The Pale Freak of the Moon

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello! Today hasn’t been a very pleasant day and I have no idea what to write about, so I decided to have some fun with this post. Earlier, I ran across one of those things where you use your initials to make a random phrase from their options (this one was “your nerd identity”). I really liked mine for once, so I decided to use it as a prompt for a quick flash piece specially written for my blog. It’s a first draft, so sorry if I ramble. As always, feedback and thoughts are welcome!

The initial thing in case you’re interested.

The Pale Freak of the Moon

The dust cascades ahead of me as I slide down the side of the crater, no doubt signaling my arrival like ripples on a pond. At least, that’s what I imagine when the Freak tells me about the motion of the water on Earth.  Nothing like it exists up here, so it’s hard to follow her stories sometimes.

I slip through the shadows, avoiding prying eyes, as I make my way to her cave.  No one else dares to follow me down here for fear of her, but they have no qualms about throwing rocks from above when they see me out in the open.  According to the Freak, bullies are the same whether they’re here or on Earth.  Difference makes you an easy target until you prove yourself otherwise.  But no matter what I do, they still come after me.

“You’re late, child.”  Her voice, strong and deep, rings out from the depths of her home before I even cross the threshold.  “Did you bring it?”

I skitter into the belly of the cave without answering.  A soft glow tells me she’s by the shrine in a corridor off to the left.  She sits by the altar with her legs crossed and her arms stretched out to welcome me.  Her features are that of an Earthling, but her skin is so pale it emits a gentle white light.  Taking me in her arms, she performs the welcoming ritual of a hug.  I struggle with the gesture every time, my tentacles tangling around themselves as I attempt to reciprocate.

“Well?” she asks.

Pulling a vial from my pouch, I hold it out to her.  Inside, a single seed floats in a viscous purple fluid.  Blood.  Namely, the blood of my mother.  The seed, a pulsing green orb, is her life force.  She left it to me when she passed into the nether realm less than a week ago.  Normally, I would be expected to plant it in the ground and raise the resulting child with my life partner in order to keep my mother’s bloodline flowing, but I have no partner.  No one here wants to spend their life with someone whose eyes are as bright as the stars.  Not in a place where darkness reigns supreme.

That’s why I have to do this.

Mother understood my decision to interrupt her eternal cycle, even condoned it.  She knew how miserable I was here.  Still, guilt pulls at my hearts when the Freak takes the vial from me.

“It’s beautiful,” she says.  “Are you sure you want to do this?  You can’t come back if you’re unhappy there.”

My tentacles raise in an involuntary shrug.  “I know I’ll never be happy here, so what’s the point in staying?”

The Freak nods and turns to the altar.  It’s covered in things from Earth: leaves, stones, flowers.  I wonder, not for the first time, how she keeps these items alive, but don’t voice the question.  She chants in a language I have never heard.  It sounds older than time itself and lulls me into that place between waking and sleep.

When I’m finally pulled back into consciousness, I can’t tell how much time has passed.  I wipe the sleep from my eyes, but instead of the usual tentacle, I have a hand.  The flesh is a rich tawny beige that I always imagine when the Freak speaks of sandy beaches.  My entire body now appears to be that of an Earthling.  I rush to the reflective glass she has hanging on the wall in the main room as fast as I can on legs I’m unaccustomed to, falling countless times before I get the hang of it.  My eyes are still the pale blue, almost white,  I’ve always been scorned for, but they somehow seem natural in my new face.

“Amazing,” I say.  “You’re a miracle worker.”

“It was all you.”  She touches my shoulder and turns me toward her.  “I only allowed your human form to come out.  Everything else was already a part of you.  I told you you were beautiful inside.  We’re not done yet, though.  Are you ready to make the journey?”

I swallow hard and nod.  Words refuse to form on my tongue.

The Freak opens the vial I had given her.  My mother’s scent fills the room and tears prickle at the corners of my eyes.  Pouring the seed into her palm, the Freak makes a fist.  She chants more unknown words until the fabric of space and time rips open.  Past the ragged hole is a beach unfolding into the ocean.  It’s just as I always imagined.

“It’s now or never,” the Freak says.

The seed in her now open palm is withering.  The opening to Earth begins to shrink.  Hesitating, I take a shaky breath.  The scent of saltwater hits me for the first time and a calm comes over me.  Yes, I can be happy as long as I have this view and this aroma to get lost in.  I step through the portal and into a place where no one knows me, where I’m not yet hated.  I start my life anew.

