Writer Life

Friendly Stories

~ shawnaborman ~ 1 Comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everything going this lovely Wednesday? Did you have a good week? Things here are okay. I’m currently trapped in my room with Mardi. She thinks it’s cruel and unusual punishment and is making her indignation known through alternating bouts of high pitched yelping, whining like she’s all alone in the world, and silent sulking punctuated with deep angsty sighs. Why is she locked up with me? Because there are people doing things in the house and we don’t want her underfoot, bothering them. No biggie. But she’s not a happy puppers and my presence means absolutely nothing in this situation. Ah well. Anyway, I spent all day Monday trying to come up with a blog post idea. Nothing. So, I put out a plea for ideas on Facebook and Jen (lil sis) sent me a bunch of ideas! The first thing she wanted to know was what type of story I would write my friends into. So, I’ll ramble about that today.

It should be “The people they know” actually.

To be honest, if we’re friends, you’re probably already in a story. At least partially. I’ve used your nicknames or personality traits or quirks or some part of your looks. I’ve probably mashed your bits together with those of other people I know. Kinky. But, anyway. I’ve most likely trapped a piece of you inside a story. Creepy, right?

As far as the type of story goes, it’s my usual fare. Horror, dark fantasy, mysteries. Sometimes you live and sometimes you die. I don’t actively decide which bits of who go into which characters. It’s not until after the fact that I notice stuff like that. And by then, the character is its own entity with only a vague resemblance to the people I know. I will say that you all usually end up in characters that I like, so if they die, I’m sad. But I love my villains, so I don’t know how comforting that really is. Probably not at all. Sorry!

Now, if I actively chose a story to put a friend into, I’d have to think about where they would fit and what kind of story would make them happy. Unless I’m mad at them, then it would be what kind of story makes me happy. But I digress. Let’s take Jen for example. Most likely a novel or even a series. A main character, because she deserves some attention, and definitely a happy ending. No horror or psychological thriller. Some kind of action fantasy, probably. A found family type of subplot. Also a romance thread, but not something super important to the story. Some kind of magical powers that take time to manifest and grow along with her emotional growth throughout the story. And, since it’s Jen, I would include her in building the story and world and characters. So basically, if I actively built stories for friends, they’d end up being personalized. That’s fun.

So, yeah. I do include people in my stories, all genres. Kind of. But I can’t do it knowingly unless I tailor a story to a person. What about you? What kind of stories do you write the people you know into? Are you aware when you do it or does it just kind of happen? As always, feel free to share your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

March Is Here

~ shawnaborman ~ 13 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. There’s some old lady neighbor drama going on, but things will eventually work out. Other than that, there’s not much going on. It’s late as I’m writing this because I procrastinated, so it’ll probably be a short post again. I haven’t made a goals post in a while, so I think I’m going to do that. These are just March goals. I’m not planning too far ahead because I’ve been really bad about keeping goals anyway, so what’s the point? Fingers crossed I can at least keep up with this stuff.

1. Write 4,000 words a week. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve met this goal five weeks out of eight. I need to buckle down and stick with it, but I’m lazy and haven’t really found the desire to keep up with it. It’s a me thing. I know. I’m enjoying the story and know where it’s going. When I do force myself to write, it’s not particularly hard and the distractions are minimal. So, it’s not that I need to switch projects. I just need to focus and find the reason I write again.

2. Read at least two books. I’ve already read seven this year, so I don’t foresee any problems meeting this goal. And only one of those was a book of poetry, so no… I’m not reading super short things and counting them. Though I do have a couple of novellas lined up for this year. But I also have a couple of 500+ page novels on my shelf. My reading varies. A lot.

3. Submit DS1 to another publisher. It’s been a couple of months since my last kindly worded rejection, so I should probably get it back out there. I still have a couple of places I want to try before I decide whether or not to trunk this one too.

4. Keep up with my miscellaneous stuff. Write blog posts. Post on my author profiles. Order groceries as needed. Try not to forget little things that pop up. Text people. The usual stuff that I do between mindless games and crossword puzzles.

That’s all, really. I was going to include socializing more, but I honestly just don’t want to. I’d rather listen to loud music. Don’t get me wrong. I love my peoples. But I prefer hermitting right now. Anyway, what are your goals for March? As always, feel free to share your comments and questions here or on my social media pages!

BooHoo

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this chilly first of February? I’m okay. I broke my writing streak on the 30th because who wants to write when it’s freezing and gloomy and you could be watching TV instead? I don’t even want to be writing this, but I am. But I proved to myself I could stick to a writing schedule if I wanted, so I’ll probably go back to my usual schedule next week (4 days of 1,000+ words, the blog day, and two days off a week). I haven’t decided about the rest of this week yet. But we’re here to finish off the number thing. This week’s prompt was chosen by Scotty, who sometimes stalks the blog. We’ve covered 13 (you can find the prompt list there), 7, 2, 8, 3, 10, 6, 14, and 11. And today, the prompt is “Tell me which book has made you cry more than any other book has.” This is a weirdly hard question.

