do.  Sometimes, I have to accept that I’m going to be unproductive in my writing if I have to do extra adulting (doctor’s appointments, the dentist, meetings, etc.) or if I want to go out and have a life or something, but that’s just being productive in different ways.  I have to remember that productivity comes in many different forms.

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That’s how it usually goes.

If I have been productive, I allow myself the chance to take a day off (unless deadlines are involved, then I kill myself with work until I’m done).  If you’ve been working steadily and have kept up with your work, one day of doing nothing isn’t going to hurt you.  It might actually help.  It gives you a chance to breathe and come back to the project rested and ready to look at it in a new light.  Self-care is a very specific type of productivity that seems unproductive to everyone else, but we all do it and we all need it.  If you’re ashamed of taking a day off, call it a “self-care day” and that helps make it feel more like you’re doing something.

 Then again, if I’ve been doing my writing and editing and all of that, but slacking in other areas, I re-prioritize my time for the day.  I read (which I always put on the back burner, sometimes for months) or I adult or I devote time to checking in on friends (not as often as I should) or whatever I’ve been ignoring.  There’s always going to be something I fall behind on.  I have to accept that.

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And that’s when it’s time to start writing again.

 It’s really hard to find a balance where I almost always feel productive.  I’m always slacking on one front or another.  But since I’ve convinced myself that productivity comes in many forms, it’s a little easier (and a lot more complicated, if that makes sense) to know when I’m truly being unproductive.  I think productivity is more about learning to prioritize your time around the things that need to be done.  Sometimes, that will mean cutting back on writing in order to take care of yourself.  And that’s okay.  It’s always going to be a juggling act, and there will be times when you drop a ball or two.  Pick them back up and start again.  Eventually, you’ll learn which ones you can leave off to the side until you’re ready to swap something out with them.  The point is, you keep trying and learning and growing.  That’s the most important thing: keep going.

Labor Day Weekend

Howdy, howdy!  In the United States, this past weekend was Labor Day Weekend.  On Sunday, Dad made a baked ziti with a homemade ragù (yes, you should be jealous), and we had an impromptu thing.  Some people came over and hung out and we watched part of the UT/Notre Dame game.  It was a nice day all around.  But Labor Day Weekend wasn’t always just another weekend in this house.  It used to be a weekend spent at the ballpark or the race track or wherever the Dallas location of the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon was being held.  It was a lively, busy weekend surrounded by a bunch of MDA volunteers and local celebrities and all that fun stuff.

Labor-Day

I hadn’t participated in the telethon for a few years before it devolved into the “Show of Strength” with the departure of Jerry Lewis, then faded away into nothingness.  I don’t know why Mr. Lewis and MDA parted ways.  I don’t know why they decided to end the telethon.  These things just happen, I guess.  But I do know that the money raised over the years helped a lot of people.  I know MDA continues to help a lot of people.  It’s something I’m grateful for.

I’m also grateful for the memories of those weekends along with all of the other fundraisers I participated in over the years.  I got to meet a lot of people I otherwise wouldn’t have.  As a kid, all I really cared about was the fact that the caterers usually brought delicious desserts even if the meals weren’t all that tasty.  Now, I’m happy that I was a part of helping others like myself.  I’m glad that I got to experience the behind the scenes of the telethon, even if it was only at the local level.  I was able to observe and learn.  It’s not something everyone gets to do.

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Always had to display the nails.

 Knowing that the money went towards research and helping families who couldn’t afford equipment and the like makes it worth it.  Even when I was going through that phase where I felt guilty for asking people for money, I at least knew it was helping people.  MDA has helped me on numerous occasions, especially when I was a kid and didn’t qualify for Medicaid because Dad made too much money.  But, there was no way we could’ve afforded all of my equipment (my chairs and later my breathing machines and all that) without MDA’s help.  That’s just part of what MDA does.  It’s part of what Jerry Lewis helped raise money for.  Without him and his telethon, MDA wouldn’t be where it is today.

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At the ballpark.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is, thank you.  Thank you to MDA, to Jerry Lewis, and to everyone behind the scenes.  Not only did the telethon raise money for a great cause, but it also provided many of us with wonderful memories and fun stories to tell.  I’m sorry that the telethon is gone, but I’m happy to have been a small part of it.

Political Correctness: The Cake Is A Lie

Hello, hello!  A few days ago, I posted the following image on my personal Facebook page and one of my friends thanked me for it.  I’m still not entirely sure whether she meant it as a “hey, I never thought about it that way before” kind of thing or as an “I can relate, as someone has done this to me” kind of thing.  Either way, I was a little taken aback.  Have we, as a society, really become so politically correct that we can’t take kindness at face value?  That we have to be told when people are being nice even if it clashes with our personal beliefs?  I even went so far as to read the comments on the original post (never read the comments), and people were actually arguing that saying ‘You’re in my prayers’ to someone you know is an atheist is like serving PB&Js to someone you know has a peanut allergy.  So, you’re going to go into anaphylactic shock because of something someone said?  That’s a mighty severe allergy you have there.

