Writing Is Hard

Bad Writer

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things here are quietly terrifying. Nothing is particularly bad for me currently, but we’re still in a dystopian horror story, so I can’t feel anything near calm. Anyway, as you well know, I’ve been a horrible writer for a long time now. A couple of short stories and random scribblings over the past couple of years do not a writer make. I’ve tried different things to get back into it, but I’ve failed repeatedly. I don’t really know why. I’m just lazy is what I keep telling myself. Writer’s block is a bitch. I just need time after so many rejections. Etc. But how do I fix this? How do I fix me?

I’m not just lazy. I know I’m generally a lazy person, but not when it comes to work. I went through something similar with reading when I was younger. I spent a few years voraciously reading everything, then one day I just stopped. I had no problem completing reading assignments for school, but whenever I picked up a book for fun, I couldn’t do it. Over the span of like 5+ years, I only read a handful of books for fun. Then, I randomly got back into reading. I don’t read anywhere near as much as I did, but I still read at least 20 minutes a day for fun on top of the time I spend reading for the monthly reviews. I don’t hesitate to write letters or stuff when I need to, so I know it’s not laziness. I don’t think it’s burnout either. I don’t know what it is.

I also know it’s not writer’s block. I know what I want to write and I’m not even opposed to doing it on most days. It’s like my brain prioritizes the book review reading and won’t let me write until I read, but then doesn’t want to write so late in the day. It’s more like self-sabotage than writer’s block. I suppose I really need to decide on a schedule and stick to it, but it’s hard.

Needing time after all the rejections is a good excuse, but I know it’s not really a factor at this point. Maybe the first six months or so it was. I’m not that sensitive, but hundreds of rejections (granted there were some really nice ones in there) with only a few acceptances is bound to get anyone down and questioning their life choices. But when does it become too much time? I’m well beyond that point and I know it.

Anyway, enough rambling. All I really wanted to say was that I opened the file of the book I’ve been thinking of getting back to and I had one of those moments. You know the one. That “Where’s the rest? Fuck… I have to write it…” moment. I’m not promising I’ll write it, but it was a nice feeling and I have been fiddling with the outline to update it.

Mindless Games as Productivity Tools Follow Up

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things here are about the same as they’ve been. Not great, but it could be worse. I’m getting a late start on this post because I had a meeting with my case manager and another team member about the government crap. Ugh. But anyway, that just means I’m tired and not really into blogging today, so this will be short. Yay! I suppose I’ll ramble about the fact that I wrote words on Monday! Only about 400, but I did the thing. I also did it while playing my mindless games. A few posts ago, I mentioned that the mindless games have actually helped with my reading productivity, so I thought I would try it with writing. Does it work?

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure yet. It took a long time for me to actually bring myself to start writing because I started a new short story, so the page was blank. Well, not technically blank. I always throw in the header with my contact info and word count like it’s ready to submit, plus a throwaway title and my byline. Sometimes, that’s enough to trick my brain into thinking the story is already in progress. But most of the time, I suffer from blank page paralysis. That first sentence is just so much pressure. And it doesn’t help that I’m the type who has to start at the beginning. I can’t just jump to a random scene then go back and fill stuff in. That’s just not how my brain works.

But once I got started, the system seemed to work. I’d set up a battle, write while it played out, then eventually set up another battle, and somehow at the end of the night, I had 400 words. I even stopped to eat dinner and watch some tv, then started up again with no problem. That’s super rare for me. I usually just cram in the words and when it’s dinner time, it all gets shut down and stowed away for another day. So, even though it’s only been one day, I’m kind of hopeful for this system. I even got my reading done that day. We’ll see if I can keep it up. Any words are better than none, so I’m trying not to focus on a specific word count yet. I’ll add that in later if this system keeps working.

What kind of stuff helps you write when you just aren’t feeling it? As always, feel free to share your thoughts and comments and questions here or on my social media pages!