I don’t remember being super emotional about books (or anything) when I was younger, mostly because I didn’t like explaining why I was crying if I got caught and would usually piss off whoever caught me because I would be like “it’s nothing” and apparently that was the worst possible answer. It was weird. I was weird. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a sympathetic crier, especially if it’s a dude. TV, books, movies, whatever. If a character cries, I get misty. If a character I really like cries, I flat out cry too. I hate it. It was much more preferable when nothing affected me. I’m basically growing up to be a girl and nobody wants that (yes, I know that joke was sexist and I’m all for healthy emotional responses in both men and women, just not myself). Anyway, all this is to say that it was probably a book I read in the last ten years, but I’ll be damned if I can remember which one.

I’ve spent far too much time thinking about this one since it was chosen and I’m still coming up blank. Even with manga. The closest I can come to an answer is a Facebook post from August 13, 2017: “Might’ve spent three hours finishing reading a book today. There were probably tears. Strong, manly tears. Definitely not an ugly cry. Okay, maybe a little ugly.” It was about The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. I don’t even remember why it made me ugly cry. But apparently it did. That’s probably why it still ranks among my favorites. So, since it was Facebook worthy, I’m just going to make believe this is the answer.

And this is going to be a short post because I can’t think of any other books to ramble about. Anime, though. Definitely Fullmetal Alchemist. There are two particularly traumatic scenes that get me every time. If you’ve seen it, you know what they are. Anyway, what books made you cry? As always, feel free to leave your comments or questions here or on my social media pages!

Bonus pic of our icy backyard:

A Book For Bed

~ shawnaborman ~ 1 Comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this fine Wednesday? Things are going okay here. I recently crossed the 10,000 words mark on the current novel attempt. I’m still writing at least a little every day. Meeting my goals. Fingers crossed I can keep it up. But anyway! Today, we’re doing another number thing. The lovely Melinda chose number 11. I’ve done 13 (you can find the prompt list there), 7, 2, 8, 3, 10, 6, and 14. Only have number 1 left for February first unless someone wants to pick one of the remaining prompts. Feel free. This week’s prompt is “Tell me which book is the best to read while curled up in bed.” Uh, wait…

I was going to say that I don’t read in bed, but that’s not entirely true. There are times when I can’t sleep that I get Alexa to read to me. I’m too cheap to buy audiobooks, mostly because I prefer to actually read things (I just don’t retain things as well when I only hear them). But most Kindle books have an accessibility feature that lets Alexa devices read them aloud. It’s not perfect and she can’t read words different ways based on context (for example, tear is always pronounced like a rip even though it should be an eye raindrop), but it works well enough for the amount I use it.

Like I said, I can’t retain details well by just hearing them. I’m very much a visual learner. Show me something once and I’ve got it. Write the instructions down and I can figure it out. Tell me how to do it without the thing right in front of me and expect me to do it later… nah. I get distracted too easily without something to focus my eyes on. So, the only times I really listen to books in bed is when I’m close to some kind of action and super into it so I know I’ll focus OR when I’m annoyed/bored with a book and don’t want to waste time reading it but also don’t want to give it up. It’s usually the latter.

The latest book I read in bed was Lord of Silver Ashes by Kellen Graves. I bought the first book of the series without realizing it was self-published (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I usually do a quality check before I buy self-published things). The story was fun and I liked the characters, but the editing was absolute shit (and yes, they claimed they had an editor). So many continuity errors and typos and the em dashes… just stop. But I decided to give the second book a shot because I liked the premise. I shouldn’t have. It was even worse with glaring continuity errors that made the big reveals absolutely useless. Like… we knew that in the last book so why are you freaking out now? Anyway, I gave up half through and had Alexa read it to me. It helped make it more enjoyable not having to see all the errors, so I might try book three when it comes out. I’m invested and kind of a masochist, I guess. Blargh.

I also vaguely remember A Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder by Joanne Fluke. It wasn’t bad, but there were so many words. It was dense and slow and I was only reading it for one of those stupid Kindle reading challenges, so I gave up a few chapters in and let Alexa read the rest a couple of chapters at a time when I couldn’t sleep. I admit it’s a good way to get sleepy. Listening to boring books.

So, I guess I do read in bed, but it’s usually because I’m not enjoying something about a book. Is that weird? What do you read in bed? As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

37 Things

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone’s Wednesday going? Things are fine here. It’s that time of year again where I’m supposedly getting older. Tomorrow (the 12th) is my birthday. Probably just going to order Greek for dinner and spend the day writing. Unless I use it as an easy day and just goof around. Haven’t decided yet. Anyway, I’m skipping the book number thing this week in favor of a random about me thing. I don’t know why I started doing this. It takes forever. But whatever. I’m 37, so here are 37 random things about me.

Tomorrow, anyway.