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This isn’t common sense?

 Seriously though, when did we become so caught up in ourselves that we couldn’t look at things from the other person’s perspective?  Honestly, I noticed a significant rise in this type of behavior when people started encouraging “political correctness.”  The Right argues that political correctness is a restriction on free speech.  The Left argues that it’s simply about being respectful and that there’s no hidden agenda.  I’m sorry, but any phrase that contains any form of the word ‘politics’ is hiding something.  That’s what politics are: the art of who can hide their true agendas from the public the best.  It’s sad, but true.

When we can no longer walk down the street during the holidays and wish people a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or a Joyous Kwanzaa or whatever we celebrate for fear of offending someone, things have gone too far.  When we can’t try to comfort an acquaintance the best way we know how for fear of offending someone, things have gone too far.  When sincere attempts at kindness are met by snark and anger under the guise of political correctness, things have gone too far.  So yeah, this whole political correctness thing has gone much too far.

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This.  So much this.

 There’s no hidden agenda behind political correctness, but in order to be truly PC, you have to fit the mold created around that ideal.  You can’t be overtly religious, you can’t have your own opinions unless they match everyone else, you can’t be different.  But America was built around differences.  It’s not called the Melting Pot for nothing.  We should celebrate our differences, not try to squash them out.

Don’t get me wrong, the basic concept or goal behind political correctness (treating each other with respect) isn’t bad at all, just the execution of it has perverted it into something else entirely (hence, the cake being a lie).  You see, respect goes both ways (even if politicians on both sides would have you believe otherwise).  Personally, I’m not someone who believes in the power of prayer, but I’m not going to disrespect someone else’s beliefs by telling them not to pray for me because of it.  Just like when I tell someone I’m sending them good vibes, I don’t expect a lecture on science calling my vibes pseudo psychological hippie crap.  That’s the kind of crap that’ll make me never talk to you again.  Learn to accept kindness at face value.

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That works too.

 In other words, stop worrying about being “politically correct.”  Be kind.  Be respectful.  Remember that we’re all different and occasionally people are going to inadvertently do or say things that go against your personal beliefs.  And if someone ever truly hurts you, whether physically or emotionally, by all means let them know.  But if it’s simply a case of their beliefs clashing with yours, let it go*.  After all, if we were all the same, the world would be a pretty boring place.

*This only applies if they’re being nice and respectful to you.  If they’re being asshats, do what you have to do.

A To Z: Songs To Write By

Hello, hello!  As you can probably tell by the title, I’m having a hard time coming up with topics again.  Suggestions are most welcome.  Anyway, I decided to do an A to Z list (by song title) of songs that (usually) end up on my writing playlists.  Granted, every story is different and requires different music, so this is in no way comprehensive.  In fact, my current WIP has been written with little to no music.  Sometimes, noise just gets in the way.  But, when I do use music, you can be pretty sure the following songs will be playing.

A: “All of Me” by John Legend.  In case I have to write one of those sappy love scenes.  You know the ones.

B: “Battlefield” by Blind Guardian.  Because power metal makes everything you write sound more epic.  Even when you’re sure it sucks.

C: “A Cruel Angel’s Thesis” by Yoko Takahashi.  “A” and “The” don’t count.  But this is the opening of Neon Genesis Evangelion, which reminds me of Shinji, who reminds me that it’s okay to write characters you know some people are going to hate.  Because I love to hate Shinji.

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She’s not wrong.

D: “Did You Hear the Rain?” by George Ezra.  It’s a new addition for my list, but it’s awesome and that’s enough of a reason.

E: “Eres Tu” by Kany Garcia.  Because sometimes you just need a bouncy song when you’re slogging through the tedious parts of stories.

F: “Float On” by Modest Mouse.  To remind me make everything worse before it gets better, but to have my characters take most of it in stride.

G: “Girl Anachronism” by the Dresden Dolls.  The song is great, but anachronisms are bad in stories.

H: “Hiai to Melancholy” by Matenrou Opera.  No special reason.  It’s just lovely.

I: “I Come with Knives” by IAMX.  For all those weird scenes that you sit there going “what the hell is wrong with this person?” as you write them.

J:  “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars.  Because sometimes I have to remind myself that I originally liked these characters for some reason.

K: “Kraam” by Bodyslam.  A soothing Thai song is always appropriate.

L: “Love Me Dead” by Ludo.  Because sometimes I have to write about unhealthy and creepy relationships, but Ludo makes it fun.

M: “Muma -the Nightmare-” by Buck-Tick.  Because Buck-Tick, that’s why.

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What’s not to love about Buck-Tick?

N: “Neo Universe” by L’arc en Ciel.  Upbeat for all the happy moments, rare as they may be.  Plus, they have Hyde-san.

O: “Odd One” by Sick Puppies.  Because everyone needs moral support sometimes.  Even the voices in your head.

P: “Postcards” by James Blunt.  For the sappy scenes.  I swear.

Q: “Quitter” by Edgewater.  Sometimes rage is needed in stories.

R: “The Rest of My Life” by Less Than Jake.  To remind me to include internal conflict as well as all the fun stuff.

