Cripple Life

Something Pretty

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Dad’s been sick (Sunday and Monday), so my usual shower day (yes, a shower is a day long event) got pushed back to Tuesday when he felt better. I was lazy and didn’t write a post on Monday, so since it’s already after 7:30pm on Tuesday, you get a pretty picture by Yuumei! Maybe one day, I’ll explain why shower days are so long if you’re interested in cripple life. Anyway, I’ll be back next week with 39 random things you never wanted to know about me because my birthday is Sunday. I’m old. And hungry. Dinner time!

Pulling an All Nighter

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely first Wednesday of August? It’s summer in north Texas, so things are toasty. It’s actually Tuesday and I’m preparing to stay up all night so I can have a phone meeting at 10:30 in the morning on Wednesday. Why, you ask. Because it’s easier than going to bed early, but still laying awake until 4am, just to get up at 8am to be in my chair and prepared to make the call at 10:30am. Yeah. Getting up is a whole 2-hour process. So, I hate anything before about 2pm. But I do love the nighttime. I’m usually pretty productive. But it’s also boring because all my friends have day jobs or kids or whatever and no longer lurk online all night with me. Ah well. I have stuff to do.

The plan includes, but isn’t limited to the following:

1. Catching up on reading. I’m a little behind on a couple of my review books. I somehow ended up with 4 books to review between now and Oct. 2nd. I should be reading the one for the end of this month and the one for mid-September, but I haven’t started the second one yet. I’m only two days behind, though. It’ll be easy enough to catch up tonight.

2. Do a couple of things for Dad. One involves his watch and the other involves signing him up for something. These things should be relatively quick.

3. At least read through a short story I started back in June. I should even try to work on it. This will depend on how long reading takes and whether or not I can find the motivation.

4. Mindless games. Especially when the first wave of tiredness hits around 4am. It usually takes about an hour to shake it off. Mindless games are great for this time.

5. X-Men cartoons. Maybe. I keep telling myself to watch the new one, but I haven’t yet. I also want to rewatch the old ones. Or maybe I’ll rewatch Gargoyles. Or The Weekenders if I can find it. Or maybe I’ll just skip TV. It’s not important.

That’s the plan. Wish me luck with the meeting!

Another Rant

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are annoying, but fine. It’s late on Tuesday because I spent too much time on the phone with Medicaid. Again. Then, I avoided productivity in favor of watching TV with Dad. Shame on me, I know. I’m mostly just having trouble mustering up energy to do anything. I wake up tired. I stay tired despite having my usual amounts of caffeine. Sleep has been normal (just meh). Everything is just meh. Anyway, since I don’t have anything to ramble about, I thought I’d go on a rant. Don’t worry. Next week is the book review, so it’ll be a regular post.

I don’t remember if I’ve talked about it here, but Medicaid decided to force me to sign up for something called Star+Plus back at the end of May. I looked into it and everything I read said I couldn’t be on that program because I’m also on a program called CLASS, plus I’m on Medicare. So, I asked my CLASS case manager and she assured me I could be on Star+Plus, but not on the waiver program version of it. I took her at her word and didn’t think much about it.

Fast forward to July 1st when the program is supposed to activate. Some stuff has occurred that has me questioning things, so I do another search about Star+Plus. I find one super hidden thing that says people on CLASS can be on the program, but everything else says I’m not eligible for it. Add on the fact that I try to activate an online account with the insurance company that handles Star+Plus and keep getting told that I don’t exist, and I start getting antsy. Being the paranoid person I am, I contact Medicaid multiple times over the next week and a half to ask what’s going on and why my account isn’t working and how come they tried to put me on this program when I’m already on this other program, etc. For days, I get passed around to different departments and told conflicting things until someone finally escalates my case.

I feel like a Karen when I have to deal with the government and I’m not sorry about it. I’m always polite, though.

When someone finally calls at 8:30 in the morning, I don’t answer. I call back and get swapped around a couple of times until someone can tell me the woman who called just wanted me to know she was investigating my case and would call me when she knew more. Why she couldn’t just tell me that in the message, I don’t know. So, I wait and I check my YourTexasBenefits account every single day. On Thursday (Dad’s birthday), all mention of Star+Plus is removed from my account. Yay, right? I figure I’ll be getting a call that everything is straightened out and I’m back on traditional Medicaid.