1. I’ve written creative words every day this year. A whole 10 days. I’m trying to stick to a schedule where on Sunday, Tuesday (or whatever day I write my blog post that week), and a lazy day of my choice, I write 100 words on the current novel attempt. The other four days, I’m aiming for 1,000 words. At least until I finish a first draft (the goal is approximately 90,000 words for this one). It’s basically my old schedule, but with no zero word days because it’s too easy to talk myself into quitting right now if I don’t write words. So far, so good.

2. I haven’t gone anywhere (where I left the van) aside from yearly doctor appointments and a couple of trips to a hardware store that’s usually empty since Covid started. I’m mostly okay with this.

3. I do miss going to restaurants and the occasional concert, but that’s about it.

4. Telehealth visits are wonderful. It means we don’t have to drive all the way to UT Southwestern just to wait 45 minutes for a five minute chat. I like my doctor there and wouldn’t mind meeting her face-to-face (we haven’t because my old pulmonologist retired after Covid started, so computer visits were already a thing when she took over), but I like not having to leave the house too.

5. I’ve become fond rye and ginger beer.

6. Kraken rum and Pepsi is pretty good too.

7. I’m not a sot. I swear. I have a drink maybe once a week.

8. I still have most of my Kah reposado and Republic anejo tequilas. Mostly because I don’t have anyone to sit around and sip booze with once in a while, but whatever. If I were a tosspot, they would be gone.

9. It’s that time of year where I panic because I have a scratchy throat (Flu! Covid! Dying!) only to remember that it’s Mountain Cedar season, so my options are living with a scratchy throat/excess mucus/sinus headache or live in a Benadryl/Zyrtec haze for the next couple of months if things get unbearable. This is just my life now.

10. I despise ordering groceries from Kroger. There’s almost always some kind of glitch on their website. They never tell you what’s out of stock until it’s too late to modify the order. Canceling orders is ridiculous and there’s a 50/50 chance it’ll still show up. Plus, most of the time, they don’t have a previously ordered section to make life easier.

11. Walmart is better, but the few times we’ve ordered dairy or produce through them, it went bad within a few days despite the best by dates being reasonably far away. It’s weird.

12. Amazon Fresh is pretty good, but they have the worst meat selection. The diversity of the selection is good, but they only sell them in one pound portions most of the time. We can’t survive on that.

13. Tom Thumb is our go to, but only because Dad can call them up and they usually fix things. Usually.

14. I’m already running out of things to say about myself in case the ordering groceries mini rant didn’t make it obvious. Talking about myself is hard.

15. I’m great at bottling everything up, but expressing feelings and shit is hard. I keep my responses to everything (good or bad) moderate and I don’t know how to fix it. How do I show excitement or happiness? The anger and rage can stay in the box in the abyss of my soul, but I would like to become better at expressing the good stuff.

16. I’m not a physically affectionate person. At all. I can’t be. It’s not like I can randomly hug people or whatever. And I have a super hard time asking for things that I actually need to survive and/or be comfortable (the whole burden mentality is a bitch to outgrow), so I just can’t see myself ever asking for cuddles or whatever. I don’t know how to fix this either.

17. And now I’m super uncomfortable with the last two shares, but it’s getting late and I still have too many to go, so I guess I’ll leave them.

18. Despite my aversion to being touched (one reason I’m not affectionate), one of my favorite A-Kon (anime convention) memories is of the dude who rubbed all up on me in the Sheraton bar. He asked if he could love on me and then massaged my arms and knees while whispering sweet nothings at me. He asked if I was okay with what was happening every time he switched hand placement. I’ve never felt more comfortable with a stranger touching me. It was weird and innocent and amusing. And I still randomly think of him and hope he’s doing well.

19. I also randomly think of the dude and his friend who gave me a lap dance at Lazerz when I was like 20. That was strange and not something I would let happen now, but I was young and stupid and didn’t really care about being touched as long as something pretty was dancing for me.

20. I know I shouldn’t objectify people, but I can’t help it. I enjoy eye candy. I’m not a dick about it. It’s not like I catcall people on the street or harass them online. I appreciate from afar and mind my manners.

21. I don’t understand expensive coffee. Dad decided to try some Kona coffee and it’s good, but it tastes like… coffee. Same with chocolate and wine and stuff. I’m just not sophisticated enough, I guess.

22. I am eternally tired. It doesn’t matter how well I sleep (not that I sleep well often). I wake up tired.

23. I get irrationally upset when I find a book with a good story and characters I enjoy, but it’s full of continuity errors, typos, and punctuation errors. It’s so disappointing, but I usually rage read it just to have something to rant to myself about at night. So much potential just absolutely ruined by a horrible editor (or lack of an editor).

24. I’ve been working on this list for three hours. I’m so uninteresting. Sorry. But at least it’ll only take you a few minutes to read.

25. I love peppermint bark. In chocolate form or coffee form or whatever. You can’t go wrong with chocolate and peppermint.

26. I always say I need to catch up on anime or tv shows I don’t watch with Dad, but if I have time, I end up playing mindless games while listening to loud music.

27. Years ago, I stopped playing video games because crippleness (my last big mobility loss affected my arms and hands and I lost the ability to lean forward on my own). That was before adaptive controllers existed. Now, I hesitate about getting back into them because they are/were addictive. I get sucked into my mindless games occasionally. Can you imagine what would happen if it was a game I actually liked?

28. I wouldn’t mind dancing around and being stupid with people. I don’t think I’ve done any dancing with others since Stonecoast. Used to dance at anime conventions and clubs. That’s not happening any time soon. If I had local friends aside from the Minion, I’d say we have a backyard, but everyone is so far away. You guys suck. Not really.

29. My coping mechanisms for life in general could probably be better. A dark sense of humor and self-deprecation have helped me survive this long, though, so I won’t change anything.

30. I started following other cripple people on social media and found out that pee math is a thing cripples have to do. Calculating how much they can drink and knowing where the bathrooms they can use are, etc. I mostly eliminated that a long time ago by training myself to just hold it, but I still have to do it for all day events. I have to know which drinks I can have and when I can have them so I can make it home. Or we have to drag my lift with us and that’s more trouble than just doing the math. But yeah. Pee math is a thing you know about now. You’re welcome!

31. Amazon started doing Kindle Reading Challenges and the only thing I get out of them are little bookmark icons that do nothing and can’t be seen by anyone but me. They don’t even send a congratulations for completing the challenge. But I get so ticked off if I fail to get one of the stupid things. Is that weird?

32. Mardi has me trained to go get her when she nudges my feet and whines while Dad’s out in the garage or running errands. Then she just wants back down two minutes later. Spoiled pupper is spoiled.

33. I’m currently craving flan and I don’t know why. It’ll pass.

34. I’m far too old and boring to be making these kinds of lists. There’s nothing interesting about me that people don’t already know. Ugh.

35. Surprisingly, I’d rather be working on the novel than this post. I never thought that would happen. But I’m sure as soon as I schedule this and open the file to write my 100 words it’ll be like pulling teeth. I’m never satisfied with anything until I’m done.

36. Holy shit. This post is about 1,700 words according to the WordPress word count thingie. No wonder I hate it.

37. Gott Ist Ein Popstar by Oomph is a decent song to end this list to. It’s what’s playing right now.

Sorry for the length. As always, feel free to leave comments or whatever here or on my social media pages!

Couldn’t Stop

~ shawnaborman ~ 10 Comments

Hello, hello! It’s 2023! How’s it going so far? I’ve started a new writing schedule, working on a new novel. So far, so good. It’s only been three days and two of them were “easy”, but I’ve written each day. It’s better than what I was doing (nothing). We’ll see how long it lasts. Anyway, we’re here so I can ramble about another number thing. In case you’ve forgotten, I’ve covered 13 (you can find the prompt list there), 7, 2, 8, 3, 10, and 6. Today is 14, courtesy of the fabulous Cecilia. And I’ve got 11 and 1 left to do before I have to start thinking of my own randomness again. Today’s prompt is “Tell me which book you read without being able to put down.” Uh…

First instinct was to rattle off the usual suspects: anything Rainbow Rowell, The Scorpio Races, etc. But I figured you’re tired of hearing about them, so let’s see what else I can think of. I vaguely remember finishing The Stand by Stephen King in less than a week. Granted, I was young and much faster at reading than I am now, but I took that book to the hospital with me, so I must not have been able to quit it. I binged a lot of Stephen King as a teen, though. Harry Potter and LotR as well.

More recently was the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy by Laini Taylor. Those books were so good and I made it through all three in about a month. I was so happy when I found out I didn’t have to wait for new releases, but then I was sad that I finished them so quickly. Same thing happened with the Folk of the Air books by Holly Black, but at least she’s still releasing stuff related to the books. Just got my copy of The Stolen Heir and am only putting off reading it because I can’t handle more than three books at a time (yes, somehow I ended up reading three books right now). But I’m expecting it to be my next “can’t put down” book.

I’m trying to think of ones that took me by surprise. Ones that I started reading and they were just kind of meh, but at some point and for some reason, I ended up getting sucked in. I suppose Bright Ruined Things by Samantha Cohoe counts. It was one of my review books, so I had the reading schedule all planned out, but eventually found myself reading extra chapters until one day I decided to just binge the rest. I was unsatisfied with the ending, which I still randomly think about, but getting there was nice. Another was So This is Ever After by F.T. Lukens. I knew going in that it was going to be super predictable and I’d probably only read a little bit at a time, but it turned out to be so adorable that I couldn’t stop. I also did that with In Deeper Waters (same author). I kind of can’t wait to see what books surprise me this year.

What books have you read that you couldn’t put down? I need suggestions of things to read. Help a chick out. As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages!

Whispering Wind: A Short Story

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this fine Wednesday? Things are normal here. I couldn’t think of anything to blog about, so I dug through some of my old writing assignments and decided to post one from my Intermediate Fiction class at SMU. It’s from 2010. I haven’t revised it since then or even read through it to see if it’s worth posting. I vaguely remember the premise. Sorry in advance if it sucks, but at least you get to see how I’ve grown as a writer if you’ve read my recent stuff! It’s just under 2,000 words, so it’s not too long. As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments here or on my social media pages.

Whispering Wind

It was a crisp autumn afternoon and the sun was shining brightly through the leaves of the trees that surrounded the pond.  Just visible through the trees was a wrought-iron fence that encircled the water and the sea of markers, some simple and others ornate, that named the ones sleeping beneath them.  The gravestones stopped near the edge of the pond; about halfway between the last markers and the water, a little girl sat in the sun where the grass was green.

Though alone, the girl was laughing and smiling and talking away.  As the shadow of a cloud passed over her, the girl looked up and asked, “Are you happy?”

The only response was a breeze that rustled the leaves of the nearby trees.  The leaves shone like jewels in the sunshine and the girl smiled.  She sat quietly for a few moments and stretched her arms towards the sky.

“Do you love us bunches?”

A ripple in the pond made the sunlight dance over its surface.  The girl stared out over the pond in awe, her bright green eyes sparkling.  She broke out in laughter and clapped.

“Yay!  I love you too!”  She paused as her laughter died and continued to stare over the water.  “Hey… do you miss us?”

A gust played with the ruffles of her black dress and caused her long, auburn hair to drift across her face.  Two leaves, one gold, the other reddish-orange, swirled around her as the wind died; they settled softly on her lap.  The girl smiled and picked up the leaves by the stems.  “I miss you too…”

The girl’s conversation continued for awhile as she described the events of the past few days to her unseen companion.  She explained that everyone had been sad and that they had tried to hide their tears from her… that she didn’t understand why everyone was sad when they told her that Heaven was a happy place.  She giggled as she talked about her puppy, Mickey, and how cute he looked when she put her dolly’s hat on him.  As she talked, she would occasionally hold the leaves out in front of her as far as her arms would stretch and smile.  Each transition in her conversation was acknowledged by a light wind, a rustle of leaves, or a ripple of the water.

A tall woman in a black pantsuit approached the girl and knelt nearby.  A breeze blew the woman’s reddish-brown hair across her face, and as she brushed it back, an older version of the girl’s smile and bow lips appeared.  The woman stretched out her arms and said, “Come ‘ere booger bear… what’re you up to?”

The girl got up, careful not to drop the leaves, and ran to the woman.

“Mommy!  Lookie… I got a present!”  She held the leaves up so that her mother could see them clearly.  “This one’s for you, though…”  She held out the gold leaf so that the woman could take it.

Taking the leaf, the woman asked, “Where’d you get these?  They’re very pretty.”

“From daddy.”

The girl said this so matter-of-factly that a frown flickered across the woman’s face.  “From daddy?”

“Yup… he misses me and you, mommy… but it’s still okay because he’s happy and he loves us bunches.”  The girl wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and hugged her tightly.

“I see… but… it’s time to say bye-bye to daddy.”  The woman hugged the girl close, tears glistening in her eyes.  She kissed the girl’s forehead and, as soon as she was sure that she wouldn’t cry, she rose and shifted the girl to her hip.

They each held their leaf securely as the woman carried the girl towards a group that surrounded the newest stone marker.  As they approached, the people separated, revealing a few rows of chairs, a dark casket, and a picture of a man in his early thirties with the same vibrant green eyes as the girl’s.  The woman sat close to the picture and cradled the girl in her lap.  The others gathered, some sitting and others choosing to stand, and the pastor took his place next to the casket.

As the man with the white collar spoke, the girl stared at the picture next to her.  She remembered that every Sunday he would make waffles for her and her mother and he would give her extra syrup… she remembered the day that he brought Mickey home for her and how cute Mickey was with the red bow around his neck… and she remembered the bedtime stories that he told her.  She also remembered getting in trouble for running out in the street… and she remembered getting sent to time-out for not listening to him and her mother when they told her that it was time to turn off the TV.  The memories flooded through her mind but one stuck out to her.

It was a stormy night a few months ago and she couldn’t sleep.  She had picked up Mickey and had gone to the study where there was still a light on.  As she peeked through the half-opened door, Mickey whined softly and she squeezed through the opening.  “Daddy… Mickey’s scared…”

The man behind the oak desk looked up and smiled.  He stood and moved to the sofa, beckoning her to him.  “Well, what’s wrong with Mickey, booger bear?”

“He doesn’t like the angry rain… it scares him so he can’t sleep…”

“So he’s scared of the thunder and lightning, huh?  Well, let’s see what we can do about that.  Do you want to sleep in here?”

“Yes, please!”  The girl smiled and held the puppy out to her father.

The man took the puppy so that she could climb onto the sofa.  After she stretched out, he set the puppy in her lap and took the quilt that was lying over the back of the sofa and tucked it around the girl and the puppy.  The man kissed the girl’s forehead and nuzzled her nose with his.  “That better?”

The girl nodded and grinned.  “Hey daddy…”

“Yes, booger bear?”

“Will you sing the song?”

The man chuckled and poked her nose.  “Anything for you.”

He went to his desk and pulled the chair around next to the sofa.  As he sat down, he began to hum her favorite tune and was soon singing “Hush a bye… don’t you cry… go to sleep my little baby… when you wake… you shall find… all the pretty little ponies…”  She had fallen asleep before he could sing anymore but she had felt the gentle pressure of a kiss on her forehead.

A moist drop on her cheek had brought her out of her memories and when she looked up she saw that her mother was crying.  The casket was being lowered into the ground and her mother helped the girl off her lap, standing next to her.  As they approached the grave, the girl looked up at her mother then at the leaf in her hand.  Her mother had told her that she was supposed to take some dirt and sprinkle it on the casket but she just stared from her mother to the leaf then to the hole in front of her.  With her mother watching her, she looked up at her once more then took a step towards the grave, holding the leaf out in front of her.

“Bye-bye daddy… I miss you, too.”  She opened her fingers and watched the leaf drift down and settle on the casket.

The woman smiled at the girl as she wiped her eyes then followed the girl’s example.  The girl watched as the other people dropped handfuls of dirt into the hole and said their goodbyes.  She was hugged by each person at least twice before her mother said that it was time to go home.  She went back to the grave one more time before her mother directed her towards the car.

“We’ll come back soon, daddy!”  She smiled and waved at the headstone.

The girl ran back to her mother and they walked to their car hand in hand.  As she was getting in the car, a breeze blew across the cemetery, rustling the leaves of the trees and rippling the water of the pond.  A bird sang from a nearby tree and the girl giggled.  She just smiled at her mother’s questioning look and, as the car door was being closed, she whispered “I love you too, daddy.”

#

During the following months, the girl and her mother visited the gravesite every Saturday.  The girl remained the same, always laughing and smiling but the woman had lost weight and bags had formed under her eyes and her hair was unkempt.  The girl watched as her mother said less and less to the stone marker.  The length of her own conversations never diminished and each week her mother would have to tell her multiple times that they should get home.  Every time that her mother said it was time to go, she would think of something else that she had to tell her father.

It was still the same after four months, her mother wouldn’t say much but they would stay for an hour or so while the girl talked.  One Saturday in late February, her mother didn’t say anything to her father.  It was cold and cloudy but the girl jabbered on and on as usual.  Her mother stood silently by, swaying slightly, with her eyes closed.

Fifteen minutes into her conversation, her mother said “Let’s go, booger bear.  It’s cold.”

“But we just got here, mommy.”  She looked up at the pale face that was staring back at her.

“I know, but it’s cold and mommy’s tired.”

“Ten more minutes, please!”

A gust of wind blew the woman’s hair across her face, hiding her expression from the girl.  “You know mommy worked late, can we please go home so I can rest?  We’ll stay as long as you want next week, okay?”

“Five minutes?”  She smiled.

“Now, please.”  Her mother took a step away from the grave.

“But I still haven’t told daddy about Mickey’s new trick.”

“You can tell him next week, let’s go.”

“But, mommy…”  She was interrupted.

“That’s enough!  I am tired and cold and I said it was time to go, so march!”  The woman pointed towards the parking lot.

The girl didn’t argue, nor did she acknowledge her mother’s command; she just stared at the seemingly dark gray water of the pond.  The wind had died completely and large drops of rain were beginning to fall from the sky.

“Great… now it’s raining.  We’re leaving.”  The woman grabbed the girl’s arm.

“No!  It’ll make daddy sad if we leave!”  She pulled against her mother’s grip as the rain worsened.

“This is getting ridiculous… daddy’s not here!  He won’t mind if we go home!  Do you understand me?”  The woman was quivering with frustration.

As tears began to fall down her face, the girl struggled even more against her mother’s hold.

“That’s enough!”  The woman’s free hand jerked upward.  A flash of lightning silhouetted the sudden movement against the sky.  As her hand was just coming down, a loud crash of thunder caused the woman to flinch.  She stared at her half-raised hand and muttered “Oh my God.”

The girl was sobbing loudly now and between the sobs she let out, “He’s not at home either.”

The woman gathered the sobbing girl up in her arms and held her.  “Shhh… I’m sorry.  It’s okay.”

They stayed huddled next to the gravestone for a half hour before the girl had calmed down.  They rocked together, the rain hiding their tears.  Finally the woman asked, “Want to go get some ice cream?”

The girl sniffled and nodded.

As they were walking to the car, hand in hand, the woman looked over her shoulder at the marker and whispered, “Thank you for stopping me.”

Working Hard? Hardly Working.

