Writer Problems

Bad Writer

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things here are quietly terrifying. Nothing is particularly bad for me currently, but we’re still in a dystopian horror story, so I can’t feel anything near calm. Anyway, as you well know, I’ve been a horrible writer for a long time now. A couple of short stories and random scribblings over the past couple of years do not a writer make. I’ve tried different things to get back into it, but I’ve failed repeatedly. I don’t really know why. I’m just lazy is what I keep telling myself. Writer’s block is a bitch. I just need time after so many rejections. Etc. But how do I fix this? How do I fix me?

I’m not just lazy. I know I’m generally a lazy person, but not when it comes to work. I went through something similar with reading when I was younger. I spent a few years voraciously reading everything, then one day I just stopped. I had no problem completing reading assignments for school, but whenever I picked up a book for fun, I couldn’t do it. Over the span of like 5+ years, I only read a handful of books for fun. Then, I randomly got back into reading. I don’t read anywhere near as much as I did, but I still read at least 20 minutes a day for fun on top of the time I spend reading for the monthly reviews. I don’t hesitate to write letters or stuff when I need to, so I know it’s not laziness. I don’t think it’s burnout either. I don’t know what it is.

I also know it’s not writer’s block. I know what I want to write and I’m not even opposed to doing it on most days. It’s like my brain prioritizes the book review reading and won’t let me write until I read, but then doesn’t want to write so late in the day. It’s more like self-sabotage than writer’s block. I suppose I really need to decide on a schedule and stick to it, but it’s hard.

Needing time after all the rejections is a good excuse, but I know it’s not really a factor at this point. Maybe the first six months or so it was. I’m not that sensitive, but hundreds of rejections (granted there were some really nice ones in there) with only a few acceptances is bound to get anyone down and questioning their life choices. But when does it become too much time? I’m well beyond that point and I know it.

Anyway, enough rambling. All I really wanted to say was that I opened the file of the book I’ve been thinking of getting back to and I had one of those moments. You know the one. That “Where’s the rest? Fuck… I have to write it…” moment. I’m not promising I’ll write it, but it was a nice feeling and I have been fiddling with the outline to update it.

Mindless Games as Productivity Tools

~ shawnaborman ~ 1 Comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things are still not sorted out here because the government is so very slow, so I’m not in a good mood, but I don’t want to rant. Instead, I’m going to ramble about one of the mindless games I play. Namely, Hero Wars. Ever since I started playing it, I’ve noticed a major increase in my reading productivity. I’ve been finishing reading the review books up to two weeks early (like next week’s book, I finished on the 13th instead of the 25th like planned) and not because they’re fabulous books as you know. It’s weird and sounds like a lie, but hear me out…

Hero Wars is one of those games where there’s like 50 things to do every day on top of the actual game and leveling up characters. A lot of these things are done with the auto setting permanently engaged, so you’re forced to stare at a bunch of characters battle for two minutes without actually doing anything. You can also turn on auto on the regular parts of the game which is useful when you’re just trying to collect items to level up your characters and are therefore playing the same level over and over again. It honestly gets boring, but I enjoy it nonetheless.

When I was about to give up one day because I had to read, I decided to just let the fight play out while I read. Then, after a few paragraphs, I went back to the game, set up the next battle, then read for a few more minutes. And I just kept flipping back and forth between the two which meant I never had enough time to get bored with either. I limit myself to only doing this with books I’m going to review, because doing two “for fun” things at once just seems like cheating. But it’s weirdly effective. I don’t dread my daily reading anymore. I can read as much as I want, then get a thirty second break to do something fun when I start to get bored with the book. It’s like a tiny serotonin bomb that makes the next few paragraphs or pages feel less like a chore (even when I really enjoy a book, reading can be difficult to focus on). So weird.

I’m starting to wonder what else I could apply this to. Maybe writing. I’ve only tried it while blogging a couple of times. It’s not quite the same. With the blog, I’m usually feeling pressured to get it done since I’ve waited until the last minute, so tiny serotonin bombs don’t really help. But perhaps with regular writing, it would be more helpful. I think I’ll try it.

What are some weird things that help you become more productive in certain areas? Are they limited to specific things, like helping with reading or writing? As always, feel free to share your comments or thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Tell Me What To Write

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. I finally have the desire to write again, but I can’t decide what I want to work on. Short stories have been going nowhere for me, so something novel length. But do I want to start something completely new? Edit something that’s been sitting in the metaphorical drawer for years because it needs a complete rewrite and I’m lazy? Or untrunk Bailey now that I’ve got some distance from her and see if I can rework her using some new techniques? So, I thought I would list some descriptions here and let you all vote for what I should attempt next.

