I just wanted to update everyone who was wondering what happened with the pulmonologist (see the previous post, please). We ended up pushing the appointment back until August, so that the insurance people have a chance to work things out on their end. BUT, one of the respiratory therapists that I have known basically forever informed Dad that my primary care physician can sign the paperwork for me to keep my second vent. Yay! That means all of this was definitely unnecessary stress. Hopefully, everything is on its way to being straightened out. Wish us luck and send good vibes!
Randomness
How Not To Treat Your Patients And Acceptable Alternatives
Hello, hello! Today’s post will be devoted to the cripple side of life, rather than writing or food (and it’s kind of a rant). As many of you know, at best, I dislike doctors and, at worst, I despise them. I don’t like people who touch/grab/pull at me without asking FIRST and listening when I explain my limitations (doctors are great at the grabbing, but not so much with the listening). My anxiety levels are usually already maxed out before I even enter the building due to other fears mingling with the whole “it’s a doctor’s appointment” thing. Still, if a doctor says they want to see me, I make an appointment. I’ve never missed an appointment without a legitimate reason and, if something happens that I have to cancel, I do so as early as possible. Even though I don’t particularly like doctors, I’m not difficult to get along with as long as space boundaries are respected and they make their wishes known. Communication is key here.
So, here are some things that I do NOT respond to well as a patient (for my pulmonologist, but any doctor really):
1. Threatening to take away one of my machines. He didn’t threaten this directly, but he refuses to sign the paperwork okaying my second ventilator unless I come see him. We (my dad and I) have received no phone calls or emails or anything in the last year and more than a half (since my last appointment) saying this doctor wanted me to come in for a check up or else we would have complied. Instead, we got a call from the company supplying my vents that said they are going to take one away if the doctor won’t sign the paperwork. Does he really think I’ve gotten better since my last appointment? No. That’s not how this disease works.
2. Being forced to make a rushed appointment when it’s not technically necessary. Which is exactly what the above situation called for. I’ve only seen this doctor twice before, but both times he was booked months out, so a quick appointment isn’t exactly easy. Luckily, he had an opening for tomorrow (today? Wednesday, July 13th).
3. Being informed two days before my appointment that the hospital doesn’t accept my insurance. So, my options become a) cancel the appointment and risk losing one of my vents or b) paying $570 out of pocket. This is the ultimatum amidst a clusterfuck (pardon my language) of people trying to figure out if they can get my insurance to work with two days notice. I’m just glad I have Dad to field the phone calls (sorry I’m a PITA, or at least the reason you have to deal with this crap). It’s unnecessary stress that will most likely end up with us out $570. We’ll find out tomorrow (today?). If the appointment isn’t pushed back. We won’t know what’s going on until some time in the morning (just hours before the appointment). Yeah. Great.
Some acceptable alternatives to these things:
1. Call/email/text/send a carrier pigeon to schedule an appointment BEFORE you decide I don’t need a machine. I, like many people, don’t even think about doctors unless I’m sick/in immense pain/dying. And 90% of the time, I don’t even go then. If you want to see me, tell me. It’s that easy.
2. Give me plenty of notice. Hell, I will gladly make (and keep) an appointment for a year out if you want to make it as I leave the appointment we just had. If you don’t want to do that, see the first item of this list. Preferably, give me a month or two notice in case we run across any issues like you not accepting my insurance, so we have time to work it out.
3. Take my insurance information earlier, so we can work out any wrinkles without the pressure of an impending appointment. Follow the first two steps, and this one will be no problem. It’ll also give us time to explore our other options (whether that be insurance or doctors or whatever).
In other words, use common sense and common courtesy. I don’t know why these things are called ‘common’ when they’re anything but. Hopefully, my appointment tomorrow (today?) won’t be as much of a disaster as I’m imagining. Many people involved in this debacle have been very nice and understanding. Some have not. Either way, Dad and I have been stressing about all of this, so someone (knowing Dad, probably a lot of someones) is going to get an earful. If we go. Like I said, still waiting on the green light.
Sorry for the rant! I know my problems don’t compare to what’s happening in the rest of the world, but they bug me nonetheless. Thanks for listening/reading. Back to the regularly scheduled randomness next week. Peace out.