The End

November Has Arrived

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  I hope everyone had a delightfully scary Halloween!  It was pretty dreary around here, so we just sat in the house and waited to see if any trick-or-treaters were going to show up (only my four munchkins showed up).  Anyway, since it’s now the first (and apparently national author’s day), I thought I would post something writerly in celebration of the day.  Actually, it’s not so much writerly as it is something to hold me accountable to my writerly things.  I’m talking about goals.  It worked really well for me in September, so I’m posting them publicly again.

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Rocks are nice, Charlie Brown.

1. Write 18,000+ words.  I know it’s not NaNoWriMo levels of writing (I like what little sanity I have left, so I don’t participate in that), but it’s something I can accomplish in a reasonable fashion without killing myself.  Plus, it leaves me with time to do the rest of the things I have to do each day.  But I wish everyone doing NaNoWriMo well.  I’ll cheer you on from the sidelines!

2. Read two and a half books.  I’m currently in the middle of The Curious Affair of the Somnambulist and the Psychic Thief by Lisa Tuttle for my own amusement.  I’m supposed to read Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate for the book club I’m in.  Then, I have an ARC (advanced reader copy) of The Curious Affair of the Witch at Wayside Cross, also by Tuttle, to review by the end of November.  Not to mention reading all the little things I have to keep up with.

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A little slow, but decent so far.

3. Revise and send a flash fiction piece out into the slush-void.  I got some wonderful feedback from my critique group on the piece I sent to them back in September.  They all insisted that I clean it up and send it out.  Some of them might flog me if I don’t, so here… it’s officially on my to-do list.

4. Submit a story to my critique group.  It’s just another flash piece that I forgot I wrote a long time ago.  It suddenly popped back into my head a few days ago.  So, after I find it and clean it up a little bit, I’ll send it their way.

5. Last, but not least, I want to write one new short story or flash fiction piece.  I know that I mainly want to work on my novel, but I haven’t written anything short in a long time.  I miss the feel of completing something in a few days instead of months.  I’m probably rusty, but I want to get back to the conciseness inherent in short stories.  I’m afraid I’ve grown too accustomed to writing longer pieces.  I don’t want to lose the ability to focus on something short.

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So yeah.  Those are my writerly goals for November.  What about you?  Is there anything specific you hope to accomplish this month?  Are you participating in NaNoWriMo?  Feel free to comment here or on my social media accounts!  Let’s hold each other accountable.

Thoughts On COURT OF TWILIGHT

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  It’s that time again, the last Wednesday of the month, which means it’s time for a book review.  This month, I’ll be talking about Mareth Griffith’s Court of Twilight, which came out on October 17, 2017.  First and foremost, I have to thank NetGalley and the publisher, Parvus Press, for sending me an ARC (advanced reader copy) in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.  Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the actual review.

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It has a lovely cover.

I really wanted to like Court of Twilight by Mareth Griffith.  The basic premise is that fairies (or trows, as they’re called here) exist and once a year, the King who is chosen by lottery every April is killed by the Enemy the following March.  Ivy Gallagher, a seemingly normal human being, is dragged into this drama simply because she answered an ad that seemed too good to be true on Craigslist for a flatmate.  Sounds fun, right?  And it is to a point, but I had far too many issues with the story, so it was often hard to enjoy.

For example, Ivy was portrayed as your average twenty year old, but a lot of the time, she had about as much brain power as a box of rocks.  Especially when the secret of the trows was being revealed to her.  Even though the guy kept telling her that humans had a tendency to ignore the unusual, she couldn’t pick up on the blatantly obvious weirdness going on around her.  It was as if she was being willfully ignorant.  And she couldn’t remember names that she had heard in the last day or so, even though they were odd and important.  And when she finally remembered, it was like the biggest revelation ever.  Aha! moments are great, but not everything needs to be one.  Worst of all, she didn’t recognize her own mother whom she had lived with until she was twelve.  I understand they hadn’t seen each other in seven years, but she had pictures hanging on the fridge and everything.  How could she forget her mother?  Ivy was just too stupid for me a lot of the time.

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Rocks might even be smarter.