Mindless Games as Productivity Tools

~ shawnaborman ~ 1 Comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things are still not sorted out here because the government is so very slow, so I’m not in a good mood, but I don’t want to rant. Instead, I’m going to ramble about one of the mindless games I play. Namely, Hero Wars. Ever since I started playing it, I’ve noticed a major increase in my reading productivity. I’ve been finishing reading the review books up to two weeks early (like next week’s book, I finished on the 13th instead of the 25th like planned) and not because they’re fabulous books as you know. It’s weird and sounds like a lie, but hear me out…

Hero Wars is one of those games where there’s like 50 things to do every day on top of the actual game and leveling up characters. A lot of these things are done with the auto setting permanently engaged, so you’re forced to stare at a bunch of characters battle for two minutes without actually doing anything. You can also turn on auto on the regular parts of the game which is useful when you’re just trying to collect items to level up your characters and are therefore playing the same level over and over again. It honestly gets boring, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

When I was about to give up one day because I had to read, I decided to just let the fight play out while I read. Then, after a few paragraphs, I went back to the game, set up the next battle, then read for a few more minutes. And I just kept flipping back and forth between the two which meant I never had enough time to get bored with either. I limit myself to only doing this with books I’m going to review, because doing two “for fun” things at once just seems like cheating. But it’s weirdly effective. I don’t dread my daily reading anymore. I can read as much as I want, then get a thirty second break to do something fun when I start to get bored with the book. It’s like a tiny serotonin bomb that makes the next few paragraphs or pages feel less like a chore (even when I really enjoy a book, reading can be difficult to focus on). So weird.

I’m starting to wonder what else I could apply this to. Maybe writing. I’ve only tried it while blogging a couple of times. It’s not quite the same. With the blog, I’m usually feeling pressured to get it done since I’ve waited until the last minute, so tiny serotonin bombs don’t really help. But perhaps with regular writing, it would be more helpful. I think I’ll try it.

What are some weird things that help you become more productive in certain areas? Are they limited to specific things, like helping with reading or writing? As always, feel free to share your comments or thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Writerly/Readerly Updates

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! What’s everyone up to this wonderful Wednesday? Dad and I are going to Garland. There’s a place out there that does leatherwork on vehicles, so we’re getting some work done on the van. I’m sure I’ll share pictures whenever everything is finished. But that’s for another day. Today, I figured I’ll ramble about the few writerly/readerly things going on. It’s really nothing much, so this will probably be a short post.

Writerly things:

1. I’ve slowly been working on the new Untitled Cozy Mystery novel. When I do write, the words come easy enough, but actually making myself open the file and write is the hard part. Right now, I’m using slushing for PseudoPod as an excuse to avoid writing, but that’ll be done soon enough. I tried writing on my phone the other night. It worked a little. I’ve never done it before, so I’m trying to figure out the app as I go. It was only 224 words and they need fleshed out, but at least it was something.

2. I read through the part of the UCM novel written thus far and I actually like it. It was very much one of those “what happens next… oh shit, I have to write it” moments. I don’t get that feeling, so it was weird and creepy. It also makes it more daunting because what if I screw it up or no one else likes it? But yeah. I like it so far.

Readerly things:

1. I got a free book. I didn’t even have to ask for it. Someone from Books Forward (a marketing/publicity firm for authors) reached out to me asking if I would be interested in reviewing a book. This sometimes happens through NetGalley, but apparently she just randomly came across my blog, liked it enough to get in touch, and I guess she read enough to see that the book she’s flogging is in genres that I like. So, yay free book! It’s called Magic by Any Other Name by Alison Levy and the review will go up on November 8th. But also yay for people actually looking at my blog!

2. My desire to read for fun is currently waning. I finished Carrie and haven’t even started my next fun book. Granted, I’m reading two review books at the moment (completely different genres so I won’t get anything confused). I just don’t feel like throwing in a third book again. Oh well.

That’s about it. Nothing exciting. Any updates from you? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Tell Me What To Write

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. I finally have the desire to write again, but I can’t decide what I want to work on. Short stories have been going nowhere for me, so something novel length. But do I want to start something completely new? Edit something that’s been sitting in the metaphorical drawer for years because it needs a complete rewrite and I’m lazy? Or untrunk Bailey now that I’ve got some distance from her and see if I can rework her using some new techniques? So, I thought I would list some descriptions here and let you all vote for what I should attempt next.