Still hadn’t heard anything yesterday, so I called to get an update. I get passed around a couple of times because it’s the government and they refuse to give you a direct line to the department you need. But I end up on the phone with someone in the wrong department but who actually seems to know what she’s talking about. She confirmed I was right all along and that being on CLASS and Medicare precludes me from being on Star+Plus. Everything in her system indicates that I’m back on traditional Medicaid. She made a note that all mention of Star+Plus was removed from my YourTexasBenefits account. And she got in touch with the escalation unit for me. Supposedly, they’re still waiting for some kind of confirmation from Medicaid that I’m back on traditional Medicaid and that’s why they haven’t been in touch.

So, this has all been a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. Because government. And I’m still waiting to officially be told I’m back on traditional Medicaid. Such fun. Ugh.

It’s Disability Pride Month Again!

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay, I guess. We had a nice little BBQ with the Minion, his wifey, the family, and the new neighbors across the street on Saturday. Other than that, things keep going wrong for Dad and I’m dealing with government bullsheet surrounding my benefits. Because of that, I forgot July is Disability Pride Month. I’m not feeling very pride-y. Every time I finally feel like my benefits are settled and I’m coasting along, the government decides to “improve” something that screws everything up. And it doesn’t help that I have to fight for everything I need. I’m dreading the upcoming election. If Cheeto gets in and that Project 2025 gains traction, everyone is going to be screwed except maybe super rich white folks. So, even though I’m not a fan, fingers crossed for Biden and the status quo! But I’m starting to ramble. This is your yearly reminder that Disability Pride Month exists. Disabled people are worthy of all the same things “able” people are. We are not burdens or drains on society or dirty little secrets. We are human beings. And, according to WHO, approximately 1 in 6 people are significantly disabled and that number is rising. Yay for fun facts!

Anyway, I decided to share an explanation of the Disability Pride flag. I might have done this before, but I’m too lazy to check my previous post.

Ann Magill’s original idea contained bold colors and a zigzag design, but after complaints from individuals with sensory issues (the design triggered migraines and created a strobing effect when scrolling), she revamped the idea with straight lines and muted colors that were grouped differently to avoid the negative effects. Here are some of the meanings behind the flag:

Black: The black background symbolizes the mourning of disabled people who have been victimized by ableism or lost to disability-fueled violence, abuse/negligence, and death.

Diagonal stripes: The stripes cut through the darkness (i.e., barriers).

Multi-colored: The disability pride flag includes all six standard international flag colors to indicate that the disability is a global thing.

Green: Sensory disabilities (blindness, deafness, lack of smell, lack of taste, etc.).

Blue: Psychiatric disabilities (anxiety, depression, etc.).

White: Invisible disabilities and/or undiagnosed conditions.

Gold: Cognitive and intellectual disabilities. Neurodivergence.

Red: Physical disabilities.

Never Mind

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this first Wednesday of July? I’m annoyed as feck for two reasons. One I won’t talk about yet, because it’s an ongoing thing and I don’t want anyone involved to stumble upon a rant about it. Yet. The other thing is Medicaid bullshit, but it’s late (after 10pm because we also had visitors), so I’m not even going to write the rant I was planning. I’ve spent far too much time on the phone the last few days because no one knows anything. Tomorrow (today), will be another wasted day. So, I’m going to go eat and spend the next hour or so watching TV.

Soggy Days and Reading

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? I feel like I’ve been complaining a lot this year, which means I have been. I’m sorry. It just seems like one of those years where everything goes wrong. The government is annoying. Stuff isn’t getting done in a timely manner. The weather is insane. It’s June. We’re not supposed to be having flash flood warnings every day. We’re supposed to be staring triple digits in the face and wondering what the people complaining about the heat are going to do when summer gets here. The ground is saturated and the lakes are full. The rain can stop now. But we have been extremely lucky so far. I won’t say how because that will jinx it, but yes. Very lucky in general. So, I’m going to try to stop complaining and ramble about good things. I’ve finished reading 17 books this year, so I thought I would share some of the better ones with you.