I wanted to blame all of her stupidity on the veil (the mechanism that keeps trows invisible to humans), but nothing in the book supported that hypothesis.  It made things invisible to the naked eye, but the book didn’t say anything about it messing with people’s memories.  Unfortunately, there’s a limit to how much I can buy into characters being idiots without a reasonable explanation.

Another thing that got to me was that throughout most of the book, Ivy had no love interest (which I was totally down for because not every book needs a romantic subplot), but at the end she suddenly has feelings for a trow she had spent the majority of the book wary of and occasionally downright hating.  Like, when did the whole love thing happen?  And why?  At least take the effort to thread it throughout the book.

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Um… what?

Aside from that, the writing is fairly ramble-y and there’s too much filler.  I don’t really care about Ivy standing by the sink eating a pot of noodles unless I’m learning things while she’s doing it.  But at the same time, I’d rather see her eat noodles than have the same thought discussed in her head for an entire page or more.  I found myself constantly thinking “I understand that’s how she feels, now what’s she going to do about it?” for the first two thirds of the book.  I’m impatient, I know.  And when things finally started getting good and I wanted it to slow down, a couple of pages later, it was over.

Ultimately, it was left wide open with more unanswered questions than I’m usually comfortable with, so I’m kind of hoping for a sequel.  Even with all my issues, the premise was interesting enough that I would give a second book a shot.

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I’d rate it 2 out of 5 stars as it is.  It had a lot of promise, and if a little more work had gone into it (on top of what I’m sure was already a ton of work), I think it could have been great.

Blah Days Binge Worthy Shows: Anime Edition

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  This week has been pretty blah so far.  Monday, I was the kind of sick where you feel mentally fine and physically okay for the most part, but you have to keep leaving the computer (or whatever you’re doing) because of reasons I won’t get into.  Needless to say, I wasn’t very productive that day, though I did finish reading a book (Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman.  Message me on Facebook if you’ve read it and want to discuss).  As I’m writing this (it’s Tuesday), I woke up with the general blahs and am blaming ragweed and allergies for it.  Normally, I’d put off working in favor of binge watching something when I feel this cruddy, but I figured I should attempt a blog anyway.  So, here’s a list of five anime I’d rather be binge watching (again) than writing this!

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1. Fullmetal Alchemist or FMA: Brotherhood (whichever one I can find the dub of at the time).  I’ve seen both versions multiple times, but I still come back to it every couple of years.  The only problem with them is that I can only get through so many episodes before I hit the first one that turns me into a sobbing mess (if you’ve seen it, you know the one I mean).  Who wants to melt into a puddle of tears when they already feel like crap?  So, I usually save these two for when my nose isn’t already leaking like faucet.

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2. Ouran Highschool Host Club.  It’s stupid and hilarious and usually easily found on Netflix, so it’s perfect for when the blahs strike.  I know it’s full of typical shoujo goodness (commoner girl gets roped into spending her days with the hot rich guys and falls in love), but it totally makes fun of all the usual tropes along the way, which is why it’s awesome.  Granted, the ending was rushed because they decided not to do a second season, but you can always read the manga too if the blahs hold onto you for a few days.

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3. Yuri on Ice.  I actually only watched this for the first time a few months ago on a couple of my blah days.  Who wouldn’t want to watch a bunch of male figure skaters with vaguely yaoi undertones?  Okay, maybe just me.  But it was lovely and I really want to watch it again even though I saw it not too long ago (which is actually really weird for me).

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4. Cardcaptor Sakura.  I’ll watch the whole thing, but I prefer the episodes after Yue shows up, especially when I feel blah.  I love the show, but it’s mostly on the list because Yue is my eye candy.  I know that’s not an appropriate reason to watch something, but I don’t really care.  Also, I can’t wait for the new CCS series coming out soon!

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5. Sailor Moon.  Specifically, the Black Moon Clan arc.  Why?  Because even though he’s a villain and an idiot, Prince Demande/Demando/Diamond was my favorite bad guy (still is when it comes to SM).  I might have an eye candy problem when I feel blah.  I also just noticed that I apparently have a type.  I’m okay with this.

So, that’s one of my go-to lists for binge worthy shows when I’m not feeling 100%.  What about you?  Do you have any shows you go back to when you’re not feeling well and don’t feel like following new story lines?

