I Might’ve Broken The Rules

Happy March!  How was your Leap Day?  Mine was actually pretty productive.  It was the first day in a long time that I met my “this is acceptable” word count (1000+ words).  I broke one of my golden rules to do it, but the writing is what’s important, right?  Rules are made to be broken and all that.  Or maybe I’m just nuts.  Or trying to rationalize things that don’t really matter.  I mean, it’s not like anyone’s going to punish me for breaking my own rule, right?  It’s just the voices in my head that complain about it.  They’ll deal eventually.  Do you have rules you stick to when writing?  Or is that just something crazy people do?

115.JPG
Nancy Holder!  Blame her for the rules thing.

 

I suppose the whole “rules” thing started during my first semester at Stonecoast.  Up until then, I had no rules, no discipline, and all I was writing was short stories.  I wrote when I felt like it or when something was due.  Deadline induced panic was an essential part of my process.  Then Stonecoast happened.

I was actually pretty terrified at the prospect of writing a novel, but I wanted to do it.  My mentor at the time was Nancy Holder, and she’s a super supportive type, so she encouraged me to do it.  There was no “try,” there was just “do it.”  Of course, I asked “how?”  Her response was “keep writing!”  Yeah, it wasn’t helpful at the time, but she was right (as mentors tend to be).  So I wrote, got past twenty pages (my usual stopping point), and kept writing.  Around page fifty, I wanted to stop and work on something else.  Nancy said no.

NvbOGZm.gif
It was kind of like that.

 

She explained that starting a new project was a form of procrastination that all writers are tempted by.  If you’re constantly stopping one thing to start something else, you’ll never finish anything.  It made a lot of sense, especially for something as large as a novel.  And thus, my first rule (the one I broke) was born.  I’d never start a new novel while one was sitting half-finished and waiting on me (aka one I haven’t given up on).  I’d wait until I at least had a first draft.  It only applied to novels, so I admit to writing flash fiction, short stories, poetry, etc.  Basically anything to give me a break here and there, but that could be finished in a few days was acceptable procrastination.

But, since I’ve been in a slump, I finally decided to say “screw it!” and started a new WIP.  It doesn’t mean that I love the old one any less, it just means I can’t get into that world right now.  Same goes for the screenplay.  I love it, but my heart just isn’t in it.  Hopefully that will change as I get back to a normal rhythm, but for now, I needed something new that no one has seen or heard about.  Something strictly mine.  Something that doesn’t have any expectations to live up to.  It can fail completely, I can trash it, and no one will ever be able to ask “what happened to that novel about that thing?”  Does that even make sense?

keep-calm-and-break-the-rules-15.png

I still have a bunch of other rules that I haven’t broken, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to break a rule once in a while if nothing else is working for you.  So, what are your rules?  Have you ever broken them?  Did it help?  Or am I just crazy?

Writing Prompts: Useful or a Time Suck?

Hello there!  In my attempts to get back to a steady writing schedule, I’ve been lurking (and occasionally conversing) in some writing forums.  I figured the advice from the writers I’m normally in touch with wasn’t working, so why not see if I could find different advice in new places?  Unfortunately, I haven’t found much in the way of new tricks to try, but one constant I noticed was the encouragement to use writing prompts.  So, today I want to chat about how useful writing prompts actually are in the grand scheme of things.  Feel free to chime in at any time!

11351475_1047832401910747_3775845314634164203_n
My favorite prompts tend to have a visual aspect.

 

In all honesty, I don’t have much luck with prompts.  Of the hundreds I’ve tried over the years (everything from the ones at the end of each chapter in pretty much every craft book to random ones I find online), I’ve produced something readable from maybe three of them.  I’ve written a lot of crap I’ve never looked at again because of them!  But overall, I’m not entirely sure prompts are worth it for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy them immensely, especially when I just want to get words on the page, but the majority of them never go beyond a rough sketch.