1. Garnets and Guardians (this one has been shopped to agents, so it actually has a blurb, but I’ve learned new editing and plotting techniques that might help improve it/make it marketable)

Sometimes, the voices in your head really are out to get you.

Bailey Donovan is a thirteen-year-old who has recently been diagnosed with a life-changing disease: Limb-Girdle Muscular Dystrophy.  On top of that, she is forced to move to a small north Texas town to be close to a hospital that specializes in these types of diseases.

Despite all the changes being thrown her way, Bailey remains stoic.  A little too stoic for her mother who encourages her to express emotions Bailey would rather keep to herself.

After a series of increasingly strange events including a psychic waiter, her grandmother’s fairytales, and a psychotic dentist, Bailey finds herself stuck in therapy with the headache-inducing psychologist, Alice Parker.

As if all of this isn’t bad enough, Bailey stumbles upon the hospital’s dirty little secret: it’s built on a doorway to Hell and many of the town’s residents are actually demons.  This throws her further into chaos and raises questions about her origins and a possible intruder in her head that only her grandmother can seem to answer.  Follow Bailey into the abyss as she juggles family life, new emotions, physical challenges, and dark secrets.

2. The Last Rider (this one needs a complete rewrite because the plotting is off, so it’s got a first draft but has never seen the light of day)

Ky Reinholdt is an average, if somewhat of a loner, teen in a small town in far west Texas.  He’s a klutz, with no friends, who works in his dad’s diner and rebuilds things in a small shack out back when he’s not blowing up the chem. lab at school (it was an accident!).  Life is quiet and mostly peaceful until someone tries to kill him.  From that day on, he’s dragged into a world of secrets and war where everyone seems to know his name.  To top it all off, a creepy dude Ky meets in the school basement refuses to leave his side and doesn’t know the meaning of personal space.  Can Ky survive until his 18th birthday?  And what happens then?

3. Unnamed Cozy Mystery (this one is brand new and not completely plotted, but has a solid enough premise that it excites me and I could probably plot it out enough to start writing soon)

Cozy mystery about an older woman who drops everything to move to the country and open a small hotel. Twist, she sees/interacts with ghosts. She can’t open the hotel until she finds out what happened to a young girl on the property. But I haven’t decided on the reason for the big life change. And I’m not sure when I want it set. Modern day would be easiest research wise, but something older might be fun. I know the killer, but I don’t know the why yet.

So, what should I work on next? Vote below. And feel free to comment here or on my social media pages with your thoughts and ideas!

Friendly Stories

~ shawnaborman ~ 3 Comments

Howdy, howdy! How’s everything going this lovely Wednesday? Did you have a good week? Things here are okay. I’m currently trapped in my room with Mardi. She thinks it’s cruel and unusual punishment and is making her indignation known through alternating bouts of high pitched yelping, whining like she’s all alone in the world, and silent sulking punctuated with deep angsty sighs. Why is she locked up with me? Because there are people doing things in the house and we don’t want her underfoot, bothering them. No biggie. But she’s not a happy puppers and my presence means absolutely nothing in this situation. Ah well. Anyway, I spent all day Monday trying to come up with a blog post idea. Nothing. So, I put out a plea for ideas on Facebook and Jen (lil sis) sent me a bunch of ideas! The first thing she wanted to know was what type of story I would write my friends into. So, I’ll ramble about that today.

It should be “The people they know” actually.

To be honest, if we’re friends, you’re probably already in a story. At least partially. I’ve used your nicknames or personality traits or quirks or some part of your looks. I’ve probably mashed your bits together with those of other people I know. Kinky. But, anyway. I’ve most likely trapped a piece of you inside a story. Creepy, right?

As far as the type of story goes, it’s my usual fare. Horror, dark fantasy, mysteries. Sometimes you live and sometimes you die. I don’t actively decide which bits of who go into which characters. It’s not until after the fact that I notice stuff like that. And by then, the character is its own entity with only a vague resemblance to the people I know. I will say that you all usually end up in characters that I like, so if they die, I’m sad. But I love my villains, so I don’t know how comforting that really is. Probably not at all. Sorry!