1. White Trash Warlock by David R. Slayton. I was a little skeptical at first because my minion recommended it and he’s weird. But it’s gay urban fantasy with a tentacle monster, so I had to see for myself. I know what you’re thinking. “I’ve seen enough hentai to know where this is going!” Alas, no. But! It’s a fun read and I just bought the other two books in the series.

2. The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. I read this one for one of those Kindle challenges. It was honestly kind of a weird read. A lot of the prose was lyrical and beautiful, but much of it was stark and blunt. It was kind of jarring, but I liked it. It fit the story.

3. Otherworldly by F.T. Lukens. It’s fun and fluffy. I don’t remember much beyond that. It was super enjoyable while I was reading it, though.

What books have you enjoyed this year? As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or questions or comments here or on my social media pages!

A Little Rant

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Not a lot going on here. Just stupid government crap regarding my benefits. I can’t entirely blame the government for all my stress this time, because everything up until today was something else entirely and the people involved already know I’m not happy about how everything went down. Let’s just say stuff hasn’t been getting done in a timely manner. But today (Tuesday), I’ve spent far too much time trying to justify needing another hour of care every day. And I get it. The government doesn’t want to give just anyone benefits. They’re like giant companies that way. “You want healthcare and to be able to afford rent and food??? Damn commies.” But also, look at me. It’s pretty freaking obvious that I need care. I promise I’m not just a mooch. If they’d let me earn more than $1900 and change a month without screeching about taking my Medicaid away, I’d even try to be a productive member of society. But no. They don’t allow you to get to a stable place before they rip away the benefits that keep you alive. Just stay poor. Ugh. But that’s a different rant. Let’s get back on track.

I’m on a program called CLASS. They offer various services, but I only use the healthcare assistance service where they pay (actually Medicaid pays) for someone to take care of me. When I first got on the program at 18 after a ten year waitlist (yeah, no one even remembered signing up when we got the letter saying I was cripple enough for them), they only paid for outside help to come in. Eventually, they started paying family members, so Dad gets paid to take care of me. With all the prices on the rise and the fact that home healthcare works hadn’t gotten a raise in a ridiculous amount of time (because, you know, the Texas government), Dad requested an extra hour a day (no, he doesn’t get paid 24-hours a day because apparently the government thinks cripples are robots who just power down and require no assistance for far too many hours a day/night… as if normal human beings don’t have to pee or worse during sleep time, so cripples certainly don’t). But he’s up to 14 hours a day and the government is balking at a 15th hour. They’re forcing us to justify the request instead of just looking at my file and seeing my diagnosis (an incurable disorder that gets worse over time) and the fact that I have never asked for anything I don’t need and realizing that yeah, she needs help. It doesn’t help that they don’t reach out to me directly. There’s a middleperson. Things get lost in translation.

Anyway, it’s almost 8:00 and I’m getting hungry, so I’m going to stop ranting. But anyone who says cripples don’t work for their benefits and just get handouts have never had to deal with the government (state or federal). Fighting for shit I need is an entire job in itself. They should be paying me, but then they’d probably kick me off everything anyway. Blargh.

I’m Old… 38 Things…

~ shawnaborman ~ 7 Comments

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? It’s that time of year again. That time where I get older and everyone seems to notice for a few days, then I just go back to quietly aging every second until next year when everyone notices again. Yay! Actually, my birthday isn’t until Friday, so I seriously considered skipping this post this year. I’m lazy and coming up with 38 random things about myself is… well… it’s a lot. But I’ll try. Let’s see how far I can get.

1. Let’s just jump right in with an unpopular opinion. I don’t like fudge. If I wanted to eat a cube of sugar, I’d eat a sugar cube.

2. I’m currently obsessed with the song Afraid of the Dark by Chef’Special and have no idea way. It’s not even a very good song.

3. I’m not a big tea drinker, but I like looking at fancy tea sets.

4. It’s currently January 9th and I’ve written four days this year, not including blog posts. I’m not writing a lot, but at least it’s something.

5. In those four days, I’ve almost completed a short story. One more day should do it, plus a day to read through and flesh it out. Should be done before my birthday. It might not be good, but at least it will exist.