My favorites always seem to have images attached or encourage you to go forth and find an image to write about.  It’s actually kind of weird.  I think in words and I’ve never really considered myself a visual type of person, but over the years I’ve come to accept that photos and paintings and all kinds of sights inspire me (even more than eavesdropping on conversations does).  On the other hand, the writing prompt that I had the most success with was a poetry prompt encouraging a conversation with God.  It was pretty much the most angry thing I’ve ever written and I still secretly love it to this day.  So, I guess I gravitate toward anything visual or encouraging a dialogue.

12112209_1134980516529268_8892526754268146588_n
This one saved a project I had planned on never looking at again!

 

Sometimes, I’ll look at a prompt (like the one above) and never actually do anything about it, but it’ll get me thinking about something I haven’t thought about in years.  For instance, I had a story about a host club (please don’t make me explain what that is), but it honestly sucked and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it three years ago, so I scrapped it.  But this prompt made me think about it and now I know how to fix it!  I just have to decide if I want to keep it as a novella or if I want to try my hand at a graphic novel.

time-you-enjoy-wasting-is-not-wasted-time-9
It’s kind of like that.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that writing prompts are mostly a time suck for me, but they’re fun and randomly useful.  I definitely encourage trying them, especially if you just want to get some words out.  You never know when they’ll lead to something good.  However, don’t rely on them because (if you are anything like me) the good can be rare.  What’s your stance on prompts?  Have they been a valuable asset to you, something for fun, completely useless, or something else?  Leave me a comment on here or hit me up on social media!

Developing A New Rhythm For A New Year

Howdy howdy!  As I’ve rambled about before, I’ve been having a bit of a tough time getting back into a writing and reading rhythm this year, but things seem to be looking up (finally).  I’m reading with zeal again (thanks to a random desire to finally read the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series).  I’m also revising my screenplay, which has both smooth patches and a couple of big issues that are giving me problems, but it counts as work!  I’m still wary about getting back into my novels without feedback, but I’ll get there soon.  For now, I’m still learning, changing, transforming.  As is my rhythm.

5a52c0465a1e6c8be3ad3ffa4f13bc6e.jpg
They said I could be anything… I chose Sailor Saturn.

Last year, I had a nice rhythm that let me get a lot done, but I neglected certain areas of my life in order to get so much done.  It eventually drained me.  Combine that with the whole lack of feedback feeding my “I suck, what was I thinking?” mindset, and it’s a recipe for depression.  I’m hoping to avoid that by adding a few things to my schedule.  Of course that will require adjusting other areas, so it’s all just trial and error right now.

First and foremost, I plan on taking reading more seriously this year.  I haven’t read much since leaving Stonecoast, because I got wrapped up in the idea that productivity equals new words on the page.  Even revision felt like a way to avoid being productive (even though I know it’s an extremely important part of the process).  So, I want to devote at least an hour three days a week to reading.  It might cut into my writing time on days when writing is hard, but that’s okay.  You can’t write well without reading.  I’m going to keep that in mind this year.  If you see me slacking, feel free to crack the whip.

the_wipe_by_heise
Heise gets it.

Secondly, I want to take a few minutes just once a week to write a note or something by hand.  I recently bought some postcards to help me stick to this goal.  I’m hoping for a twofold result from this practice: a) it’ll be a way to let people know I’m thinking of them even though I’m not very good at keeping in touch, and b) it’ll help keep me writing even when I’m struggling.  I’ve heard a lot of people who were having problems writing in their usual method have more success getting over a hurdle if they switch writing methods (go from typing to handwriting then back again).  Maybe jotting something down every now and then will help keep things fresh in my head.

Lastly, I want to make time for socializing.  Whether I go to a reading with a friend or Skype with some of my Stonecoasters or make time to IM/text someone, I need to keep in touch with people.  I like being a recluse, and I’ve been getting worse and worse about it again, but it worries people, so I’m going to make an effort to really interact with someone at least once a week.

CCSGroup2
Maybe not this close, but I should be closer to people.