The Problem With Privilege…

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy!  Any time something awful happens in the world, after the initial shock wears off, there seems to be an uptick in talk about “privilege” among my Interwebz friends.  I don’t know why.  Awful things happen because people suck, not because they’re privileged.  But still, the debates arise.  Normally, I avoid these conversations and keep my opinions to myself because, frankly, my opinion doesn’t really matter and doesn’t mesh with most of my friends’ opinions.  So, instead of joining the debates on Facebook and Twitter (which almost always devolve into name calling), I thought I would share my thoughts about privilege and my experience with it here.

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I, in fact, do not like to live dangerously, but here it goes

I actually really hate it when people start throwing around the word “privilege.”  It’s not because I don’t believe it exists, but because I don’t believe it’s an insult to the people you’re calling privileged.  Nor is it something to be ashamed of.  A privilege is a good thing.  According to the OED, a privilege is “a right, advantage, or immunity granted to or enjoyed by an individual, corporation of individuals, etc., beyond the usual rights or advantages of others.”  Why would anyone in their right mind be ashamed of that?  Granted, not everyone has earned these benefits, but be honest… if you received some kind of special treatment from other people, would you feel guilty?  I don’t, and I get a lot of special treatment (cripple privilege is very much a thing).

The word “privilege” is, however, an insult to everyone you’re not including in it.  I’m white, which comes with its own set of privileges according to the people who bandy that word around.  I’m also female, crippled, and not entirely heterosexual.  All of which, according to these same people, make me somehow lesser in the eyes of others.  Don’t get me wrong, these people will tell me that I’m just as good as everyone else, just as good as a straight, white, able bodied male, then they turn around and say that the male has more privilege (read: is treated, and thus viewed as, better by others) because of the way he was born.  That’s a contradiction.  I’ve had this conversation before (oddly enough, never with the straight, white, able males because I’ve never met one with the gall to insinuate I’m lesser to my face) and I really want to tell people to make up their damn minds.  Are we equal or is he (the so-called privileged guy) better?  You can’t have it both ways.

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I also dislike calling people privileged just because they got certain genes, because it gives them a kind of power they don’t deserve.  Everyone deserves respect and courtesy, but that’s because we’re all humans.  Treat people the way you want to be treated until they give you a reason to treat them differently.  Don’t give them special treatment then call them privileged, because at that point they’re just accepting what others are offering them.  Now, if they demand to be treated better than everyone else, they’re entitled asshats.  Entitlement is different from privilege.  Entitlement means they’re assuming they’re special.  Privilege means you’re assuming they’re special.  At least, that’s how I feel about it.

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This is what I think of when they talk about privilege.

I know this post will piss people off, but it’s just my own thoughts.  “Privilege” isn’t something we should feel bad about having.  It’s something that is given to us by other people and it can be taken away.  All the word really does is reinforce the idea that some of us are lesser because of genetics, which is stupid and hurtful.  I think a better phrase to describe people who think they’re privileged is to say they have an unhealthy “sense of entitlement.”  That’s all.

Feel free to share your thoughts or comments here or on my social media pages!

Books Vs. eBooks

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  It’s October already, so I wanted to give you a quick update on my September goals before I get into this week’s ramblings.  I wrote about 19,000 words (huzzah!), finished reading two books and am working on a third (which is where this post is coming from), queried my 100th agent (the waiting continues), submitted a flash piece to my critique group, and messaged some different people (the conversations didn’t last long, but at least I tried).  In other words, September was super productive and I hope October will be as well!

Now, onto what this post is really about: books.  Pretty much everyone I know has strong opinions on whether regular old books or ebooks (Kindle, Nook, etc.) are better.  Here are my thoughts.

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Book 1, eBook 0

First up are books.  Personally, I adore them.  The smell of an old book is basically the best thing ever.  The feel of a page against your hand is lovely.  And going into a library or bookstore (or our back bedroom) to peruse titles is one of the funnest activities in the world.  Or maybe it’s just a nice activity because it doesn’t usually have to involve other people (unless you’re me), which is a plus for introverts.  There’s also something about seeing book covers outside of a screen that’s awesome.  I bought one book online and had no idea its cover was shiny and metallic until it got here, which only made it cooler.  So yes, I love books.

On the other hand, books are a pain in the ass for me.  If they aren’t in a couple of very particular places, I can’t grab them by myself when I’m in the mood to read.  I know asking someone (read: Dad) to hand me a book isn’t a big deal, but it requires them to stop whatever they’re doing just for that.  It’s weird.  Plus, I sometimes have trouble opening/keeping a book open (especially when they’re new).  If you’ve ever had a book close itself and forgot what page you were on, you know how annoying it is.