1. Garnets and Guardians (this one has been shopped to agents, so it actually has a blurb, but I’ve learned new editing and plotting techniques that might help improve it/make it marketable)

Sometimes, the voices in your head really are out to get you.

Bailey Donovan is a thirteen-year-old who has recently been diagnosed with a life-changing disease: Limb-Girdle Muscular Dystrophy.  On top of that, she is forced to move to a small north Texas town to be close to a hospital that specializes in these types of diseases.

Despite all the changes being thrown her way, Bailey remains stoic.  A little too stoic for her mother who encourages her to express emotions Bailey would rather keep to herself.

After a series of increasingly strange events including a psychic waiter, her grandmother’s fairytales, and a psychotic dentist, Bailey finds herself stuck in therapy with the headache-inducing psychologist, Alice Parker.

As if all of this isn’t bad enough, Bailey stumbles upon the hospital’s dirty little secret: it’s built on a doorway to Hell and many of the town’s residents are actually demons.  This throws her further into chaos and raises questions about her origins and a possible intruder in her head that only her grandmother can seem to answer.  Follow Bailey into the abyss as she juggles family life, new emotions, physical challenges, and dark secrets.

2. The Last Rider (this one needs a complete rewrite because the plotting is off, so it’s got a first draft but has never seen the light of day)

Ky Reinholdt is an average, if somewhat of a loner, teen in a small town in far west Texas.  He’s a klutz, with no friends, who works in his dad’s diner and rebuilds things in a small shack out back when he’s not blowing up the chem. lab at school (it was an accident!).  Life is quiet and mostly peaceful until someone tries to kill him.  From that day on, he’s dragged into a world of secrets and war where everyone seems to know his name.  To top it all off, a creepy dude Ky meets in the school basement refuses to leave his side and doesn’t know the meaning of personal space.  Can Ky survive until his 18th birthday?  And what happens then?

3. Unnamed Cozy Mystery (this one is brand new and not completely plotted, but has a solid enough premise that it excites me and I could probably plot it out enough to start writing soon)

Cozy mystery about an older woman who drops everything to move to the country and open a small hotel. Twist, she sees/interacts with ghosts. She can’t open the hotel until she finds out what happened to a young girl on the property. But I haven’t decided on the reason for the big life change. And I’m not sure when I want it set. Modern day would be easiest research wise, but something older might be fun. I know the killer, but I don’t know the why yet.

So, what should I work on next? Vote below. And feel free to comment here or on my social media pages with your thoughts and ideas!

Working Hard? Hardly Working.

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? Enjoying your September and pumpkin spice? It’s still in the 90s here, so I have no interest in autumn drinks yet. But it’s time for the last ‘get to know me’ post unless someone picks another prompt or I decide to cheat and pick one myself next week. I might even look for new lists like this. I saw one about books the other day. Maybe I’ll hunt that one down for October or November. It’s just so much easier to write a post from a prompt. Anyway, if you’ve been following along, you’ll know that we’ve covered 47, 13, 43, 33, and 11. Today, Jen chose 27. The prompt is ‘work from home or office culture.’ I have no office experience, but I’ll try to think of something to say.

The list one last time.

I’ve never really thought about office culture before. If I compare it to college, I probably wouldn’t mind it. Being in a company where I’m doing my own assignment/job and mostly interacting with co-workers in need be or even semi-social situations doesn’t sound entirely horrible. Now, if it’s a group project, hell no. I hated them in school and would hate them at work. I was usually the one doing most of the work because I valued my grades. Put a paycheck on the line and I’d end up doing all of the work. No thanks. But yeah… as long as I could keep my head down and do my own work, I wouldn’t be opposed to a mundane office job. Pre-plague anyway. I wouldn’t want one now.

Working from home is fine. It’d be easier on me because my computer and everything is already set up for me. Being able to do things via email instead of face to face is divine. I would hate it if I was required to make phone calls. And random Zoom meetings would be horrible. But working from home sounds like a better choice overall. Which is why writing seemed like a good fit for me. I do the bulk of things on my own and (so far) everything else is done through emails and submission portals. No one has to hear my voice and that makes me very happy.

It’s me! And video calls are worse.

