No Big Surprise

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this bright and beautiful June day? I’m still being a bad little writer and have nothing new to share. It’s getting really hard to find things to ramble about on here, so if you have questions or suggestions, they’d be welcome. I would say that I could just switch to book reviews all the time, but I can’t read that fast. Two-ish books a month is the best I can do. Oh well. I guess I’ll just keep coming up with stuff at the last minute. Anyway, since it’s still June, I guess I can do a Pride post. Or whatever. Just a post full of pretty colors, really.

I’ve never once felt the need or desire to come out. However, I’ve also never felt the need to hide my preferences. I’m lucky that way. People either think I’m joking when I make comments about being attracted to people or they just don’t care. And I don’t correct them if it’s the former. Most of the people I care about are in the latter category. They don’t care who I ogle. It’s no ones business but mine. Even the people I’m attracted to don’t get to know because I’m socially awkward and just keep my feelings to myself. As nature intended.

But yeah. I’m pansexual. Big surprise, right? Basically, I get the hots for people regardless of gender (the social construct) or sex (biology). If I find someone attractive, then I find them attractive. That’s all. They don’t need to have specific equipment or present a certain way. I also acknowledge that gender is not a binary, so bisexual never really felt like the right label. Technically, sex isn’t a binary either, but I don’t feel like arguing science with people, so I’m just focusing on gender. If you can’t wrap your head around gender being a spectrum, just make believe I’m bi. I don’t actually mind either way.

A pan flag with a cute little batty! By Evara Hargreaves.

“But you’re perpetually single! I know you like boys because you’re a girl, but how can you know you like girls and other people who aren’t boys?” Honestly? The same way a lot of people figure this crap out. I look at people and get those weird tingles thanks to hormones. How did you know you liked the opposite sex? Have you ever tried anything with someone of the same sex? No? Then how do you know you’re really straight? C’mon, people. You just figure these things out as you go. The first non-boy I had naughty thoughts about was Tia Carrera from her Relic Hunter days (1999-2002, so really the perfect time for me realize boys weren’t the only hot ones). Then, I eventually found boys in skirts and things just spiraled from there. So, gender and sex don’t matter to me. As long as I have eye candy, I’m happy. Personality is important too, but only if I’m actually looking to get to know someone. My social skills are not prepared for actually getting to know people, though. Ah well.

Kaya. They’re gorgeous. And one of my early-ish boy-in-a-skirt experiences.

There. If there were any doubts in your mind about my sexuality, now you know. If this is somehow surprising, you haven’t been paying attention. As always, feel free to leave your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages! I’ll be back next week with the regularly scheduled book review.

A Month of Giving Thanks (Part Two)

Hello again!  It’s already been a week since my last post?  I suppose time flies when you’re having fun.  Or maybe it’s just because I’m getting older.  I swear I don’t remember the days going by so fast when I was a kid.  Anyway, enough rambling.  A new week means another chance to share more things I’m grateful for!  As I said last time, feel free to join me.

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“A Break in Reality” by Xetobyte

1. The Stonecoast MFA in Creative Writing.  If you’ve perused previous posts, you’ve probably noticed my affection for this program.  I mean, come on.  It’s the first academic setting where I actually felt like I belonged instead of it simply being a stepping stone to my next life goal.  Of course I’m thankful for it and all of the people associated with it.  I highly suggest applying if you’re a writer.

2. Pretty Asian males.  If you know me at all, you knew this was coming sooner or later!  I’m entirely comfortable admitting that I like eye candy, preferably Japanese and in a dress (but not always in one).  If you don’t like it, that’s fine.  Most of the males I stalk are musicians, so they are also ear candy.  A couple of samples:

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Hizaki (Jupiter) and Kaya (Femme Fatale)!

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Hiro (Nocturnal Bloodlust) and Sono (Matenrou Opera)!

3. Music in general.  If there’s one thing in life that has kept me (relatively) sane, it’s music.  Yeah, as a kid, I went with the flow (aka listened to the things my friends were listening to), but I eventually came into my own.  I still remember flipping through radio stations once when I was bored and coming across Zip-Lock by Lit.  That was the beginning of my punk days.  The first time I broke away from what everyone else in my world was listening to.  It was so freeing.  My tastes have fluctuated a lot since then, so I now listen to an eclectic selection.  It keeps me going, so who cares what everyone else is doing?

4. Technology.  Without it, I’d not only be confined to one spot all the time, I’d also probably be dead.  When you require help for something as simple as breathing, you learn to appreciate the machines that help you out.  Wheelchairs, ventilators, patient lifts, and all of that delightful stuff is what I’m talking about.  Sure, TVs and cars and radios and all that are fan-freaking-tastic, but right now I mean all of the stuff that helps to make life more or less normal for folks like me.

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We’ve come a long way.

5. Stuffed animals.  I know it’s weird for a nearly 30-year-old to admit her love of plushies, but I adore them.  They’re soft and cuddly and cute.  Their beady eyes are next-level creepy, like they’re staring into your soul and getting ready to eat it.  You should know by now that I’m strange.  Don’t act so surprised.  But yes, stuffed animals rock!

I think that’s all for today.  See you next week!

A Nod to National Poetry Month

 Welcome, all!  I fully admit that I had no idea what to write about today, then I remembered that it’s National Poetry Month.  I could take the easy way, and post one of my favorite poems, but I won’t do that.  Instead, I’ll show you a poem that I wrote for one of my undergrad poetry courses.  There’s not much you need to know.  It was inspired by my love of Visual Kei bands, and a particular song, “Psycho Butterfly” by Kaya.  In case you’re curious, I’ll put a link to the song at the end.

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Kaya. The man (you read that right) whose song, Psycho Butterfly, inspired the poem.

Psycho Butterfly
For all pretty females of the Visual Kei style that just happen to be males.

Pretty colors mask the truth, poisonous to some.
Seduce them in then blow their minds.
            Sighs entice
            Eyes alight
            Legs ensnare
            Innocence bare
            And beaten away
You’re not what you seem.

Caught in your deceptive exterior, there’s no escape.
            Meaning disappears
            Awakening fears
            Not yet voiced
            At the sound of your voice
Helpless when you sing for their souls,

Only finding out when it’s too late.
            Hidden in your wings
            Intriguing desires
            Zap their strength
            And exhaust their mind
            Keeping them from the truth
            Inches from their thighs

Beauty that demands attention, none can ignore.
Under sun, under moon, under sheets,
            Touching gently
            Ecstatic fantasy
            Repels the time
            Until the discovery is made
They only love you until they know you.

That secret that you don’t try to hide yet
Everyone blames you for.
            Keen eyes
            Aggravate
            Your insensibility
            And push you further into your cage
Reality crashes down on their fantasies

            Masculine tendencies
            Incense their senses
            Yet drive them away
            Angry at the world
            Vying against their own desires
            It’s always that way
Fly away while they fall.

Look for a new predator that’ll play for keeps, but for now
You’ll keep teaching that love’s not skin deep.