Abyss for Sale

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing? Things here are quiet and lazy. The past couple of days have been gloomy. Just generally blah. The severe weather stayed away from us, so that’s always good. But I have no idea what to ramble about. I have a tendency to mention wandering off into an abyss on Facebook when I have nothing else to do, so last week, a friend said one of my blog posts should be about my abyss, but written like one of those descriptions on Zillow (a real estate thingie). So, this’ll be a shorter post (Zillow descriptions are only 250 words? Ugh), but challenge accepted.

But first, did I show you my new glasses? Okay, now back to the description.

Here we go:

Luxurious, low maintenance abyss available for anyone seeking a secluded getaway from the hustle and bustle of life. The open floor plan allows for easy access to each feature even in the complete darkness of the void. Includes wide open space to flail around on the hardwood floors while reliving every cringe moment you’ve ever had. The standard box of doom has recently been renovated into a walk in closet of doom, perfect for plotting or simply screaming into the dark. The single bedroom offers room for a king sized bed and small sitting area, so you can decide where to lounge while staring vacantly into nothingness. An en suite offers both a jacuzzi tub and a walk in shower, so you can soak your troubles away while dwelling on that time the waiter said “enjoy your food” and you answered “you too” or stand under the scorching water to contemplate similarly important things in life. No need for a sauna as the abyss’s proximity to Hades means it easily maintains a toasty and oddly humid 106 degrees. The lack of a kitchen isn’t for everyone, but who are you kidding? You’re just going to order something in anyway. No yard means no need to spend time outside doing things like yardwork or talking to the neighbors. All of this could be yours for the low, low price of… if you have to ask, you can’t afford it! Call to schedule a private tour today.

It’s an abyss. What did you expect?

And I came in at 245 words. But seriously. This is my abyss and you can’t have it. Back to our regularly scheduled book review next week!

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