However, working implies that I get paid regularly, which I don’t. So, I can’t really tell you which of these scenarios I would prefer. I have to be super careful about any paying job I get because I have to worry about losing my benefits. It’s a whole thing. I mean, they took away my SSI and made me apply for a different version of Medicaid because the government started paying me a whole $12 extra a month which put me above the SSI cutoff. Not that anyone could actually live on what the government gives me. But I require Medicaid in order to survive, so my options are get a super high paying job with excellent benefits even though I have zero work experience, marry a multimillionaire and hope the prenup gives me a few million to live on just in case, or stay poor. So, yeah. Easy-peasy, right?

There you go. I’m not opposed to office work, but work from home sounds much better. What about you? Are you an office minion or do you prefer doing your work in your underwear? As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Out of Order

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Howdy, howdy! It’s the first Wednesday of a new year. How is everyone doing so far? Is 2022 going to be your year? I basically just want to survive it without getting sick, same as the last two years. But I also want to start being productive again. I failed hard in 2021 with everything except reading and blogging. It’s officially time to suck it up and get back on track. I started writing again this week. I’m not diving back into my old standards, but I’m going to work my way up to them. Same schedule, just starting out with a lower word count. But as I was writing words this week, it got me thinking about my writing system.

I started working on one of the stories I began last year and gave up on. I always knew the beginning and I know the ending, my problem is connecting the two. But what I really noticed when I opened the file is that I never wrote the ending out. I couldn’t. I can’t. The idea of writing a story out of order makes my eye twitch. I don’t mean a story has to be linear. I have no problem jumping around timelines. But I have to start at the beginning and work my way to the end. Writing random scenes and pasting them together makes me feel icky. It’s kind of ridiculous.

One of the stories I gave up on last year flips back and forth between the present and the past. In my head, I had every present scene plotted out, but I didn’t write them down because I couldn’t work out the past bits that alternated with them. I don’t know why I’m like this. It’s not like it’s difficult to skip around and insert scenes wherever I want. I use Word. All I have to do is move the cursor. It’s not like I’m writing this stuff out by hand or even using a typewriter. I should be capable of doing this.

So many other writers I know actually enjoy writing scenes and putting them together like a puzzle. It sounds so freeing. Don’t know what to write? Skip ahead! Or go back to something else you skipped. Easy peasy. But no. I have to make my life difficult. Am I worried I’ll forget to include something? Nah. I’d be one of those people who put a giant boldly colored note to “insert scene here” or something. I’m probably just super anal. Definitely. I like control and order when I write, maybe some organized chaos. But not sheer mayhem.

What about you? Do you have to write a story in a certain order or do you jump all around? Were you one, then you became the other? Or do you mix it up and write both ways? Do you have any advice for becoming someone who can work out of order? As usual, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages!

End of Year Stuff

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing? Can you believe it’s already December? The year just slipped right on by. I’m still stuck somewhere back in March. But seriously, it wasn’t a very good year productivity-wise, as you very well know if you’ve been stalking me. I don’t really know what happened. I just got lazy and everything spiraled out of control. But I really need to get back on track for next year, so I’m just going to ramble a bit about my goals for this month. They aren’t much, but hopefully enough to get me back on track for being productive in 2022.

1. Read two books. This is pretty much the only thing I’ve kept up with this year. My goal was to read 35 books and I just started my 34th of the year. As long as I can finish that one and pick/finish a book to review by the end of the month, I’ll at least have my reading goal done. It shouldn’t be a problem.

2. Research publishing companies and how to query them. I’ve given up on finding an agent for the current book I was sending out, but I do want to try some publishers before I decide to put it away for a while. I just don’t know how different the querying process is for publishers vs. agents. So, I’ll have to do some Googling and/or pester people for advice.

3. Read through the current novel-in-progress. It’s already fully outlined and ready to be written (I believe it’s about halfway done, maybe a little less), so I need to at least finish the first draft. It’s the sequel to the novel I was querying, so I think I just got a bit discouraged and disgusted with the whole thing. But I still love these books and want to work on them, so hopefully I can drop back into that world and finish the draft. We’ll see how I feel after I re-read what I have.

4. Write words. It doesn’t have to be good words or even a lot of words, but I do need to get back in the habit of sitting here, opening a document, and writing something at least four days a week (five if you count blogging). I’m not even going to worry if it’s all part of the same story. Just practice for getting back into the novel-in-progress. When I start that, I’ll decide whether to focus on a specific word count or just time staring at the screen. And whether I want to establish a daily goal or weekly one.