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? Enjoying your September and pumpkin spice? It’s still in the 90s here, so I have no interest in autumn drinks yet. But it’s time for the last ‘get to know me’ post unless someone picks another prompt or I decide to cheat and pick one myself next week. I might even look for new lists like this. I saw one about books the other day. Maybe I’ll hunt that one down for October or November. It’s just so much easier to write a post from a prompt. Anyway, if you’ve been following along, you’ll know that we’ve covered 47, 13, 43, 33, and 11. Today, Jen chose 27. The prompt is ‘work from home or office culture.’ I have no office experience, but I’ll try to think of something to say.

The list one last time.

I’ve never really thought about office culture before. If I compare it to college, I probably wouldn’t mind it. Being in a company where I’m doing my own assignment/job and mostly interacting with co-workers in need be or even semi-social situations doesn’t sound entirely horrible. Now, if it’s a group project, hell no. I hated them in school and would hate them at work. I was usually the one doing most of the work because I valued my grades. Put a paycheck on the line and I’d end up doing all of the work. No thanks. But yeah… as long as I could keep my head down and do my own work, I wouldn’t be opposed to a mundane office job. Pre-plague anyway. I wouldn’t want one now.

Working from home is fine. It’d be easier on me because my computer and everything is already set up for me. Being able to do things via email instead of face to face is divine. I would hate it if I was required to make phone calls. And random Zoom meetings would be horrible. But working from home sounds like a better choice overall. Which is why writing seemed like a good fit for me. I do the bulk of things on my own and (so far) everything else is done through emails and submission portals. No one has to hear my voice and that makes me very happy.

It’s me! And video calls are worse.

However, working implies that I get paid regularly, which I don’t. So, I can’t really tell you which of these scenarios I would prefer. I have to be super careful about any paying job I get because I have to worry about losing my benefits. It’s a whole thing. I mean, they took away my SSI and made me apply for a different version of Medicaid because the government started paying me a whole $12 extra a month which put me above the SSI cutoff. Not that anyone could actually live on what the government gives me. But I require Medicaid in order to survive, so my options are get a super high paying job with excellent benefits even though I have zero work experience, marry a multimillionaire and hope the prenup gives me a few million to live on just in case, or stay poor. So, yeah. Easy-peasy, right?

There you go. I’m not opposed to office work, but work from home sounds much better. What about you? Are you an office minion or do you prefer doing your work in your underwear? As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Birthday Bragging

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? I can’t believe we’re already in the down swing of January. Next week is my end of the month book review. Time just isn’t going to slow down anymore. But I’ve been writing. Still only a quarter of what I used to write, but it’s been steady and it’s getting easier to start each time, so hopefully I can work my way back up soon. Aside from that, I have nothing writerly to talk about. So, I thought I’d share my birthday swag with you.

Food and sharp things, you perverts.

For my birthday meal, Dad made a pastrami and smoked mac-n-cheese! Yum… And when I say he made a pastrami, it started out as a brisket. He corned the beef, then did the magic that makes it into a pastrami. I don’t know the technical details. It’s magic! And it includes smoking it for around 20 hours. With his new smoker, he should’ve been able to set it and mostly forget it, but the fan/billows thing decided it didn’t want to work properly, so he didn’t get much sleep that night since he had to check on it periodically. I don’t have any pictures, but there are five more bags worth of meat in the freezer (a couple of meals each). The mac-n-cheese had four different cheeses, totaling about two pounds. A panko breadcrumb topping. Some beer. Such cheesy. Much yum. You can be jealous. It’s okay.

Then, a couple of days ago, I got a box from Enza in the mail. It was the New Years in Kamakura box from Sakuraco! There’s a lovely set of chopsticks and a bunch of snacks and some tea. It’s from Japan, so of course all the labels are in Japanese. I know a little of the language, but not that much. I didn’t keep up with my studies (ごめんなさい, 先生). Luckily, a booklet is included that tells you what everything is, tells you a bit about the region everything comes from, and is very specific about how to make the tea. As of the time I’m writing this, I haven’t had a chance to try anything, but I’m looking forward to it!

Borrowed from the website.

Yesterday, a package arrived from the Ukraine. Dad got me my first axe! See, at least one person reads my posts. He started looking after he read this one. It’s beautiful and heavy and sharp. He bought it from ValhallaWorld on Etsy. Don’t be fooled by the cheaper versions. If you look closely at those shops, you’ll see the telltale signs of imposters. All of the descriptions are the same and slightly wonky. It’s weird. But my new axe is excellent. Now, I just have to figure out where I want Dad to hang it!

So, I had a lovely birthday week. Thank you again to Dad and Enza and everyone who sent me birthday love! I’m old. I know. As always, feel free to share your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

A to Z of Me

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this week? Things here are good. I’ve been writing and all of that fun stuff. Fingers crossed that I can keep it up! But, I’m not really here to talk about that right now. It’s my birthday tomorrow (actually today when this goes live), so I thought I’d do another “getting to know me” type post. Instead of 36 random facts about me, I decided to look for one of those A to Z questionnaire things. They’re shorter and I don’t have to think as much. I randomly found this one during a Google search, so here we go.