 

So, what does all of this mean?  It means that sometimes you have to tweak your rhythm, especially when it’s no longer working.  Bear with me, and don’t freak out if I suddenly pester you for no reason.  I’m just trying something new.  How’s your rhythm?  Is it working or could it use a little change?

Until next time!

Tremont St. Bath and Body: A Review

Hello, hello!  Since I haven’t been anywhere new to eat in a while, and I have no writerly topics to ramble about, I thought I would try my hand at a different kind of review.  Recently, one of my mentors/friends, Nina Schwartz, from SMU started selling her homemade soap.  You can find her story and products at her website, Tremont St. Bath and Body.  You can also keep up with her latest news by liking the shop’s Facebook page.

12316640_194164357590304_6101460755969440238_n
All pictures are borrowed from the links above.

Back before Christmas, I messaged Nina to find out how her soaps worked on sensitive skin (before I bought some and had an unexpected allergic reaction or something).  Not only did she answer my questions, but she also sent me four bars to sample.  A Honey, Oatmeal, and Milk bar (currently not listed on the site), one called Perseverance (listed), an unscented/uncolored molded soap (see the picture of Clouds, Waves, Chrysanthemums below as an example), and one named Purple Zebra (also not currently listed).  As of today, I’ve only had a chance to try the first two, so I will be focusing on them.

Fancy_Molds_large
Clouds, Waves, and Chrysanthemums.

 

Aside from the beautiful designs, one of the first things I noticed about these soaps were the scents.  They range from no scent to a very mild aroma to more intense smells.  As I’ve said, I’ve only used the Honey, Oatmeal, and Milk bar, which had a subtly sweet smell, and the Perseverance, which is flavored with peppermint and rosemary, so it has a strong, in your face, kind of scent as you can imagine.  Personally, I enjoy the more intense aromas, but if you don’t, you might want to ask about bars that you aren’t sure of.

Another thing I tend to notice about soaps is whether they leave behind a greasy residue (I hate feeling slimy after a shower or after using a lotion).  I have dry skin, so I have to use moisturizing soaps, and it’s really difficult to find one that doesn’t leave me feeling gross.  Nina’s soaps didn’t have that problem.  In fact, most of them contain cocoa butter, shea butter, kokum butter, or some combination thereof to act as a moisturizer.  I was a little wary my first couple of uses, but to my surprise, the soap rinsed off easily and left me feeling moisturized, but not greasy.

I suppose my only complaints would be that the soaps dissolve much faster than the ones you buy at the store, and that the edges can be a little sharp in the beginning, especially on the large bars.  I got about seven uses out of the Honey, Oatmeal, and Milk bar, which is one of her medium sized bars, but I’m on my fourth or fifth use of Perseverance (one of her largest bars) and still have more than half left.  So, I guess the former complaint really depends on which soap you get and how often you use it (I use it once a week), and the latter simply requires a little user awareness.

Perseverance_large
Perseverance.

 

Overall, I’m loving the soaps so far and plan on buying some when I come close to running out.  Check out the links above and see if you fall in love with any of the bars!  It’s totally worth it.

J-Rock: How I Became A Fangirl

Howdy all!  Last week, I asked for some suggestions on what to blog about, so Lew and Joe asked how I got into J-Pop/Rock.  It’s not really that long or interesting of a story, but they wanted to know.  So, please excuse me while I fangirl (get overly excited, squee, and babble on about a certain subject) over some of my favorite music and musicians while I relive those early days.

005
And there are definitely some pretty men.  That’s Miyavi, by the way.

 

I guess I got into Japanese music the same way a lot of people do: anime.  I grew up with the Americanized version of Sailor Moon, then Pokémon and Digimon and Cardcaptor Sakura and all of that came along.  But it wasn’t until I was sixteen or seventeen (around the time I started looking to the Internet for friends instead of hanging out with my sister and her friends) when I began searching for fansubs and the original versions of the shows that I started my brief voyage into the world of J-Pop, then my descent into J-Rock.