6. I find myself actually wanting to write the past few days. It’s weird.

7. My favorite colors are purple (heavier on the blue than red), teal, and silver.

8. I’m reading The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec for fun.

9. I’m also reading Clover Hendry’s Day Off by Beth Morrey to review at the end of the month.

10. I’m getting shepherd’s pie for my birthday dinner. Be jealous.

11. I’d rather be watching TV than doing this. Actually, I’d rather be doing just about anything else.

12. Enza sent me some stuff from MarieBelle chocolates and the brownies came in a lovely blue tin. I think I was more excited about that than the goodies. I love tins and I don’t know why.

13. I still don’t like pumpkin spice. I try it every year thinking maybe I’ll magically love it, but it’s always just meh.

14. I bought a nice sweater in November and still haven’t worn it. No reason to. But I bought it anyway.

15. I cry when I’m angry, but not really when I’m sad. It’s annoying and that just makes me cry more.

16. It has taken me over an hour just to get this far on this list. Needless to say, finding things to say about myself is not my forte.

17. I’m craving hot chocolate. I have hot chocolate. I just keep forgetting to ask Dad to make it.

18. It’s weird when people ask for my opinion like I’m supposed to know what I’m doing. I assure you, I have no idea. I’m just faking it.

19. I randomly think of the drunk chick who belted out happy birthday at me in a club bathroom then promised to slit the throat of anyone who said I was anything less than beautiful.

20. So many random drunk people stories. I don’t miss going to clubs and being surrounded by them.

21. I do miss going to anime conventions though.

22. I love pupusas.

23. My minion made me a skull and she’s sitting on my desk and her name is Hel.

24. Candy Corn is just wax with sugar in it.

25. I’m tired. All the time. Until it’s time to sleep, then I’m wide awake for the next three hours reliving something stupid I said or did five years ago.

26. I never kept a journal for more than a few days and I don’t understand how people do it. Nothing interesting enough ever happens to me on a daily basis to keep a list.

27. Sometimes, I want to pull down the tequila and sip on a shot, but then I wonder why and decide it’s not worth the trouble.

28. I sit and listen to the dogs bark then tell them I don’t believe their stories when they’re done or ask them to tell me more.

29. I haven’t watched anime or read any manga in a long time.

30. My favorite non-food smell is that smell after you cut a piece of wood.

31. My favorite food smell is probably roasting garlic.

32. I like grape soda. There’s nothing quite like that fake grape taste. Certainly not real grapes.

33. I’m thinking about rereading The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings this year. The past few years, I’ve randomly reread series, so maybe it’s time for those books again.

34. In lieu of new TV, Dad and I have watched a bunch of the old Perry Mason (can’t find all of them), all of Columbo, and the original Star Trek. We’re currently working through Star Trek: TNG, Murder She Wrote, and Monk. Plus stuff on BritBox and Acorn TV.

35. I can’t decide if I want to read The Midnight Library or Mexican Gothic as my next fun book.

36. I’m making Dad watch the new Percy Jackson show. I like it so far.

37. I also like orange soda.

38. I randomly want some flan, but it will pass.

Random Life Updates

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things finally seem to be cooling down a bit, so yay for that. I don’t have anything writerly or readerly to ramble about, so I thought I would share some random life updates. It’s nothing exciting or profound. Just mundane life crap. Annoyances. All of the stuff that I tend to overlook as topics of conversation because no one really wants to know, right? The “nothing much” that drifts through my mind when people ask what’s up. Proceed at your own risk (of boredom).

1. Annoying thing 1: Resolved. Dad gets paid to take care of me via a Medicaid program. Medicaid decided to go with a new clock in/out system this year and we have to switch over on Oct. 1st. The new company requires training to use their system and sent a notice to the people who handle payments and stuff (basically the middleman between me as the employer and Medicaid so that I don’t touch the money) that the employer (me) has to participate in a webinar or in-person training (just no to people). The latest webinar they offer is at noon. I’m not up and in my chair by noon and I didn’t want to break my sleep schedule for them to tell me how to use a program that’s pretty self-explanatory. Anyway, I did some digging and found online training videos and asked the middleman if I could just do that. She said they didn’t exist, so I emailed her the link. Two days later she emailed back that I could use them. Why didn’t they just send her those in the first place? So, that’s on my list of things to do this week.