Now, if I actively chose a story to put a friend into, I’d have to think about where they would fit and what kind of story would make them happy. Unless I’m mad at them, then it would be what kind of story makes me happy. But I digress. Let’s take Jen for example. Most likely a novel or even a series. A main character, because she deserves some attention, and definitely a happy ending. No horror or psychological thriller. Some kind of action fantasy, probably. A found family type of subplot. Also a romance thread, but not something super important to the story. Some kind of magical powers that take time to manifest and grow along with her emotional growth throughout the story. And, since it’s Jen, I would include her in building the story and world and characters. So basically, if I actively built stories for friends, they’d end up being personalized. That’s fun.

So, yeah. I do include people in my stories, all genres. Kind of. But I can’t do it knowingly unless I tailor a story to a person. What about you? What kind of stories do you write the people you know into? Are you aware when you do it or does it just kind of happen? As always, feel free to share your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

March Is Here

~ shawnaborman ~ 13 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. There’s some old lady neighbor drama going on, but things will eventually work out. Other than that, there’s not much going on. It’s late as I’m writing this because I procrastinated, so it’ll probably be a short post again. I haven’t made a goals post in a while, so I think I’m going to do that. These are just March goals. I’m not planning too far ahead because I’ve been really bad about keeping goals anyway, so what’s the point? Fingers crossed I can at least keep up with this stuff.

1. Write 4,000 words a week. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve met this goal five weeks out of eight. I need to buckle down and stick with it, but I’m lazy and haven’t really found the desire to keep up with it. It’s a me thing. I know. I’m enjoying the story and know where it’s going. When I do force myself to write, it’s not particularly hard and the distractions are minimal. So, it’s not that I need to switch projects. I just need to focus and find the reason I write again.

2. Read at least two books. I’ve already read seven this year, so I don’t foresee any problems meeting this goal. And only one of those was a book of poetry, so no… I’m not reading super short things and counting them. Though I do have a couple of novellas lined up for this year. But I also have a couple of 500+ page novels on my shelf. My reading varies. A lot.

3. Submit DS1 to another publisher. It’s been a couple of months since my last kindly worded rejection, so I should probably get it back out there. I still have a couple of places I want to try before I decide whether or not to trunk this one too.

4. Keep up with my miscellaneous stuff. Write blog posts. Post on my author profiles. Order groceries as needed. Try not to forget little things that pop up. Text people. The usual stuff that I do between mindless games and crossword puzzles.

That’s all, really. I was going to include socializing more, but I honestly just don’t want to. I’d rather listen to loud music. Don’t get me wrong. I love my peoples. But I prefer hermitting right now. Anyway, what are your goals for March? As always, feel free to share your comments and questions here or on my social media pages!

Out of Order

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Howdy, howdy! It’s the first Wednesday of a new year. How is everyone doing so far? Is 2022 going to be your year? I basically just want to survive it without getting sick, same as the last two years. But I also want to start being productive again. I failed hard in 2021 with everything except reading and blogging. It’s officially time to suck it up and get back on track. I started writing again this week. I’m not diving back into my old standards, but I’m going to work my way up to them. Same schedule, just starting out with a lower word count. But as I was writing words this week, it got me thinking about my writing system.

I started working on one of the stories I began last year and gave up on. I always knew the beginning and I know the ending, my problem is connecting the two. But what I really noticed when I opened the file is that I never wrote the ending out. I couldn’t. I can’t. The idea of writing a story out of order makes my eye twitch. I don’t mean a story has to be linear. I have no problem jumping around timelines. But I have to start at the beginning and work my way to the end. Writing random scenes and pasting them together makes me feel icky. It’s kind of ridiculous.

One of the stories I gave up on last year flips back and forth between the present and the past. In my head, I had every present scene plotted out, but I didn’t write them down because I couldn’t work out the past bits that alternated with them. I don’t know why I’m like this. It’s not like it’s difficult to skip around and insert scenes wherever I want. I use Word. All I have to do is move the cursor. It’s not like I’m writing this stuff out by hand or even using a typewriter. I should be capable of doing this.

So many other writers I know actually enjoy writing scenes and putting them together like a puzzle. It sounds so freeing. Don’t know what to write? Skip ahead! Or go back to something else you skipped. Easy peasy. But no. I have to make my life difficult. Am I worried I’ll forget to include something? Nah. I’d be one of those people who put a giant boldly colored note to “insert scene here” or something. I’m probably just super anal. Definitely. I like control and order when I write, maybe some organized chaos. But not sheer mayhem.

What about you? Do you have to write a story in a certain order or do you jump all around? Were you one, then you became the other? Or do you mix it up and write both ways? Do you have any advice for becoming someone who can work out of order? As usual, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages!

Things I Should’ve Done Today

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! What’s everyone been up to lately? Things have been quiet here. I was supposed to be productive today. But I wasn’t. What’s new there? Instead, I listened to loud music while Dad ran an errand. I played stupid games. And I wasted time being social. Kind of. The minion and one of his spawn came by to drop something off for Dad. I mostly listened to them ramble. That’s as social as I get. But it was good seeing them after so long. Stupid plague. Nothing else got done.

I mostly should’ve been preparing to write this post. I didn’t have anything lined up to write about anyway, but I probably could’ve come up with something better to ramble about if it weren’t already so late. Or I would’ve kept procrastinating and written this anyway. At least I can blame it on the minion this week.

The other thing I really should’ve done is read. I’m reading two books and they’re both pretty long. I need to get through about 20 pages a day of the book I’ll be reviewing this month in order to finish it in time. I built in a couple of lazy days just in case, but I should try to get it done anyway. It takes me about an hour. The other book is my pre-bedtime read. I try to get at least half an hour in each night. I’ll at least do that tonight.

I should probably also have written an email and scheduled a video chat, but they can wait. It’s just for my jailbird sister. I keep putting off scheduling the video chat because I have better ways to waste my time. But at least Dad can join in this time (if I have to suffer, so do you). I also need to write emails to a couple of other people, but it’s nothing time sensitive or even important. I should just check in with some people who aren’t on social media.

There are probably things I’m forgetting, but it doesn’t really matter. Today was supposed to be a blog day and reading day. Instead, it was a people-ing kind of day. But I’m going to leave this kind of short and go catch up on reading. What were you supposed to do today? Did you do it? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or comments here or on my social media pages!

End of Year Stuff

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing? Can you believe it’s already December? The year just slipped right on by. I’m still stuck somewhere back in March. But seriously, it wasn’t a very good year productivity-wise, as you very well know if you’ve been stalking me. I don’t really know what happened. I just got lazy and everything spiraled out of control. But I really need to get back on track for next year, so I’m just going to ramble a bit about my goals for this month. They aren’t much, but hopefully enough to get me back on track for being productive in 2022.

1. Read two books. This is pretty much the only thing I’ve kept up with this year. My goal was to read 35 books and I just started my 34th of the year. As long as I can finish that one and pick/finish a book to review by the end of the month, I’ll at least have my reading goal done. It shouldn’t be a problem.

2. Research publishing companies and how to query them. I’ve given up on finding an agent for the current book I was sending out, but I do want to try some publishers before I decide to put it away for a while. I just don’t know how different the querying process is for publishers vs. agents. So, I’ll have to do some Googling and/or pester people for advice.

3. Read through the current novel-in-progress. It’s already fully outlined and ready to be written (I believe it’s about halfway done, maybe a little less), so I need to at least finish the first draft. It’s the sequel to the novel I was querying, so I think I just got a bit discouraged and disgusted with the whole thing. But I still love these books and want to work on them, so hopefully I can drop back into that world and finish the draft. We’ll see how I feel after I re-read what I have.

4. Write words. It doesn’t have to be good words or even a lot of words, but I do need to get back in the habit of sitting here, opening a document, and writing something at least four days a week (five if you count blogging). I’m not even going to worry if it’s all part of the same story. Just practice for getting back into the novel-in-progress. When I start that, I’ll decide whether to focus on a specific word count or just time staring at the screen. And whether I want to establish a daily goal or weekly one.

That’s my plan for December. Nothing too demanding or exhausting. Just something to hopefully set me up for a better writing year in 2022. Forcing myself has failed miserably this year, so maybe easing myself into it will work better. But I really need to start trying again. Being lazy is only an excuse for so long before people start accusing you of being depressed. What about you? What are your plans for the last month of 2021? Are you wrapping up current goals or starting to plan for next year? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!