An Odd Interview Question
Hello again! Happy July! I hope my fellow Americans had a safe and wonderful Independence Day. I also hope all of my Canadian friends did the same on Canada Day. Anyway, about a week ago, I was searching through some of my old files from my Eastfield (community college) days looking for a particular poem when I ran across a list of interview questions I had to create for one of my classes. One of those questions brought back some memories. The question was “If you could transform into any creature (real, mythical, extinct, or otherwise), what would it be and why?” For some reason, it always seemed to make whoever I asked stop and really think hard. Even the teacher remarked that it was an odd and creative question. Which was weird, because it’s the type of thing that I think about all the time. Maybe it was because I didn’t set up any rules (no time limit, no information on whether the change is permanent, etc.). I left everything up to the person being asked. Or maybe I’m just weird. But I thought I’d take the chance to answer the question myself, since I never have before.
So, if I could transform into any creature (real, mythical, extinct, or otherwise), what would it be and why? That one has always been a no-brainer for me. Of course, I would be a mermaid. The “why” is a little more complicated. I mean, aside from the fact that they’re awesome and Ariel was nuts to give up her fins for a man, what other reasons do I need? Fine, we can get personal I guess.
First, and contrary to popular opinion, I actually love water. I miss being able to go swimming immensely, not that I could actually swim, it was more of a vertical doggie paddle. But yeah, I liked being in water because it gave me much more control over my body (I could walk, and move my arms, and stretch beyond my comfort zone without having to worry about someone assisting me and pushing me too far/breaking something, etc.). So, the attraction to water led to an early love of mermaids. Then came the whole gills versus lungs thing. My lungs suck, so gills became even more attractive as I got older. But I swear my attraction to mermaids is mostly because they are magical and gorgeous and so fecking cool.
It’s not like I want to be a mermaid all the time, though. So, the power to switch back and forth would be a must. At least in the beginning. Who knows, I might enjoy exploring the sea so much that I eventually never want to come back. Or I might hate it. Either way, I want the option. Maybe I’d have a limited number of swaps (like maybe five or something; always an odd number so I’d be forced to choose human on the fourth or whatever try, but always have that lingering option to go mermaid forever) to make things more exciting. I should probably write about mermaids more often. Story idea: cripple turns into mermaid. Must eventually choose between life on land or at sea. Adventures and peril abound. I could totally write that.
What about you? What creature would you choose? Is it a no-brainer or do you have to think about it? And yes, staying human is an option as long as you explain your reasoning. It doesn’t have to be a deep, thoughtful reason either. Go with your gut!
See you next week!
Cripple Rant
Hi there! So, you remember that post I made about three months ago, Murphy’s Law for Cripples? Well, it’s been three months and nine visits later, and things still aren’t fixed. They replaced the lift pump about a month after everything started (far too long), so that’s been working, but the new one is already clicking and catching and acting like it’s going to go out soon which doesn’t instill much confidence in the product. But hey, at least they spelled “front” right this time!
The chair batteries, on the other hand, are still messing up, though not quite as bad as they were. For the first month, month and a half, I couldn’t leave my room, let alone the house, because the batteries were dying so fast that I had to keep my vent plugged into the wall instead of the chair. Originally, the excuse was that the company was using cheap batteries which they tried me on twice. Batteries they KNOW don’t support a chair with additional functions (lay-back, vent support, etc.), but they use them to save money and because they have them in stock instead of having to order them. But if you’re sending guys out to change them every couple of months instead of every couple of years, how is that saving anything?
Eventually, they got the “good” batteries for me, but they still drained super fast. Another check in revealed that the guy had wired my vent to them wrong (an honest mistake that he owned up to right away, so no bad feelings there). The batteries were STILL draining, albeit not as fast, but faster than they’re supposed to, so they replaced them again figuring some of the cells had been damaged from the miswired vent. Guess what happened? Yup, the newest set are draining again! But a least I can leave the house. I did have to skip a few events because of the whole debacle though, so that didn’t make me very happy.
Anyway, this past week they decided to take the chair into the shop to tear it down so they could search for the real problem. What did this mean for me? Well, since my chair is one of the few things I don’t have a backup for (no place to store one), it meant that I stayed up all night on Thursday, slept all day Friday until they brought it back (they picked it up around nine, nine-thirty that morning and brought it back around six-thirty), then stayed up all Friday night and Saturday until around ten pm. I haven’t done that crap since I was in my early twenties. Needless to say, I am not twenty anymore. But now, the problem is supposedly my motors. They’re going out which is drawing more power from my batteries than usual. Who knows how long it’ll take to get those changed out. Hopefully not another three months.
But then, I woke up on Sunday, got on Facebook, and realized all my problems were insignificant.
Cozying Up With A Cozy
Howdy, howdy! It’s currently Monday (June 6th) and, instead of being productive, I decided to watch one of the Garage Sale Mystery movies. Yeah, Hallmark channel crap. Don’t judge me. Anyway, it got me wondering why a cozy is such an attractive thing. I mean, I can’t really say I’ve read any. And I have zero desire to write one. But I do enjoy watching the movies and some of the TV shows within that genre.
So, what exactly is a cozy mystery? It’s a subgenre of crime fiction. Some random lady (it’s usually a woman in my limited experience, anyway) in a small, close-knit town stumbles across a crime scene and takes it upon herself to solve the murder despite a fairly capable police force being present and numerous warnings not to get involved. There’re usually subplots of romance or family drama. And there’s almost always a BFF or creepily close sibling for the protagonist to bounce ideas off of and occasionally drag into some dangerous situation or another. They’re cheesy, (usually) family friendly crime dramas. Granted, some cozies break the rules, but this is the general set up.
What’s so appealing about this type of thing? I really don’t know. There tend to be dominant themes that link the movies together (baking, flowers, garage sale items, etc.), usually based around the protagonist’s career. I prefer food related ones (because who doesn’t love food?). I also know someone who writes a grittier type of cozy that revolves around the music scene, which is cool (okay, so I have read at least part of a cozy). It’s partly a matter of finding one with a theme you’re drawn to. It also helps if you like punny titles.
Personally, I think it’s mostly just the combination of a picturesque small town and a scarily naive protagonist who saves the day/solves the case and comes out of it all just as perky and unscathed as she started out. Yeah, I know that’s not how it works in the real world. I know most people who find a dead body would be scarred for life. But this is fiction, by golly! It’s a world where it’s possible to wrap everything up with a neat little bow in under two hours (or an hour if we’re talking TV shows) and have everyone end up happy. Sometimes, we need to escape to a place where that stuff is possible. Otherwise, reality gets depressing.
What about you? Are you a fan of cozy mysteries? Would you admit it if you were (because I know there are people who view the genre as “lowbrow,” and thus not worth their time)? If you are a fan, what do you like about the genre? Do you have any recommendations for movies or books or whatnot? Better yet, what’s a genre you enjoy, but have no idea why? Share your pleasures! Share your guilty pleasures even. And remember that this is a judgment-free zone.
Until next week!
Educators Who Changed My Life
Howdy, howdy! Lately, I’ve been seeing things floating around Facebook land with captions like “tag a teacher who changed your life” and all that. I haven’t actually participated in these memes, but I’ve seen them. And, recently, a teacher of mine from elementary school (and later high school) retired. It all got me thinking about how I always ramble on about Stonecoast and even my SMU professors, but I have yet to talk much about anything before college. I don’t even think I’ve mentioned my years at Eastfield (the community college I got my AA from). So, today I want to introduce you to a few of my favorite teachers from elementary through high school.
The first thing you need to know is that I don’t remember many of my teachers after fourth grade, because I was homebound. It’s a little different from homeschooling in that the school district sent a teacher to my house (she would bring my work from the school I was registered at, teach me whatever I needed help with, then take my work back to the school). I had a course list and was assigned to specific classes just like everyone else, except I did the work at home through a middleman. It wasn’t great, but my mom was afraid being around everyone would mean I’d get sick, so that’s how we did things. Honestly, it was fine. If I had gone to school, I wouldn’t have met Debbie Christian and Anita Wesley (two of the teachers who changed my life).