2. Annoying thing 2: Resolved but requires monitoring. Medicare/Medicaid got hit by hackers and some of my information was among the stuff accessed. That’s always fun, right? They gave me free fraud monitoring through Experian, because they’ve proven to be unhackable… oh, wait. Anyway, I tried signing up for everything the day I got the letter, but the Experian website kept saying they couldn’t load the page. Got signed up the next day though, which is good because their customer service people went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the question I emailed them, then acted like that fixed everything. They did not get a good review. Ugh.

3. Our dog is a sadistic murderer. A few nights ago, she got hold of a small possum (maybe a large rat) and shook it into pieces. Of course she had to bring it in the house to play with it too. Dad found it’s liver in the kitchen despite the fact that she didn’t take it in there. Her doggy door is a little ways into the living room. She just whipped the poor thing around so much that bits flew, I guess. It was a traumatic event for everyone except Mardi. She tried to get another one (a little bigger) Monday night, but Dad was able to mostly keep her away from it. She’s a demon dog and once she fixates on something, it’s impossible to get her attention away from it.

4. Had a doctor appointment on Tuesday because I have a stubborn sinus infection. I took the antibiotic she called in a couple of weeks ago, but it came right back, so I went to see her. Got an allergy shot. Fingers crossed it works. She said to give it some time to work, then we can go get our flu shots and the new Covid vaccine.

5. I think I figured out how to fix my screenplay after all these years.

6. Carrie by Stephen King is so much worse than I remember. I guess when you’re 14 and devouring books one after the other everything seems better. It’s slow going this time.

I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of anything else. How’s life going for you? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or questions or whatever here or on my social media pages!

Typing Is Annoying

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. I’ve been procrastinating like usual, despite having an outline and basically knowing how the first couple of chapters should go. I blame Dad and TV, but I just can’t find the motivation to actually write. I don’t know why. So, I’m procrastinating even more by trying to find a faster way to type. I use the onscreen keyboard with the cursor, which is great, but slow compared to how I used to type. Anyway, I don’t type anymore because the laptop keyboards sit too far back for me to reach. I don’t know if I lost some range of motion or if touchpads got bigger or what, but I haven’t been able to actually type since two computers ago. So, I’ve been looking for alternatives to the onscreen keyboard. Fun, no? No.

I figured since I couldn’t reach the keyboard, I’d try getting a cheap plugin one that I can pull right up to me or into my lap to see if that would help. It’s the one pictured above. A Snpurdiri 60% wired keyboard. I got it on sale for less than $20, so I won’t feel too bad if it doesn’t work for me. It comes in different colors and it’s backlit, so that’s neat. The keys are easy to press and it’s small enough that I can pull it to me and into my lap, then get it back onto my computer and push it out of the way. But it’s too tall for me to use at the moment. I’ll try again when Dad’s not busy. Maybe a towel or something to prop my arm on will help. But it’s cheap and cute enough. If it works, huzzah! It’ll give me a better idea of what I actually need in a decent one when it dies. If not, meh. I’ll try something else.

The other option I’m considering is dictation. I tried Dragon Naturally Speaking when it first became a thing (yes, I’m old), but it was horrid and turned me off of that kind of program before I even started hating my voice. But Windows actually comes with dictation software now (it’s under the ease of access settings) and my camera has a microphone, so I don’t have to buy anything just to try it. However, I don’t like this option. Talking is not my favorite thing. People can’t hear me. I’ve been accused of mumbling. I’ve been told I have a slur (which I don’t believe I do, so wtf?). I use a ventilator, so I usually have a tube in my mouth. Even when I remove it to speak, I still have to repeat myself all the time. And I speak softly, which seems to create more issues. Talking is just not something I enjoy. At all. Plus, I run out of breath easily. So, this would be my last ditch effort to speed up the word flow and strictly used when writing.

I’m sure if I looked harder for adaptive typing aids, I could find other things to try, but I won’t. I’m not really that worried about it. Sure, I hate taking an hour and 45 minutes to type 1,000 words with the onscreen keyboard, but I’ll keep doing it. It’s not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I’m just procrastinating and I know it. At least I’m being semi-productive about it.

Do you use any special typing equipment? What about dictation software? As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages!