Sweet Nothings

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are pretty okay. Just reading a lot and that’s about it. I try writing and eventually give up after a few days. Can’t even force it. Anyway, I’m not here to complain. It’s time for another of those “ask me about” prompts. I’ve done 13 (you can find the prompt list there) and 31. Today is 41. Next month I’ll answer 54 and 7. Feel free to pick more numbers to add to the list. But let’s see the prompt for today! Ask me about the nicest thing said to me…

Well, this is difficult. I’m not someone who knows how to deal with people saying nice things to me, so I usually just file them away as people being kind but not really meaning anything by it. Thus, I forget those things. You can only get so many “You’re so inspirational” and “If I were you, I’d never get out of bed” types of comments before you start realizing people are just nuts. Eh, that’s unfair. They think they’re being nice. It’s not. It’s low key ableism. But that’s not what this post is about! This is about my inability to take a compliment.

Unless those compliments are super weird, then I’m okay. I still remember the time the dude said my eyes were like blue crystal and he wanted to cut them out and hang them on the wall. A friend dude, not a stranger dude. Even I would be like “Stranger danger!” if I didn’t know the person. Don’t tell strangers things like this, please. Anyway, this same dude also told me that he forgets he doesn’t have to explain his creepiness to me and is glad I’m crazy too. So, those were good compliments.

Me trying to figure out how all my friends end up being creepy.

Believe it or not, he’s not even the weirdest person I know/have known. Anyway, I’ve also been told normal things too. Back when I was studying psychology at SMU, I had to take an extra random science course because one of the ones I did at Eastfield didn’t transfer. I chose Physics. The teacher dude lagged behind after lab one day just to tell me that psychology was kind of a science, but I should pursue a real science degree… preferably in physics. It was funny and weirdly nice. I would’ve if I’d had more time on my scholarship, but I didn’t and I would’ve needed too many math courses to catch up even if I had enough time for the regular physics degree, so somehow (blame Dad if you know the story) I ended up switching gears entirely… to English. So science-y, right?

I could probably list more nice things now that I’m thinking about it, but I won’t. It feels awkward to dwell on these things. I like randomly recalling them, but thinking about them in order to write about them is weird in the creepy way. So, your turn. What nice things have people said to you? As always, leave your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

Lottery Dreams

Hello, hello! How goes it on this delightful Wednesday? Things here are okay. I have to venture out in public tomorrow for an ENT appointment to get my ear cleaned out. Fun. Not really. But you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, I was planning on procrastinating writing this until I remembered I have some of those Ask Me About thingies left to answer. You can find the prompt and answer to number 13 here. Today is 31. I still have 41, 54, and 7 to go. Feel free to pick a number to add to this list. Today’s prompt is: Ask me about if I won the lottery…

How big of a lottery are we talking about? Take home, not the actual “prize” amount, because we all know that’s not what you get. And I’d take the lump sum because no one has time for that yearly payout crap. Anyway, it’s a dream. Let’s splurge and say half a billion. I’d be comfortable with 10 million, but I’m supposed to be dreaming big here.

First up is land. Because we’re getting out of Texas if one of us ever comes into so much money we aren’t stuck relying on my benefits. How much are islands going for these days? Something warm, preferably. If those are too expensive, we can at least afford to leave the states. Or not. Maybe we’ll just find some land by an ocean. Have a house built to our needs and wants. Hire people to help take care of me without having to worry about what the government will pay for or allow or whatever. People to clean. A part-time cook. Gasp! Pastry chef! But yeah… sorry, Dad. You’d still have to cook sometimes.

Healthcare and medical equipment. A new wheelchair whenever I want one without having to argue with people about what I NEED, let alone what I want. The fancy insurance won’t cover it? I’ll just pay out of pocket. Whatevs! That would be glorious. And with people to help take care of me, Dad could use his fancy insurance to get fixed up without worrying about money or me. Why do people keep saying money doesn’t buy happiness? It gets rid of like 90% of the stress in life when you can afford everything you need, like shelter and food and clothing and healthcare and (in my case) personal assistants/caregivers. That’s a happy boost if I’ve ever seen one.

I’m sure we’d get new vehicles. How much does a used cruise ship go for? We could refurbish it and create a writers’ retreat (or artist get away or pretty much any kind of retreat people want to pay for) at sea when we’re not using it to travel. Boat maintenance and storage is expensive, so some kind of income from it would be helpful. Or maybe just a fancy yacht for us. Something to go all over the place in. I don’t know.

Oh! And I could get a job without having to worry about losing my Medicaid. That’s the best part of having money. I can become a productive member of society without some government peon constantly threatening to pull all my attendant care and healthcare before I’m actually capable of supporting myself and Dad.

Money sounds delightful. A house in a place that isn’t Texas. Healthcare and medical equipment. Care attendants besides Dad. Vehicles. The freedom to get a job. I could go for all that. Anyway, pick a number if you want. And, as always, feel free to leave your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages!

I Still Have Nothing To Ramble About

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this fine Wednesday? I’m lacking things to blog about. Again. So, I vaguely remembered sharing one of those “Ask me about…” things on Facebook and never actually answering most of them that Jenae picked or the one Joe chose, so I’ll do those here. I’ll also put the list of questions here, so feel free to pick any you want added to the blog post list. Jen chose 13, 31, 41, and 54. Joe chose 7. Multiple selections are acceptable, but I’ll only answer one per post to drag this out as long as I can. That means first up is 13: Ask me about what I did yesterday.

First, I need to figure out if yesterday means today since you’ll be reading this tomorrow or if it means Monday since today is Tuesday. Not that it makes much difference. My days slide into each other. Let’s go with Monday! It started off a little slow because Dad had to keep going out to check the pond during our usual routine. We have a leak somewhere, but he has to test certain areas in order to narrow down where in the pond or waterfall it’s at. Anyway, things started slow but okay.

For breakfast (lunch? It’s usually around 2:30 because I’m lazy and don’t get up until after noon), Dad made Matzo Brei for the first time. He used America’s Test Kitchen’s recipe (I borrowed the picture below from them) and topped it with some salmon, dill, and crema. It was yummy. Be jealous. While he was making that, I posted on my author profiles and played my stupid games. While we ate, we watched an episode of Murdoch Mysteries.

Afterwards, Dad did stuff in his shop and I mostly just read. I got through a chapter in my review book, which I’m weirdly ahead on. And I almost finished my for fun book. I also checked random stuff that I need to keep an eye on. But mostly just read and played stupid games.

For dinner, we had leftover brisket and beans. Mmm. We watched Dalgliesh because for some reason, Acorn didn’t have the latest Brokenwood episode up. Then, Dad went outside and I did the crossword. When he came back in, we watched an episode of My Family and I ate a Jason’s Deli version of a Rice Krispie treat. Then, stupid games until the bedtime routine began.

I’m boring. I know. Don’t forget to pick a number! And as usual, feel free to leave your comments or questions or whatever here or on my social media pages!

Worrisome Worries

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? It’s a little toasty here in Texas. That’s about it. Got our second Covid boosters yesterday (today as I’m writing this), so if the past is any indication, I’ll probably be feeling a little blah today (tomorrow?). Hope not. Anyway, if you remember last week’s post, you’ll know that I’m doing a ‘get to know me’ thing. You can look at the questions here or you can randomly pick a number between 1 and 50. Last week was 47. This week is 13. And numbers 43, 33, 11, and 27 will get us through August. This week’s pick is courtesy of Jen and it’s an annoying one (which she will be super pleased about). The prompt is “thing(s) you’re worried about”. Ugh.

Everything? Is that an appropriate answer? I’m worried the world is collapsing. The U.S. certainly is. You can’t leave the house without worrying about a deadly virus and all its little mutations (well, I can’t. Other people don’t give a flip and just go around mouth-breathing on whoever they want. Asshats). Can’t even leave the house without worrying about being shot, whether it’s road rage or mass shootings or whatever. It’s insane. And during all of this shit, women are being denied safe access to healthcare. Don’t bother coming at me with your baby killer arguments. I’m not even talking about women who choose to abort pregnancies. I’m talking about women being forced to carry dying/dead fetuses because they aren’t allowed to have an abortion. I’m talking about women getting sick and potentially dying because their body doesn’t evacuate everything and they need the help of an abortion to clean things out. Abortions aren’t just about killing babies. The procedure is a treatment for many things. But the pro-lifers don’t think about anything like that. And it’s absolutely terrifying that politicians are making these decisions instead of doctors and their patients. That’s a slippery slope. The government already tries to tell me what kind of medical equipment I don’t need. Everything is a fight. Pretty soon, they’ll just start saying no to everyone who’s not rich enough to line their coffers.

And that’s just a tiny helping of the rational things I’m worried about. I have a tendency to take every scenario to a worst-case one. Even just sitting around the house, I worry about stupid things like sink holes and drunk drivers (even though it would be super hard for any vehicle to come crashing into our house) and planes falling from the sky and fire (I especially worry about that one at night) and power outages (again, more a night time fear). The list goes on forever. It’s disturbing how much I worry about things, usually stupid things. But I can’t stop.

None of that even touches on my personal worries. Like, what do I do when Dad drops dead? What does he do when I drop dead? Yes, we have plans in place, but I still worry. What if I’m alone forever? What if I actually find someone (which is even more scary than being alone)? What if I never succeed at anything ever again? School didn’t adequately prepare me for failure in my career choice. Why am I so horrible at being a person? I suck at maintaining relationships. I’m not good at speaking. I cry when I’m angry. Why am I such a mess? In other words, I worry about everything.

I think I should probably stop rambling and shove all of this back down into the deepest recesses of my soul where it belongs. Deep breaths. Force the smile until it becomes natural. There we go. Next week is book review time! These posts will start up again the week after. As always, feel free to leave a comment or question here or on my social media pages! And pick a number if you want. Jen picked two, so I guess I won’t count multiple choices as cheating.