Ms. C. (Debbie Christian), was my second homebound teacher. I had her for sixth through ninth grade, I believe. She became a member of the family over the years and we still talk and have dinner occasionally. She’s moving soon to be closer to her grandkids, but that just means we (Dad and I) will have an excuse to do a little traveling to visit her. One of my favorite memories from her teaching days was when we were doing one of those “invisible ink” experiments where you wrote in lemon juice or milk or something, then held it up to a flame to brown the juice. The paper caught on fire and she tried to run it to the sink, but it broke off and fell on the floor. She was kind of panicking and Mom (who had come in to see what the commotion was) and I were laughing. Our kitchen floor was tile and at the time there was nothing flammable in the vicinity of the fire. It was hilarious.
My next homebound teacher, Anita Wesley, had me from tenth grade through graduation. She was a super sweet lady. Her husband is a pastor (he officiated Mom’s memorial service), so she was a little more religious than I was used to at the time. If I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t sure we were going to be a good fit at first. But she turned out to be wonderful. She always goes the extra mile for her students. I recently heard that she put together an award ceremony for a homebound student after the school made a fluke. That’s the kind of person she is. My favorite memory with Mrs. Wesley is an unexpected one. As an early graduation gift, she got me a Bible (not the kind of thing I’m used to receiving). The thing was, she wanted to get it personalized with my name in silver and all that fancy stuff, but before she did it, she asked if it would be something I would like. She didn’t force it on me or make me feel obligated to accept. We read from it and she was willing to talk about the things I didn’t get or that I found to be contradictory to other passages. I’m still not a religious person (in fact, I’ve probably only opened that Bible once since I graduated high school), but I still have it and I’m glad that I do.
Another teacher from those years who made a difference in my life was Loreta Peebles. She recently retired, so you can blame her for this stroll down memory lane. I had her in fifth or sixth grade, then again in high school for my AP English classes. She was one of the only teachers I was assigned to who reached out to me despite my being homebound. She helped organize a couple of parties at my house with my high school English classes and even had me participate in class via instant messenger (this was before Skype or she probably would’ve had me do that instead). But my favorite memory comes from the elementary school class. She had us mummify a Cornish game hen. Everything from ripping out its insides to salting it to wrapping it. I even had to decorate a shoe box sarcophagus for it. It’s buried underneath the slab to our shed. She was one of those weird teachers who could make just about anything fun. And we’re still friends.
Wow, this post turned out much longer than usual. Sorry, not sorry. I think I’ll wrap it up here. See you next week!
Changing Tastes
Hello once again! This week, we return to the randomness of unplanned blog topics. Joy! Though, I guess technically this one was kind of planned. A few weeks ago, my friend, Roxanne, asked me if my tastes in manga (Japanese comic books) had changed over the years and, if so, how. We were talking mostly about shoujo (manga aimed specifically at a female audience). My answer was a resounding “yes, my tastes have definitely changed and grown over the years.” Here, I think I’ll expand the topic to books in general, which is a little more hazy on just how much I’ve changed.
First, I suppose I should explain how my taste in manga has grown. The thing is, I’m not entirely sure things have changed as much as I’ve just become more willing to admit when I don’t like things. I spent years reading all of the things my friends suggested and I admit the stories were usually fun, but I never really identified with the characters. I wasn’t the type of girl who idealized males and gave out free passes for inappropriate behavior just because the guy was hot (both super common tropes in shoujo manga), so the whole concept of “romance” (this applies to both manga and the genre of romance) never really appealed to me. Now, I basically avoid stories like that. I guess I’ve become more selective over the years.
As far as books go, I’ve grown in the opposite direction. Used to, I’d only read horror and fantasy. Up until Stonecoast, I had only read the Twilight series (hated it, but read it anyway) and whatever I had to read for school outside of my preferred genres. Now, I have friends and mentors who write across all genres, so I don’t really have the luxury of being picky. I’m not going to tell someone I won’t read something just because I don’t usually care for their genre. Not only is that rude, it’s also limiting yourself. You’ll never know if you like something if you’re not even willing to try it.