Books-are-a-uniquely-portable-magic.

Next up are ebooks.  In my opinion, they aren’t nearly as magical as regular books.  No one can see the cool cover as you read or how far along you are, so they can’t really strike up a conversation about the book (but who really wants that when they’re reading?).  They don’t smell, they don’t have weird stains on the pages, they don’t have the right feel.  BUT!  They’re easier for me to use.  I can pull a book up on my phone or computer whenever I want.  I can browse for titles online without any help.  They’re just really convenient for people with a limited range of motion.  And that makes them awesome in their own special way.

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It’s true.

Ultimately, for me, both books and ebooks have their pluses (neither of the plurals for that word look right) and minuses.  If I love an author and can be reasonably sure I’ll like the book, I’ll automatically opt for a hardcopy.  If I don’t know the author or have doubts about whether I’ll enjoy a book, I automatically go the ebook route.  For everything in between, my choice usually boils down to how fast I want/need the book.

What about you?  Do you prefer one over the other?  Why or why not?  Feel free to share your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

Thoughts On HALF PAST

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  Welcome to the first monthly installment of book reviews!  A friend recently introduced me to NetGalley, a site through which publishers offer ARCs (advance reader copies) in exchange for honest and unbiased reviews.  While going through their options, I came across Half Past by Victoria Helen Stone, which came out September 19th, 2017, and decided to give it a shot.  First and foremost, I have to thank NetGalley and Lake Union Publishing for the ARC.  Here’s my review.

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The cover is nice.

I originally chose to read Half Past because it sounded interesting.  Hannah Smith, the 45-year-old protagonist, has returned home to rural Iowa in order to take care of her ailing mother and recover from a divorce and being let go from her job.  She discovers that she might be adopted and decides to go on a journey of self-discovery in the hopes of finding out about her origins.  The back blurb hints at a dark story, so even though it’s not something I would normally pick up, I tried it.

The whole premise of the novel turned out to be flawed.  Hannah is O- blood type and she discovers that her mother who has dementia is AB+.  The narrator mentions that anyone who took high school biology knows this isn’t possible, and a brief Internet search seemingly supports that, but I happened to have a doctor’s appointment while reading this book and she said it technically was possible.  So, I dug a little deeper (it wasn’t even a difficult search) and discovered articles by a geneticist who teaches at Stanford that explain that while it’s extremely rare, there are a few ways an AB parent can have an O offspring.  And if it was just Hannah assuming she knew everything, I could overlook this, but a doctor tells her she must be adopted instead of telling her she needs to consent to more tests to be positive.  The whole thing tainted my view of the book, but I kept reading.

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Facepalm was an accurate reaction throughout the book.

Then there was Hannah herself.  Honestly, she acted more like a fifteen-year-old than anything.  Everything was a major drama that she couldn’t handle, so she constantly ran away and blamed everyone else.  She complained about never fitting in, but she never made an effort to do anything about it.  And I’m sorry, but at 45 years old, you should know that the woman who raised and loved you (because her childhood was a happy one) is your mom.  You don’t run away from her in her time of need to search for your “mom.”  I had no way to connect to Hannah until the very end when she finally takes a little responsibility for everything, but by that point I already disliked her.  If she were younger and this was a story about her finally becoming an adult, I probably would’ve enjoyed it a lot more.  As it is, she came off as a flaky, annoying, crybaby.

The story itself was a quick, easy read.  It felt a little predictable, but my mind goes to the dark places a lot easier than other people.  I did think it was a little too drawn out.  If I found out I was adopted and the only lead I had was a strange birth certificate, the first thing I would’ve done was look for the witness listed on it.  Maria Diaz ends up being an afterthought when nothing else pans out.  I think Hannah conveniently forgot the name so she could go on a vacation.  That’s what it felt like anyway.

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This was the look that accompanied the facepalm while I was reading.

I will say that I enjoyed the writing style.  It was comfortable and kept me reading despite my issues with the story and with Hannah.  While I wouldn’t put it on my list of favorites by any means, I wouldn’t tell people not to read it.  It simply wasn’t my cup of tea, but other people might enjoy it.

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Ultimately, I’d give it three out of five stars.  I wasn’t a fan and I think some things should’ve been better researched, but beyond that it was well written.