It wasn’t just anime exposing me to the music, but also the friends I was making by hanging out in anime chatrooms.  (Do you even remember those?  The Yahoo chats?  Oh how I miss those days.)  It takes a lot for a theme song to entice me into looking it up, so I was a total n00b to the music compared to most of the people I met.  So, I listened to every song people recommended.  For example, one of the people I hung out with was a rabid fan of Neon Genesis Evangelion, so for a while, I knew every song (and every version) in that series because he would insist I listen to them.  It wasn’t that I enjoyed everything I heard, but I was open to the possibility that I might like it.

Then, I got into YouTube.  Back in the day, before Google and Vevo and all of the legal stuff, YouTube was a wonderland of obscure music.  Plus, it was great about recommending things based (no matter how remotely) on whatever you were watching instead of just suggesting whatever happens to be popular that week, which is how I found my way into J-Rock and all its lovely subgenres.  I had my first brush with bands like Dir en grey (awesome if you like metal), Buck-Tick (kind of an 80s vibe), Versailles (symphonic metal), and Miyavi (guitarist).  From there, I just kind of dug around on my own to find things that I adore.  It also doesn’t hurt that most of the beautiful women are actually men (a fangirl topic for another day).

Group4
Versailles.  They’re all men.  Yes, even him.

.

JRock247-exist-trace-WORLD-MAKER-group-2014-081
Exist Trace.  And they’re all women.

 

It was just something that happened.  There was no big plan involved.  It was just a new obsession stemming from an old one, like a slow descent into madness.  We all have these types of love, so tell me about yours.  What’s your random obsession that makes people wonder how you got into it?  And how’d it happen?

Can’t Get Through The Portal

Hi there!  Today, a friend asked me what I had read lately and suggested blogging about that, but then I realized that I haven’t read anything since late November.  Not even manga.  It was actually a strange revelation.  I haven’t read anything since I started getting disgusted with the whole writing/feedback process.  The more I think about it, the more I notice a strange correlation between my writing productivity and how much I read (when one goes up, so does the other).  Is this a common thing?  Do reading slumps exist?  Apparently they do, so allow me to ramble for a bit.

twilight_face_desk_by_proudpastry-d4z00zx
It’s kind of like that.

Don’t get me wrong… I’ve tried reading things off and on, especially when I wasn’t writing anything, but no matter how excited I was for a book, a few pages in and I was ready to quit.  It was like watching a movie or a tv show (both of which can be great), instead of stepping through a portal and living in another world (what reading usually does for me).  In other words, I’m seeing what’s happening, but I just can’t bring myself to care or participate.  And I can’t even blame the books.  It’s not like when I was an undergrad and had to slog my way through the “classics.”  These are books by my favorite authors, things I’ve been looking forward to.  I find it really weird.

95618151deaeeab5f757ebc16573f658
Pick a portal, any portal.

Part of me wonders if maybe it’s some crazy delayed post-MFA depression or something.  You know, the kind everyone warns you not to slip into?  The kind where you stop writing and reading and doing all the things you planned on doing because what’s the point without having that community to help you along?  I avoided it for about a year.  I wrote steadily and read regularly.  Is it even possible that it’s kicking in this far out from graduation?  Maybe it is.  But it needs to stop.  I’m done with wallowing.  Really.  I swear.

Was I convincing?  Didn’t think so.  I am, however, getting slowly back on the writing horse.  I admit that I’m not back to my usual schedule yet, but I’m getting there.  Hopefully this means that I’ll be able to step through a portal into a good book soon.  I haven’t had any trouble getting into the stories I’ve been critiquing, which I’m taking as another good sign.  I don’t know what else to do except to keep trying until I find that book capable of yanking me inside.

book-spiral
It’s a portal… of books.  Get it?

 

What about you?   Have you ever hit a reading slump?  What book was the one that finally pulled you out of it?  If it wasn’t a book, then what helped you?  I’d love to hear your harrowing stories of breaking through the blocked portal!  Also, if you have any recommendations for books that I should be reading, please feel free to send some titles or author names my way.