For instance, I normally never would’ve read the book pictured above if it hadn’t been written by a friend of mine. It’s one of those things where I simply wouldn’t have even thought to look for it, but now I have people to recommend books outside of my comfort zone. I guess that’s the reason my tastes have changed in such different ways between manga and books. I always had different people recommending manga across all genres that I eventually had to stop and whittle away the stuff I didn’t like, but with books, I’ve always had such narrow interests that it was time to expand.
So, what does all of this mean? Basically, tastes are strange things indeed. If they’re not narrowing, they’re expanding. Either way, they’re always changing. What about your tastes in reading materials? Have you noticed any changes over the last few years?
Until next week!
Writing Challenge Q&A: Improvement Needed
Hello, hello! Welcome to the final installment of the Writing Challenge Q&A. I must admit that it’s been really nice knowing what I’m going to write about these last few weeks, but I’m kind of looking forward to just randomly picking a topic next week. This week’s ramble is courtesy of the lovely Morganna Williams. She chose number 26 (“write about an area in your life that you’d like to improve”). So, I suppose I’ll be talking about self-improvement for a little while.
Honestly, there are a lot of areas in my life that could be improved upon, just like there are areas that are great just the way they are. It’s hard to pick one. I could definitely use less procrastination. I could be more optimistic. I could be more adventurous (rather than sticking to the “plan”). And I could definitely work on not overthinking everything. But this is all stuff that I’m relatively okay with. It’s stuff that I’m slowly working on. I’ve found a way to overcome procrastination with my writing at least. I try to steer myself away from worst case scenarios. I’m saying “yes” a little more to last minute plans (only once or twice so far, but baby steps). Overthinking is still my downfall. So what would I like to improve? I guess I’m still not that great at socializing, which is something I’m okay with, but I know it’s not a good habit to nurture.
I fully admit that it’s me when I lose touch with people. I suck at remembering to text or message people unless they get in contact first. It’s really weird because I never had this problem when I was online with people at four in the morning. I was always the person to initiate chats back then. Adulthood has changed that. I’ve fallen victim to the “I talked to them first last time, so it’s their turn” mentality, which eventually warped into “I’ll talk to them tomorrow,” and we all know tomorrow never comes. I’m also super bad about thinking of texting someone while I’m in bed, then forgetting about it when I wake up. Socializing and I just don’t get along.
It also doesn’t help that most of my friendships are long distance. I hate the phone and always forget to email people back in a timely manner if it isn’t business type stuff. Hell, I can’t even write letters to my oldest sister (the jailbird) on anything like a regular basis. And yes, I realize this is all on me. I apologize for it repeatedly with different people. I just don’t know how to break myself of my reclusive habits.
I’m sure my hermit habits impact other areas of my life besides friendship too. After all, how am I supposed to meet a potential significant other if I’m never talking to people? How am I supposed to network for business connections if I don’t want to bother people (another big reason I hesitate when texting or messaging: I don’t really want to pester them, I just say I do)? I need to be more sociable. As much as it pains me to admit that, it’s true.
So, what about you? What area could be improved in your life? Do you have any suggestions for overcoming reclusive tendencies?
See you all next week!
Writing Challenge Q&A: My Day
Hello yet again! This is the second to last installment of the Writing Challenge Q&A for anyone who’s wondering. Today’s topic is courtesy of my beautiful and crafty friend, Angela Wilson. She makes some really neat stuff, so if you’re in the New Brunswick area of Canada and spot her at a craft fair, check her stuff out! She chose number 15 (bullet-point your whole day). I will do my best to describe my usual day. I’m not really that interesting, so I do basically the same thing every day. I actually started that Daily Goal Calendar that I mentioned trying out, so here’s a visual of my April!
So, a typical day goes something like this (please note that the times are approximations):
Noon ’til two – The process of getting up. This includes waking up, switching from my mask to the mouthpiece on my ventilator, a face cleaning, bathroom duties, making sure my Minion knows Dad and I are alive, transferring to the wheelchair, a cleaning followed by deodorant, getting dressed, and teeth brushing. It takes anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours depending on if we (we = Dad who is my caretaker and I) rush it.
Two ’til three-thirty – The breakfast routine. I check my email, try to post on all of my author pages, and play mindless games while Dad cooks breakfast and sets up my drink and whatnot. Eating usually takes 45 minutes or so (long enough to watch an hour long DVR’d show while fast forwarding through commercials).