Grossest Food

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this bright and beautiful day? It’s been 100+ degrees here for a while now, so it’s been a little toasty. Nothing much to report. I’m looking at some smaller/independent publishers to submit DS1 to since I haven’t heard back from the ones I’ve submitted to thus far. And I’ve been reading a lot. I’m boring, I know. Anyway, I came across this ‘get to know me’ thing that I posted on Facebook for fun about a year ago. I decided to recycle it and asked people to blindly pick a number between 1 and 50. My friend Kyle chose 47 and Jen picked 13 (which will be next week’s post). The first picture is the post with the questions. Feel free to choose a number and I’ll use the prompt for the next available post.

So, 47 is the grossest food you ever had. This is a tough one. I don’t generally have a strong dislike toward food. I either like it or it’s just meh. That being said, the most horrible thing I’ve ever had in my mouth was a rotten oyster. Don’t get me wrong, I love oysters on the half shell. But one of the last times Dad and I went to Red Lobster, there was something seriously wrong with them. Dad gave me one, which I immediately spit out, then ate one himself (he didn’t spit because he’s a lady like that, I guess). There was a definite sewage taste to them. Blargh. Inedible. Then, the manager dude was a patronizing dipwad, so that made the whole experience worse. I can’t remember if that was the last time we went to Red Lobster or if we just avoided the oysters after that. But neither of us got sick, so yay?

Another thing I remember strongly disliking was uni (sea urchin). I don’t think it was rotten or anything, but it had a very strong kind of muddy sea taste that was unappealing. Granted, we tried it at sushi place nearby, so it wasn’t the freshest specimen. We’re landlocked, so seafood is not a plentiful thing here and fresh (never been frozen) seafood isn’t really a thing at all. In other words, I would give sea urchin another shot if we were by the sea.

Oh! Tahini. The first thing you have to understand is that I trust my dad way too much when it comes to food. So much so that when he puts a spoonful of something in my face, I taste it without question. Rarely do I regret this reflex. But with tahini, I did. And he knew exactly what he was doing because he had tasted it first (I wasn’t around so I didn’t see his reaction). It was super bitter and awful. I don’t know if it was just the brand we got or what, but no. Just no. If someone who knew about tahini recommended a specific brand or whatever and a recipe called for it, we’d probably try it again (it was just for a sauce for something Dad made once). But just going to Tom Thumb and just grabbing whatever they have on the shelf? No thank you.

The one we had was thicker, but I can’t remember the brand.

I’m sure there are other things I really don’t like, but nothing is coming to mind. I was raised to try everything once. It was pretty much the only food related rule in our house. And it’s also the reason I’m usually willing to try things more than once if I haven’t eaten them in a while. Tastes change. Food is fun. What are some of the grossest things you’ve eaten? Was it something you’d be willing to try again under different circumstances? As always, feel free to share your comments or questions here or on my social media pages! And pick a number from above if you want!

Writing Challenge Q&A: Struggles

Hello, hello!  As you may know, last week I decided to do a writing challenged turned Q&A thing (see it here).  If you haven’t chosen a number, but are still interested in doing so, feel free!  I discussed day 29 last week.  Day 8 is up today.  And days 19, 28, 12, 15, and 26 are coming up in that order (it’s a first come, first served order).  Today’s topic is courtesy of Dallas Funk.  She chose day 8, which is “share something you struggle with.”  Her only stipulation was that it be about more than my struggle to meet my writing goals, because she wants to learn something new about me.  So, I guess I’ll write about the fact that I struggle with expressing myself.

Untitled-1 It’s kind of like that.  But don’t get me wrong, it’s mostly just a face-to-face and/or an emotional thing.  In face-to-face conversations, I mostly just feel awkward when I’m asked for my opinion or whatever, so I end up uh-ing a lot while my brain plots out a response or I just go with the old standbys “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.”  Then there’re those moments when I give a way too concise answer and people look at me like I’m supposed to say more because apparently conciseness isn’t conducive to small talk.  That’s why I like the Interwebz and texting.  I can still have a real-time talk, but I can take my time to think through an answer without feeling like I’m being put on the spot.

“Uh… I don’t know?”


Even worse than all of that, though, is when I have to express myself emotionally.  I laugh, I smile, I cry.  That’s about it.  It’s not like I can jump up and down when I’m excited.  I can’t scream or punch things when I’m angry.  So, negative emotions come out as tears (which only manages to piss me off more because crying is weak even though I know it’s really not).  Positive emotions come out as a smile or a laugh or whatever.  And I’m not blaming this entirely on the fact that I can’t do most of the physical responses, it’s actually mostly because I’m a bottler by nature.  I push emotions deep down into the abyss of my soul where they belong.

The weirdest part is that I don’t have much trouble expressing these things in my writing.  Granted, most of my main characters tend to be fairly reserved with their emotions, but they’re better at expressing themselves than I am.  Maybe it was all of those psychology classes I took that helped.  Who knows?  But I can say that I’m trying to work on learning to express myself better, whether in day-to-day conversation or with my emotions.  The latter is proving the most difficult.  And my hermit-ness doesn’t really help with the former.

Maybe watching Inside Out would help.


What about you?  What do you struggle with?

Until next week!

P.S. I’m debating on posting a poem I wrote in undergrad one of these Fridays.  Anyone interested in that?  After all, it’s National Poetry Month.  But if no one is interested, I won’t do it.