Character Questionnaires: Yes Or No?

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy!  While I was searching for something writerly to blog about, I kept coming across ideas for character questionnaires (getting to know your characters, things to know about your character before you start writing, etc.).  The questions varied from basic stuff about looks and personality to weird things like “what’s in their fridge right now?” (the main character of my novel-in-progress currently has pizza, coffee creamer, and pouches of blood in her mini fridge, in case you were wondering).  And, at first, this seemed like a really neat idea, until I came across a list of 1,000 questions I was supposed to know answers to for my characters.  Yes, three zeroes.  It seemed pretty excessive to me.  I started to wonder when something like that went from a useful tool to being something to procrastinate with.

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Pretty sure this would be the reaction from my novel-in-progress’ main character and her bestie.

I just feel like there are things you should naturally know about your characters before you start writing, even without a questionnaire.  Name/nickname, the basics of how they look, main personality type, any distinguishing features.  For me, these are all things that come naturally with the voices in my head.  I don’t need to write them down, because I know them.  Occasionally, I’ll make a conscious decision to change an eye color or hair color if I have too many blue eyed blondes or whatever, in which case writing it down somewhere is helpful.  But all the questionnaires that start off with these things feel more like a way to procrastinate than anything useful.  On the other hand, if you’re the type of writer who works on multiple projects at once, I can see how you might mix up characters without having some kind of reference sheet.

Then, there’s the group of questions about character motivations which seems a lot more helpful to me.  Knowing why your characters do things helps when you’re writing and trying to decide how they’ll react to different scenarios.  It makes writing believable scenes easier.  Say your main character freaks out when their roommate pulls out a sword in a non-threatening manner.  Why?  Well, if you know they witnessed their sibling getting stabbed, you can hint at that or build around it even if the reader doesn’t know it yet.  Something less severe: why does your main character throw a tantrum every time her boyfriend steals her Oreos even though she’s a grown woman?  Maybe her siblings always ate all the cookies when she was a kid.  If you know their motivation, you can figure out how they’ll handle things realistically.

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A completely acceptable reaction.

Last, they have the really out there questions.  The “what’s in the fridge” and “favorite sex positions” types of things.  These are the ones that I’m almost positive people answer to feel productive, but they’re really just procrastinating.  I don’t think my character’s preference for red Gatorade over blue has any impact on my story, unless there are monsters in the Gatorade, then maybe.  These are the questions that are fun if you’re having trouble writing one day and are hoping answering them will spark something.  Otherwise, you’re just goofing off.  And that’s okay!  I understand the desire to put things off, but don’t lie to yourself about it.

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It’s totally procrastination.  Own it.

Overall, I don’t find character questionnaires that helpful.  They’re fun and something to do if I’m stuck or really don’t feel like writing, but, honestly, I’d rather just write most of the time.  What about you?  Do you fill out character questionnaires wen you create your characters?  What are some questions you find the most useful?  Which ones do you ignore or consider unhelpful?  Feel free to comment here or on my social media pages!

The Tendency To Assign Blame

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Hello, hello!  Last week, I had a really good writing week, despite having a day of errands (after which I wrote a book review blog post even though I didn’t want to/have to) and taking a day off because I felt crappy.  I met all my goals and even had time to watch some anime along the way.  But looking back, I realized that I never really took credit for my productivity (not last week or ever, that I can remember).  At least, never for the little every day things.  I have this weird tendency to blame inanimate objects for my success, like taking credit for it will somehow ruin it.  Or maybe because inanimate objects have awesome powers that make me productive.  I don’t know.  I’ve just always done this.

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I do that too.  You’d think they were people.

I’ve seen a lot of people do this.  Instead of saying they rocked that day, they give all the credit to some good luck charm or special t-shirt or whatever.  And I totally understand the compulsion to have something tangible to blame for things that otherwise seem to come from thin air, because it’s easier than acknowledging that it’s all you (especially if you’re terrified of failing and need something to blame for that too, just in case).  But I sometimes think I’m weird because I don’t have just one special item I blame for everything, good or bad.  I use whatever happens to be handy.