Three-thirty ’til six-thirty – New writing routine! A couple of weeks ago, I started doing “writing stints” with a couple of friends. It’s like a writing sprint, but without the competitive element. We start at four (I take care of random small tasks or work on the crossword until then), write for an hour, take a five or ten minutes break to check in, then write for another hour and check in again. I always avoided things like that because I’m a slow typer and I feel awkward “racing” people, so we decided that we’d set our own goals and simply check in with each other to stay motivated and accountable. If we feel like it or miss our goals, sometimes we do a third stint. And we can do the stints separately if need be, then talk about them that night.
Six-thirty ’til eight – Randomness. There’s not really anything scheduled during this time. Sometimes I read. I might work on the crossword. Netflix is an option. So is revision (if I have something of my own stuff to look at) or critiquing (if I have someone else’s work to look at). I also answer emails and texts during this time. It’s really just for whatever I need to get done. If all else fails, there’re always mindless games.
Eight ’til eleven – Dinner, TV time, and more randomness. If we eat at home, dinner is usually pretty late. Then we watch a couple of hours of TV if there’s anything good on the DVR. Afterwards, I spend some time randomly checking Facebook or playing games or finishing the crossword or whatever before bed.
Eleven-thirty ’til one-thirty – The process of going to bed. Another lengthy process that includes a bunch of steps. Bathroom duties, cleaning, switching from the mouthpiece to the mask on the ventilator and getting everything set, etc. Basically just reverse the getting up process. It still takes forever. Then I talk to myself or Siri until I fall asleep (another lengthy process all on its own).
That’s my usual day. I told you I wasn’t very interesting. How about you? How was your day?
Writing Challenge Q&A: Blessings
Hello, hello once again! Are you ready for another round of the Writing Challenge Q&A? Today’s topic is courtesy of another fellow Stonecoaster, Derek Hoffman. He’s had some blessings of his own recently what with the newest addition to his family and whatnot, so he chose number 12 (“write about 5 blessings in your life”) for me to discuss today. I totally admit that this topic was way more difficult than it should’ve been, mostly because I’ve been overthinking it. My original thoughts just seemed uninspired and simple and things that everyone would say. Then, I realized that none of that matters. They don’t have to be exciting or complex or unique as long as I’m being honest with myself and you all. So, here’s a pretty standard list of my blessings, in no particular order.
1. If you’ve read my blog posts in the past, you knew Stonecoast (the program where I got my MFA) would be on the list. It was the first place where I felt comfortable coming out of my shell. I made some friends for life while I was there. I miss it a lot, but I’m really happy that I got to experience that kind of community. Plus, I got to visit the Harraseeket Inn for three winters because of it! I definitely recommend going there if you get the chance. Anyway, Stonecoast and the whole experience is something I will always hold dear.
2. My parents. It’s overdone, I know, but I have a pretty good reason to include them. Mom took care of me for 25 years. Things may not have been great (or even good) between us, but I really do appreciate that she took care of me. She did everything because I couldn’t do it myself. When she got sick and passed away, Dad took over. And even though I probably don’t say it enough, I appreciate him as well. Plus I get to eat his cooking. That’s basically a blessing in itself.
3. Friends. Yeah, I said it. Without my friends (you know who you are), I wouldn’t be the delightfully creepy person I am today. From the early Interwebz friends to the handful of local real life friends to the Stonecoasters, you guys rock. That is all.
4. The one really weird blessing that people probably won’t understand is the fact that I’m cripple. Don’t get me wrong, it usually sucks, but I know myself and I have a pretty good idea of the type of person I would be if I were “normal.” Let’s just say that I like the person I currently am a lot better. After all, I’d probably be dead or in jail or at least be a cautionary tale if it weren’t for the crippleness, so yeah. It’s as good as it is bad.
5. Pets. I know it’s hard when we lose them, but I wouldn’t give up knowing any of my animals. They enrich our lives in so many ways. They give us unconditional love even when we don’t necessarily deserve it. Pets are wonderful.
Yeah, it’s not a very insightful list, but who cares? It’s mine. What are some of the blessings in your lives?
Shawna's Blog of Doom 