S: “Sympathia” by Versailles.  Just because I really like it.

T: “Thank God I’m Pretty” by Emilie Autumn.  To remind me that even the luckiest of my characters need to have issues.  Everything, even beauty, has a downside.

U: “Ugly” by the Exies.  Because sometimes I forget how to do teenage angst.  Songs like this help me remember.

V: “Vinushka” by Dir en grey.  Creepy, rage, dark, disturbing.  That’s the kind of stuff Diru is helpful with.  Also, beauty and depth.

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Plus, Dir en grey has Kyo-san.

 W: “Wolfen (Das Tier in Mir)” by E Nomine.  Epic music makes for epic stories.  Also, werewolves.

X: Xanadu by Moi dix Mois.  It’s actually the only song on my computer that starts with x.

Y: “You Can’t Be Missed if You Never Go Away” by Cobra Starship.  In other words, heed that call to adventure and leave me alone.

Z: “Zakuro” by Vaniru.  It’s another one of those that I just like.  I don’t know the words, so I can tune it out if I need to in order to write.

What are some of the songs that usually go into your writing or painting or whatever other creative outlets you pursue playlists?  Feel free to share some links in the comments or on my social media pages.  And don’t forget to suggest some blog topics or ask me some questions if you have any.

See ya!

Writing The Personal: Anything But That

Hello, hello!  I really had no idea what to write about today, so I went through a bunch of those list type blogs of “topics for writers,” which usually aren’t all that helpful.  One question that seems to show up on all the lists is “what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever written?”  You mean aside from all of these blog posts?  I don’t know.  I’ve never had a difficult time with any particular piece beyond the normal troubles a writer has.  I’m uncomfortable writing in the field of science fiction and pretty much anything with a political theme, but only because I’m not used to those genres.  There’s really only one thing I actively avoid in my every day writing: anything personal.  I mean yeah, there’s always going to be a part of me in everything I write, but I’ll probably never write a memoir or anything like that.  I’m boring.  Who would want to read about my life?

Fantasy-Vs-Reality
That’s why I don’t write about myself.

I don’t care for slice of life books.  Or diaries.  Or journals.  Never have.  My life sucks enough, so I’d much rather escape into fantasy and the like when I’m both reading and writing.  Happy endings aren’t entirely necessary, but adventure and magic and awe are.  I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember.  I’ve never really kept a diary or journal or anything like that for the same reasons.  I tried.  But it got really boring really fast.  Every diary devolved into a list of shows I watched or songs I heard.  I’m sure that type of writing is cathartic for some people, but I always preferred to avoid it.

Of course, there were times I was forced to write from a personal perspective.  You can’t take poetry writing as an undergrad without being “encouraged” (read: coerced) into writing about yourself.  I always felt dirty after it.  Especially if it was something I had to share with the class.  All the words sounded stupid as I said them out loud.  I either felt like I was bragging or complaining, both of which are things I try to avoid most of the time.  At least back then I avoided them.  I’m just an uncomfortable topic for me.

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Basically.

I still remember one assignment from my Introduction to Poetry Writing class that I ended up taking much more seriously than I ever intended to.  The writing prompt was along the lines of something as simple as “write a poem speaking to God” with the caveat that we had to take a cliché and make it our own.  We sat in a circle and somehow I ended up having to read last.  Everyone else wrote vague and super happy poems, then it came to me.  I didn’t even print out a copy because I didn’t want my mom to read it (she was snoopy like that).  I memorized it and offered to email it to the teacher who totally understood.  It was angry and personal and I have always thought of it when I thought of things that were difficult to write.  It’s part of the reason I started actively avoiding personal writing.

if-you-talk-to-god-you-are-praying-if-god-talks-to-you-you-have-schizophrenia1
Seemed appropriate.

What about you?  What’s the hardest thing for you to write about?  Is there a topic or genre that you actively avoid?

And, for anyone wondering about that poem, here it is:

Dear God

by Shawna Borman

I want to believe
That love is blind
And the world is kind
And that we all have time
To fall in love. 

But that’s a lie. 

I want to be loved
For who I am
Despite what I am
By someone who doesn’t give a damn
About the outside. 

But that’s not going to happen. 

I want to thank you
For saving me
From who I know I would be
At the price of not letting me be free
To make my own mistakes. 

But I can’t. 

Because…

I want to be beautiful.
I would be.
I could be.
I should be!
But this, this isn’t a matter of “shoulda, coulda, woulda.” 

I want to walk
With my head held high
And turn the eye
Of every guy
In the room towards me.

I want to be shallow.
I don’t care if they love me for what’s on the inside,
Because first they have to like me for what’s on the outside.
If the outside’s not for keeps,
No one’s going to want to dig too deep. 

And I want to hate you
For the way you made me.
But I don’t know your face,
Don’t know your name,
Hell, I don’t even know if you exist. 

But I need you to be a part of my life,
Because even though I blame you,
It’s still easier
To believe that I’m one of your creatures,
Than to know that I’m just a freak of nature.