For example, last Saturday I was feeling particularly procrastinate-y (I don’t know how else to describe it), and a neighbor brought over a little rubber rat for me as an early Halloween gift, so it sat on my computer watching me while I worked.  At the end of the day, when I gave Facebook my boring little update on what I did that day, instead of saying that I fought off my procrastination and wrote the words, I said that I wrote because my new friend was keeping an eye on me.  I’ve blamed shirts.  I’ve blamed pictures.  I’ve blamed dolls.  The more I think about it, the stranger I think I am.

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My little rat friend.  His name is Yuki Sohma, like from Fruits Basket.

Part of me thinks it’s because I’ve always been easily annoyed by people who brag too much, so I don’t want to become one of them.  Ooo, I wrote words and did all the other stuff I needed to do… big deal.  Right?  But at the same time, I like seeing my friends celebrate all their accomplishments, no matter how small.  So, why shouldn’t I celebrate mine?  Probably because it’s a super thin line between celebrating and bragging and I don’t want to cross it.  I guess blaming inanimate objects makes it feel less like bragging and more like praising whatever inspired my productivity that particular day.

But screw all that!  Some days, you need to own your accomplishments, even the tiny ones.  Especially when people act like you aren’t doing anything.  Stop blaming inanimate objects for your successes.  You did it.  You rock.  And it’s okay to pat yourself on the back once in a while.

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We could all be a little more like Barney.  Just a little, though.

What about you?  Do you blame your successes (or failures) on inanimate objects?  Do you have a lucky item that lends you its powers from time to time?  Or do you take all the credit for yourself?  Feel free to comment here or on my social media pages!

Three Golden Rules For Writing That I Never Follow

~ shawnaborman ~ Leave a comment

Howdy, howdy!  I recently talked to a friend from my critique group about some comments I sent her on a story, and she mentioned the notion of writing rules.  These are the things that get constantly reiterated in writing programs (like our MFA program).  We’re told all of the things we can and can’t do.  Meanwhile, authors who are getting published are breaking all the rules and no one else seems to care.  Does that mean the rules are really suggestions?  No, not necessarily.  It simply means people are choosing to break the rules that don’t work for them or their stories.  Some of them do this more successfully than others, in my opinion.  But I’m glad I learned the rules because breaking them deliberately tends to work better than breaking them because you don’t know any better.

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Sure they are.

But here are three of the rules of writerhood that I never follow:

1. Write EVERY day, even on holidays and when you’re sick.  Because everyone knows you’re not really a writer unless you write a bunch of words every single day and never take a break.  Except, that’s complete bullshit and anyone who tells you otherwise is a Liar McLiarson.  Yes, it’s good in the beginning and helps train your brain to take writing seriously, but beyond that, it’s just not possible and you shouldn’t feel obligated to work that way if it doesn’t help you.  Personally, I need a weekend, even though I mostly just sit around and play mindless games.  Self care is important and you deserve it.  Plus, who wants to write after they’ve been up all night projectile vomiting (just an example)?  It’s okay to take breaks.

2. ALWAYS read your work aloud.  This is great advice if you’re practicing for a reading or if something doesn’t feel right and you can’t figure out what it is, but I don’t like reading things out loud.  For one, I feel stupid doing it.  But mostly, I don’t want to read my novels out loud because I’m lazy.  It would take forever at the pace I speak.  Plus, the voices in my head make reading silently more interesting for me and I can hear when things sound abnormal in their voices, whereas if I’m reading aloud, I might find out where I stumble over phrasing, but I’ll miss things that feel natural to me even though my character wouldn’t actually say it.  So, reading everything out loud isn’t for me.

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Stephen King said it, so it must be true!

3. Adverbs are BAD.  This is one of those rules that I ignore when I’m writing, but follow when I’m revising.  Yes, there’s usually a better way to say things than using adverbs, but I’ll be damned if they aren’t awesome in a first draft (which is the writing part of writing for me).  It’s difficult to think of the perfect phrasing when your goal is to get words down on a page.  That’s where adverbs come in handy.  Sure, there are better, more evocative ways of saying “she walked slowly upstairs,” but it’s a perfectly acceptable phrase for a first draft.  You can decide in your edits whether she trudged, or hobbled, or snuck (sneaked?), or whatever.  But adverbs are great placeholders until that point.

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Such a rebel.

So yeah, those are a few of the golden rules of writerhood that I break.  What about you?  Are there any rules of your craft that you don’t follow?  Anything that seems like it was created by an overzealous person who didn’t understand that not everyone works the way they do?  Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, etc. here or on my social media pages!