That’s my plan for December. Nothing too demanding or exhausting. Just something to hopefully set me up for a better writing year in 2022. Forcing myself has failed miserably this year, so maybe easing myself into it will work better. But I really need to start trying again. Being lazy is only an excuse for so long before people start accusing you of being depressed. What about you? What are your plans for the last month of 2021? Are you wrapping up current goals or starting to plan for next year? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or questions here or on my social media pages!

Progress, Not Perfection

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this week? Things are pretty much the same here. Got my flu shot last week. Should be eligible for a Pfizer booster soon. Other than that, I don’t have any reason to leave the house for the foreseeable future. I’m mostly okay with this. I should really buckle down and start writing steadily again. My slushing duties are basically done until the next submission period, so I have zero excuses to avoid writing. I just have to get back in the rhythm. NaNoWriMo is fast approaching. I’m not participating (I write far too slowly for that), but it’s always encouraging to see others’ progress. And progress is what I’m going to ramble about today.

I was watching NCIS the other night and Gibbs said something that I keep thinking about even though I’ve heard it before. “It’s about progress, not perfection.” I guess when Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes a motivational poster, it just hits different. But actually, it’s not originally from all the self-help crap (like motivational posters) floating around. According to Google, the quote’s origins are from the AA book (something to do with focusing on spiritual progress rather than trying to achieve spiritual perfection), but it’s shortened version has spilled over into common use pretty much everywhere (exercise, writing, art, etc.).

As a perfectionist, it’s difficult for me to appreciate the idea of progress. That affects my writing. It took me years to accept that nothing I write will ever be perfect, to just say it’s the best I can currently do and toss it out into the world as is. And I still struggle to see progress from piece to piece, since everything is different. It also takes me forever to write because I’m one of those weirdos who edit as they go, especially on short pieces, so I don’t always get to see the progress of a story through multiple drafts. It’s part of the reason I’ve been avoiding writing lately. I’m mostly just annoyed that I don’t seem to be moving forward. I can handle rejection. It’s the feeling of being stuck that I’m having trouble with.

But I need to suck it up and get over it. In my head, I know this. Actually doing the sucking up and getting over is proving much harder in practice than in theory. However, if I have no words on the page, I’ll never see any progress. I won’t have anything to mold into something resembling perfection. I have to write. Creativity is hard. Ugh.

Even Chuck thinks so.

Okay, I’m done whining and rambling. I will strive to see my own progress instead of aiming for perfection. I’ll try not to let myself feel mired in mediocrity. A forward motion. That’s what I’ll try to achieve. Self pep talks (read that as pep talks in general) are not my forte, so I’m going to stop now.

Anyway, what are some words of wisdom that help motivate you? What doesn’t help? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages! I’ll try to think of something better to ramble about next week.

A Villanelle

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this fine day? Things here are about the same as always. I did write some words last week! They weren’t very good and there weren’t nearly enough of them, but it’s something. I’ll keep trying to write something this week as well. The story is there, I just have to pry the words from my brain and splatter them on the page. It’s just fighting me still. This blog post is also being a pain in the ass. I’ve gone through twenty lists of prompts, but nothing is sticking out and begging me to write it. Nothing is even producing an inkling of an idea. So, I decided to trudge through some of my old poetry that would otherwise never see the light of day and pick something to post here. This is a villanelle that I wrote for my Intro to Poetry Writing class back at SMU. In case it’s not obvious, I didn’t know what to write about back then either. Please excuse its suckiness. Poetry is fun, but not my first language. I get a lot of it wrong, especially back then. As always, feel free to share your comments or critiques or whatever here or on my social media pages!

Me while trying to decide what to post here.

Writer’s Block

I don’t know what to write.
The words just won’t come
And fill that void with the contrasting black and white.

Should it be about wrong versus right?
No, that idea fills my head with a monotonous hum.
I don’t know what to write.

How about the darkness and the light?
No, I just want the parts to equal the sum
That fills that void with the contrasting black and white.

Maybe I should just go grab a bite
To eat, maybe have some rum
Because I don’t know what to write.

Maybe music can lend me some insight.
Maybe the pounding of Yuki’s drums
Can help fill that void with the contrasting black and white.

That’s enough; this is it for the night.
I’m done trying because the words won’t come.
I just don’t know what to write
To fill that void with the contrasting black and white.

