Worrisome Worries

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? It’s a little toasty here in Texas. That’s about it. Got our second Covid boosters yesterday (today as I’m writing this), so if the past is any indication, I’ll probably be feeling a little blah today (tomorrow?). Hope not. Anyway, if you remember last week’s post, you’ll know that I’m doing a ‘get to know me’ thing. You can look at the questions here or you can randomly pick a number between 1 and 50. Last week was 47. This week is 13. And numbers 43, 33, 11, and 27 will get us through August. This week’s pick is courtesy of Jen and it’s an annoying one (which she will be super pleased about). The prompt is “thing(s) you’re worried about”. Ugh.

Everything? Is that an appropriate answer? I’m worried the world is collapsing. The U.S. certainly is. You can’t leave the house without worrying about a deadly virus and all its little mutations (well, I can’t. Other people don’t give a flip and just go around mouth-breathing on whoever they want. Asshats). Can’t even leave the house without worrying about being shot, whether it’s road rage or mass shootings or whatever. It’s insane. And during all of this shit, women are being denied safe access to healthcare. Don’t bother coming at me with your baby killer arguments. I’m not even talking about women who choose to abort pregnancies. I’m talking about women being forced to carry dying/dead fetuses because they aren’t allowed to have an abortion. I’m talking about women getting sick and potentially dying because their body doesn’t evacuate everything and they need the help of an abortion to clean things out. Abortions aren’t just about killing babies. The procedure is a treatment for many things. But the pro-lifers don’t think about anything like that. And it’s absolutely terrifying that politicians are making these decisions instead of doctors and their patients. That’s a slippery slope. The government already tries to tell me what kind of medical equipment I don’t need. Everything is a fight. Pretty soon, they’ll just start saying no to everyone who’s not rich enough to line their coffers.

And that’s just a tiny helping of the rational things I’m worried about. I have a tendency to take every scenario to a worst-case one. Even just sitting around the house, I worry about stupid things like sink holes and drunk drivers (even though it would be super hard for any vehicle to come crashing into our house) and planes falling from the sky and fire (I especially worry about that one at night) and power outages (again, more a night time fear). The list goes on forever. It’s disturbing how much I worry about things, usually stupid things. But I can’t stop.

None of that even touches on my personal worries. Like, what do I do when Dad drops dead? What does he do when I drop dead? Yes, we have plans in place, but I still worry. What if I’m alone forever? What if I actually find someone (which is even more scary than being alone)? What if I never succeed at anything ever again? School didn’t adequately prepare me for failure in my career choice. Why am I so horrible at being a person? I suck at maintaining relationships. I’m not good at speaking. I cry when I’m angry. Why am I such a mess? In other words, I worry about everything.

I think I should probably stop rambling and shove all of this back down into the deepest recesses of my soul where it belongs. Deep breaths. Force the smile until it becomes natural. There we go. Next week is book review time! These posts will start up again the week after. As always, feel free to leave a comment or question here or on my social media pages! And pick a number if you want. Jen picked two, so I guess I won’t count multiple choices as cheating.

Grossest Food

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this bright and beautiful day? It’s been 100+ degrees here for a while now, so it’s been a little toasty. Nothing much to report. I’m looking at some smaller/independent publishers to submit DS1 to since I haven’t heard back from the ones I’ve submitted to thus far. And I’ve been reading a lot. I’m boring, I know. Anyway, I came across this ‘get to know me’ thing that I posted on Facebook for fun about a year ago. I decided to recycle it and asked people to blindly pick a number between 1 and 50. My friend Kyle chose 47 and Jen picked 13 (which will be next week’s post). The first picture is the post with the questions. Feel free to choose a number and I’ll use the prompt for the next available post.

So, 47 is the grossest food you ever had. This is a tough one. I don’t generally have a strong dislike toward food. I either like it or it’s just meh. That being said, the most horrible thing I’ve ever had in my mouth was a rotten oyster. Don’t get me wrong, I love oysters on the half shell. But one of the last times Dad and I went to Red Lobster, there was something seriously wrong with them. Dad gave me one, which I immediately spit out, then ate one himself (he didn’t spit because he’s a lady like that, I guess). There was a definite sewage taste to them. Blargh. Inedible. Then, the manager dude was a patronizing dipwad, so that made the whole experience worse. I can’t remember if that was the last time we went to Red Lobster or if we just avoided the oysters after that. But neither of us got sick, so yay?