A Look Inside the Mansion Restaurant

Hello, hello!  As many of you know, my birthday was on the 12th (dirty thirty).  Dad encouraged me to pick somewhere extravagant, so I took it to heart and chose the Mansion on Turtle Creek.  We were celebrating mine and a friend’s birthdays.  I wasn’t planning on doing a blog post about it, so I didn’t get pictures of everything, but Lew Andrada insisted on hearing more about the place.  So, here it is.

First, a reminder of my rating system:

MMMMM = Everything is magnificent!
MMMM = Great, but something is off.
MMM = Pretty good, but a couple of things could be better.
MM = The bad’s starting to outweigh the good.
M = Definitely more cons than pros.
… = I couldn’t find anything nice to say.

Mansion%20Restaurant
Stolen from Google.

 

As usual, first and foremost is accessibility.  It’s not really accessible, but they try.  Parking is valet, so as soon as I was unloaded, someone led the way up the (heated) walkway into the foyer, which was where things got less than wheelchair friendly.  There were two steps up going into the dining area, so they brought out this three foot portable ramp and set it up.  The incline was so steep that my wheelie bars hung and I lost traction for a second.  But with the help of Dad and some of the staff, I made it up (and back down) safely.  Other than that, the tables were perfect.  Just let them know ahead of time that you need something accessible.  Also, request a table in the library if possible.  That has nothing to do with accessibility, it’s just a really beautiful room.

Next up is service.  The entire wait staff (from the bread person to the one who keeps your water filled to the waiter himself) was wonderful. Everyone was attentive and knowledgeable.  They didn’t act like I was invisible.  We got to hear all about the Mansion’s history and they gave us a mini tour after we were done eating (since we were pretty much the only people left).  I have zero complaints about the people there.

Food… this is where things get iffy.  The taste of everything ranged from really good to superb, so don’t worry about that, but the portions were super tiny.  They were the perfect size for me, but don’t go in expecting tons of food.  For instance, I got the shigoku oysters to start. There were half a dozen small oysters with some kind of foam and other fancy toppings.  They fell on the really good end of the yum spectrum.  Dad got quail (like a quarter of the bird came out on a huge plate).  That was delicious.  My friends who went with us are vegan, so they got a kale dish and beet gazpacho (it didn’t even look like soup, but they said everything was great).

Entrees were taking a while, so the chef sent out a taster of head cheese for Dad and I, and quinoa for my friends.  It was so tiny and cute that we had to laugh.  Dinner itself included tea smoked pheasant for Dad (about half a breast with a side of potato foam… yes, foam).  Maple leaf duck for me (three slices with some kind of blackberry sauce and citrus confit).  My friends were going to share something called textures of onion, but the waiter said the chef would prefer them to order two portions otherwise they would still be hungry when they left.  Again, everything was phenomenal, just really tiny.  Luckily, bread was being passed around the whole time.

1422395_10153358315371716_4876229335372664363_n
Cake!  It’s not the best picture.  Oh well.

 

After dinner, they brought out a palate cleanser of apple sorbet (I’m allergic to apples, but I ate it anyway).  It was so small it was adorable.  Then came time for dessert.  Dad ordered a special red velvet cake layered with raspberry creme brulee.  It was out of this world.  Best.  Cake.  Ever.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t vegan, so my friends got bowls of fruit.  Dessert was the biggest and best part of the whole meal.  Definitely.

Alas, we must mention price.  It’s the Mansion.  You don’t go there for a cheap meal.  You go for the ambiance and the ability to say “I’ve been there!”  That being said, we were expecting a five-six hundred dollar bill, but it was only around three hundred (plus the cake and the tip).  So, expensive but not as bad as we were expecting.

Final rating:
MMMM

Totally worth the experience.  See you next week!

Snail Mail: A Forgotten Art

Hello all!  Today, I’d like to talk a little about the forgotten art of letter writing.  Most of the year, I don’t really think about it, but around Christmas and family birthdays, the lack of snail mail becomes quite noticeable.  Each year we receive fewer Christmas cards.  For instance, this year we sent out about three times as many as we got.  We used to get just as many as we sent.  I’m not complaining, it’s just an observation.  It got me thinking about the yearly lack of letters (not that I can say much since I don’t send many either), so I thought I’d ramble a bit about it.