Wasting Time

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this week? Things are good here. Dad got a new toy (the big Kamado Joe, an egg-shaped smoker), so I got brisket and pulled pork. Yum! Other than that, everything is about the same as it has been. I’m lazy. All I’ve really done is review edits for a story coming out early next year (I’ll post about it after the official announcement, which is supposed to happen later this week), annoy people with shameless self-promotion (keep an eye on my social media for more of that next week for Love Letters to Poe), read, and slush (I’m an associate editor for PseudoPod, which is a fancy title for first reader). Otherwise, I’ve just been wasting time. I had no idea what to blog about, so I searched for ideas for September. One of the lists of ideas that I usually find helpful posed a question to answer in a post, so I decided to use that for today.

Agree or Disagree: “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”

I both agree and disagree with this statement. Most of the time, I don’t really feel like I’ve wasted my time if I enjoy something, unless it eats away more time than it really should. Reading doesn’t count, because it’s actually work. At least that’s what I keep telling myself as I binge read webtoons/manga/manhwa. Okay, that’s not technically work, but it gives me stuff to think about when I can’t sleep, instead of having my brain home in on every stupid mistake I’ve ever made. Crocheting or drawing never really feels like wastes, because there’s actual proof that my time has been productive. Even just staring into space and thinking doesn’t feel like a waste of time, because that’s what writers do. It’s weird. But as long as it feels productive (even if it isn’t), I don’t feel like I’ve wasted time.

That said, watching more TV/movies than usual feels like wasted time. Playing mindless games for five minutes and realizing it’s an hour later feels like wasted time. It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing these things, but there will always be the feeling that I should’ve been doing something else. I enjoy wasting time. I understand that taking time to do stupid things is important, especially when you’re feeling burnt out or whatever. That doesn’t mean it’s not a waste of time, it just means you needed or wanted a break. And that’s okay.

Oops.

So, do I agree that wasted time you enjoy isn’t wasted? Eh. Not entirely. But I do recognize that it’s an important part of self-care. I know that people are going to scoff and call me a capitalist and argue that not everything has to be productive. I’m not saying it does. I’m just saying that unproductive wasted time feels like an actual waste of time to me. That’s not a bad thing. Embrace the waste! (Please don’t hug your garbage). I accept it for what it is: a much needed rest.

I guess hugging human trash is okay, but why would you want to?

I just wasted time writing this. Apparently, it’s my 350th post. I’ve wasted your time with 350 posts. Anyway, what’re your thoughts on wasting time? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or comments here or on my social media pages!

5 Things I Should Be Doing

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing? Can you believe it’s August already? That means Christmas is some time next week, right? Time just won’t stop. But I did find out the world still exists. Had a doctor’s appointment, so I had to leave the house. I have to do it again later this month. There were people without masks. It was annoying. But I expected it. Anyway, I should be doing things besides worrying about the state of the world. And since I have nothing else to ramble about, I figured now was as good a time as any to try talking myself into being productive again.

1. Start writing again. I haven’t written much of anything aside from blog posts since mid-June. I know. Shame on me. I just have to decide whether I want to jump back into my last novel attempt or finish up some short stories. Probably the latter, so I have new stuff to submit. Just have to make myself do it.

2. Catch up on submissions. I’m three weeks behind, so I need to submit to six places on top of the two for this week. No idea why I started slacking on this. Yes, it’s getting more difficult to find paying markets to send these stories to, but not impossible. Also, writing a few new short stories or flash fiction pieces will help make submitting easier. I know this, yet I’m still lazy. Motivation is hard.

I haven’t had this happen yet, but I check at least ten times before I send anything and a couple of times after I send it. Just in case.

3. Query some more agents. I think I’ve waited long enough for the “only responds when interested” agents, so I can send out the last ten or so agent queries for DS1, then wait a while for replies before trying publishers. Or maybe I should just go right for the publishers? I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.

4. Get excited about reading again. I read every day, but it’s felt like a slog for the last month. It doesn’t seem to matter what I read. Nothing holds my attention for more than a few minutes. It’s weird. Maybe I’m just burned out. No idea. Hopefully something will grab my attention soon.

WIPs = works in progress.

5. Finish something. Anything. A story, the shawl, whatever. Sometimes, I think if I could just feel the accomplishment of finishing something, my creativity would start flowing again. I know that’s not how it actually works, but it’s how I feel. The biggest problem is forcing myself to do the thing.

There you go. Sorry I didn’t come up with anything better to ramble about. Blogging is even harder than writing stories. As always, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions or whatever here or on my social media pages!