A… If you were an ANIMAL, what would you be?

Probably some kind of fish. One of those ugly deep sea fish with the little light lure thing on its head. An anglerfish, I think. That might be cool.

B… BOOKS: What’s on your reading list?

Right now, just the book for January’s review post and one I ended up with to review in mid-February. Otherwise, my list is mostly the same as the last time I posted about it, but I’m slowly chipping away at it and randomly adding new stuff. I’m sure I’ll run out of stuff to talk about and share a list soon enough.

C… COMPULSIVE about anything?

Far too many things. I have a few weird rituals that I do repeatedly throughout the week, mostly when I’m in my lift for an extended period of time. It’s stupid and does nothing, but it makes me feel slightly better.

D… DREAMS: Do you… dream in color? remember your dreams? keep a dream journal?

I don’t journal at all. And it’s rare for me to remember my dreams. They’re either super mundane or straight up nightmares, nothing in between. Almost always from my own perspective and in color.

E… EATING: What’s your usual snack?

I don’t really eat snacks unless Dad and I are having a lazy day. I guess chocolate mostly. I’ll have a piece before bed if that counts as snacking. Chips if we have them. Once in a while, popcorn. Or whatever leftovers are in the fridge.

F… A Few of your FAVOURITE Things?

Food. Animals. Books. I could go on, but you just asked for a few.

G… GIGGLES! What (or who) makes you laugh? Do you have a good sense of humor?

I basically have the sense of humor of a 12-years-old boy. It’s not hard to make me laugh. Dad jokes, puns, innuendo. I’m not picky with my humor. It ranges from actually funny to completely inappropriate.

H… Major HOT Button:

I don’t really have any. I know I should probably care about stuff more, but the truth is that people are going to think what they want regardless of what I say. The only reason I ever debate anything with people is because I’m bored, but then I just get annoyed, so I don’t see the point in it.

I… I am:

A cripple. A writer. My father’s daughter. And much more.

J… JOBS: What do you do? What have you done? What would you like to do?

I’m a writer. That’s about it.

K… Also KNOWN As: Aliases? Screen names? A non de plume perhaps?

Cyn, because my old screen name was cynicalcripple and my friends were too lazy to type it out. Sak or Sakura for basically the same reason. I also have a pen name, but I haven’t published anything using it yet. When I do, you’ll know.

L… I LOVE:

Dad. Jen. Danielle. Heather. And some other people.

M… How do you feel about MEETING people? Do it all the time? Rarely? Parties or 1-on-1?

Please don’t make me. I’m not good with people. If I have to, I prefer email or text.

N… What’s the story of your NAME? Were you named after anyone? Do you go by a nickname? Any aliases?

I was named after Sean Connery and Nichelle Nichols.

O… OBSERVANT: What’s around you right now? What do you see?

My desk and armoires and sticky notes and tins of peppermint bark. Darkness outside my window. I have the front camera on, so I see the vans and trailer and truck. The heat is currently on. I can’t really smell anything because allergies suck. My ventilator is whooshing. I’m too lazy to keep listing things.

Old picture, but similar set up.

P… Who are the special PEOPLE in your life?

Just Dad, really.

Q… Any Little QUIRKs About Yourself?

I have a lot of quirks, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head. What quirks do I have?

R… What do you like to do for RECREATION?

I read books or manga. I watch anime. And I play mindless games while blasting music as loud as it will go. I’m not an exciting person.

S… Do You SING in the Shower? In the car? For your friends?

I try to only sing when I’m alone or the music drowns me out. Sometimes I slip up. Ah well.

T… What’s at the Top of your TO DO list?

Writing. Need to get back into a rhythm.

U… Any UNUSUAL Experiences?

Far too many to talk about here. Maybe in a different post. But I did have a woman sing a full on gospel version of happy birthday to me in a dance club bathroom, then she told me I was beautiful and if anyone told me different she would slit their throat. I stopped letting my sister drag me into public bathrooms after that.

V… VEGAS, Vienna, Venice, Vladivostok: How far have you travelled? What’s your favourite City?

None of those places. I do remember stopping in or near Verona, New York. Pretty sure that was the place with the awesome La Quinta. I’ve been all over the eastern side of the U.S. and up into Canada. I’m partial to the northeast.

W… WINTER, Spring, Summer, Fall: What’s your favorite season? What makes it special?

I live in Texas. We get summer and a couple of weeks of winter. Summer is better.

X… EXes: They are ex for a very good reason.

I wouldn’t know. Don’t have any.

Y… Any secret/deep YEARNINGS?

Unless you count milkshakes as secret desires, no. Not really. I’m good.

Z… ZERO to ZENITH: Where are you in your life? Still growing? On an upward (or downward) curve? Just skating along?

Pretty much just skating along right now. I think that’s what most people are trying to do thanks to COVID. Hopefully things will eventually get better.