10259737-805322799477840-6426087887499538364-n-1

I’m actually one of the lucky few.  I receive letters pretty regularly (granted, they’re from my sister in prison, so they usually say basically the same thing, but a letter’s a letter).  It’s a subject I talk about with my friends a lot, and we all agree that we should start writing to each other more often, but we never do.  Why?  When did writing a quick note, stuffing it in an envelope, and putting it in the mail become such a hassle?  People blame the Internet for making us lazy, but is that really it?  I mean, it takes just as much effort to send an email or PM or whatever as it does to write a letter, it’s simply a different kind of effort.  Don’t believe me?  Then you’ve obviously never taught someone how to text or anything.

In a lot of ways, social media makes keeping in touch easier, but it’s really superficial.  Don’t get me wrong, since most of my friends live far away from me, I love that social media keeps me up-to-date with them.  I’m just saying that it also gives me the option of stalking these friends without actually interacting with them, like “oh hey!  He posted something today.  He’s alive.  I’ll check in with him later.”  But later never comes because it’s an endless cycle.  You can’t do that with letters.  In letters and cards, people often choose to let you deeper into their lives than “here’s a picture of my dinner!” or “look at my feet in this weird beach pic!” or whatever.  Letters are personal.

8a15ff034673cf5c66ebc4b0131d1b22

Letters and cards also show that people are thinking about you.  They require forethought, especially for events like birthdays and holidays.  I love all of the birthday messages I get on Facebook (from the “happy birthday!” messages to the more personalized ones), but I always wonder what would happen if I turned off the notification.  How many people would actually remember without Facebook telling them?  A birthday card in the mail means someone put me in their calendar.  It’s just really sweet.

FountainPens1-e1285556502616
Plus, it gives you an excuse to buy pretty pens.

 

Like I said, I can’t say much since I’m not very good about writing letters and sending cards and all that, but I do recognize that it’s a dying art form.  I think it would be neat to get back into it, especially with friends.  So, go out there and show someone you’re thinking about them outside of cyberspace.  Write a note.  If you don’t want to spend money on a stamp and they live close enough, slip it under their door or put it somewhere they’ll find it.  Bring back the letter in all its glory!  Or don’t.  Whatever floats your boat.

Irrational Fears

Hello, hello!  Happy New Year!  Is it everything you were hoping for thus far?  Mine’s been pretty peaceful, which is why I’m not entirely sure why I’m being plagued by irrational fears.  You know, when you get that weight right in the center of your chest?  That trembly feeling that invades every waking moment?  At least until the cause passes, then you’re fine?  Yeah, it’s been like that for the past few days.  I just don’t know the reason this time.

fear
Seems legit.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of odd fears, but I usually know what triggers them.  I’m not fond of things suspended in the air (bridges, elevators, and the like).  That’s probably because of recurring nightmares of driving off a bridge into the river below.  I also fear being around grabby people (I blame doctors and nurses who don’t ask before they attempt to move my arms and legs, which results in pain or worse).  Needles.  Large dogs (another recurring nightmare).  Storms.  The doorbell or someone knocking on the door (no idea why on this one).  The list goes on.

I even get a minor case of the terrors when we’re going somewhere where I’m not familiar with the roads.  Bumpy roads are a pain (literally), so of course my mind fills with visions of potholes and speed bumps and unkempt dirt roads the whole way to our destination (and that’s not including the surprise jolts of adrenalin brought about by Texas drivers).  That’s just the way my mind works.  Thankfully, however, Google street view has helped with this particular fear a lot.

welcome-to-texas-road-sign
I guess “drive friendly” means try your damnedest to get your car to kiss another one in the most violent way possible.

 

But none of that explains the weight and trembles I’ve felt the last few days.  The only things I can think of in the near future are a trip to the DMV (I’ve already looked at the roads), my birthday (they’ve never bothered me before), and an event at a hospital (I’ve been there before).  Who knows?  Maybe I’m just freaking out because I’m feeling a little lost.  Maybe it’s something I’m just not thinking of.  Maybe I’ll never know what it is and it’ll fade away as mysteriously as it came on.  Fear can be a funny beast that way.

fear
Still haven’t seen this, but he seemed appropriate.

 

Anyway, this has been a glimpse into my paranoid mind.  I suppose it’s good practice, looking at some of the minor fears that can weigh on people.  They’re potential character traits.  Someone who faints every time the doorbell rings?  I could write that.  How about you?  Any fears that you feel silly for having?  What about the ones that terrify you?  Feel free to share some here or on Facebook or Twitter or G+.

I’m not sure what to post about next week, so feel free to send me some ideas or questions.  Have a wonderful week!

Rejected and Discouraged and That’s Okay

Hello there!  It’s almost the new year, so I should probably be writing about resolutions and all of that good stuff, but no.  I don’t do the whole “New Year’s Resolution!” thing.  Honestly, all they are 99.9% of the time are promises that aren’t followed through on.  Yeah… I’ll pass.  Instead, I’m going to be a bit of a downer and ramble for a while about how rejection and self-doubt are pretty much the norm for a writer.  But that’s okay.  It’s not the end of the world.

122110calvin_resolutions
Oh, Calvin.  Never change.

 

So, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I haven’t written anything aside from blog posts and a measly 200 words this month.  And no, I have no plans to remedy that in the next few days.  Why?  Because, I reached a point where I was feeling utterly discouraged and hit that “what’s the point?” wall.  For everyone who’s wondering if maybe I’m depressed, no.  It’s completely different.  It’s that angry “want to punch someone (except it’s not really anyone’s fault, so I have no one to direct said anger at) in the reproductive organs” type of feeling.  For me, at least.  Super annoying, right?

7cd808b19c1fb33511dfe5a41b182acf.jpg
Face works, too.  Not going to lie, this is oddly cathartic to watch.

 

 Nothing big happened to make me feel this way, it was just an accumulation of all the little things.  I suppose the most obvious thing would be the rejection slips that keep coming in from the places I submit short stories to.  I know they’re the hardest part of this whole writing gig for a lot of people, and yeah, I admit that sometimes they hurt, but I was ready for that going in.  It wasn’t until I got one last month (when I was already starting to feel the rage build) that it really got to me.  I had to stop and remind myself that rejection doesn’t equal failure.  My manuscript probably wasn’t even read!  Not that that makes any of this better, but it most likely sat in a slush pile for six months (and that’s a quick response time) only to have someone glance at the first sentence (if that much) and hit the reject button.  Call me cynical, but that’s how I picture it.

Speaking of six months in a slush pile, that’s what gets to me the most: the waiting.  Whether you’re sending it to a magazine or an agent or just your best writer pal for feedback, writing is mostly a waiting game.  Contrary to my behavior, I’m actually an exceedingly impatient person.  I was raised to get things done in a timely manner, to always meet deadlines, yadda yadda.  You know that whole “if you’re only five minutes early, you’re late” thing?  That.  So, the waiting gets to me.  I start thinking things must really suck (which is fine, just tell me that so I can fix it or move on).  But people in the writing field, like many creative folks, seem to have no concept of the movement of time outside of their stories.  I’m going to have to get used to that.  But, for now, I’m wallowing in the self-doubt it causes.

6ecbbb6049b2794cb8383c80cac9cd9b
Yes!

 

But you know what?  It’s okay to wallow sometimes.  Taking a long break can be helpful.  Recharging is needed.  In the past month, I’ve tweaked the plot on my novel-in-progress, come up with two ideas for other novels (possibly screenplays, I haven’t decided), and finally took the time to look at my screenplay-in-progress (which I’m thinking about getting back to in January).  I think I just needed some time to refuel.  In other words, know when to push through the pity party and when to embrace it.

I’ll see you next year!