Another thing I remember strongly disliking was uni (sea urchin). I don’t think it was rotten or anything, but it had a very strong kind of muddy sea taste that was unappealing. Granted, we tried it at sushi place nearby, so it wasn’t the freshest specimen. We’re landlocked, so seafood is not a plentiful thing here and fresh (never been frozen) seafood isn’t really a thing at all. In other words, I would give sea urchin another shot if we were by the sea.

Oh! Tahini. The first thing you have to understand is that I trust my dad way too much when it comes to food. So much so that when he puts a spoonful of something in my face, I taste it without question. Rarely do I regret this reflex. But with tahini, I did. And he knew exactly what he was doing because he had tasted it first (I wasn’t around so I didn’t see his reaction). It was super bitter and awful. I don’t know if it was just the brand we got or what, but no. Just no. If someone who knew about tahini recommended a specific brand or whatever and a recipe called for it, we’d probably try it again (it was just for a sauce for something Dad made once). But just going to Tom Thumb and just grabbing whatever they have on the shelf? No thank you.

The one we had was thicker, but I can’t remember the brand.

I’m sure there are other things I really don’t like, but nothing is coming to mind. I was raised to try everything once. It was pretty much the only food related rule in our house. And it’s also the reason I’m usually willing to try things more than once if I haven’t eaten them in a while. Tastes change. Food is fun. What are some of the grossest things you’ve eaten? Was it something you’d be willing to try again under different circumstances? As always, feel free to share your comments or questions here or on my social media pages! And pick a number from above if you want!

Writing Challenge Q&A: Struggles

Hello, hello!  As you may know, last week I decided to do a writing challenged turned Q&A thing (see it here).  If you haven’t chosen a number, but are still interested in doing so, feel free!  I discussed day 29 last week.  Day 8 is up today.  And days 19, 28, 12, 15, and 26 are coming up in that order (it’s a first come, first served order).  Today’s topic is courtesy of Dallas Funk.  She chose day 8, which is “share something you struggle with.”  Her only stipulation was that it be about more than my struggle to meet my writing goals, because she wants to learn something new about me.  So, I guess I’ll write about the fact that I struggle with expressing myself.

Untitled-1 It’s kind of like that.  But don’t get me wrong, it’s mostly just a face-to-face and/or an emotional thing.  In face-to-face conversations, I mostly just feel awkward when I’m asked for my opinion or whatever, so I end up uh-ing a lot while my brain plots out a response or I just go with the old standbys “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.”  Then there’re those moments when I give a way too concise answer and people look at me like I’m supposed to say more because apparently conciseness isn’t conducive to small talk.  That’s why I like the Interwebz and texting.  I can still have a real-time talk, but I can take my time to think through an answer without feeling like I’m being put on the spot.

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“Uh… I don’t know?”

 

Even worse than all of that, though, is when I have to express myself emotionally.  I laugh, I smile, I cry.  That’s about it.  It’s not like I can jump up and down when I’m excited.  I can’t scream or punch things when I’m angry.  So, negative emotions come out as tears (which only manages to piss me off more because crying is weak even though I know it’s really not).  Positive emotions come out as a smile or a laugh or whatever.  And I’m not blaming this entirely on the fact that I can’t do most of the physical responses, it’s actually mostly because I’m a bottler by nature.  I push emotions deep down into the abyss of my soul where they belong.

The weirdest part is that I don’t have much trouble expressing these things in my writing.  Granted, most of my main characters tend to be fairly reserved with their emotions, but they’re better at expressing themselves than I am.  Maybe it was all of those psychology classes I took that helped.  Who knows?  But I can say that I’m trying to work on learning to express myself better, whether in day-to-day conversation or with my emotions.  The latter is proving the most difficult.  And my hermit-ness doesn’t really help with the former.

INSIDE-OUT-8-1940x1092
Maybe watching Inside Out would help.

 

What about you?  What do you struggle with?

Until next week!

P.S. I’m debating on posting a poem I wrote in undergrad one of these Fridays.  Anyone interested in that?  After all, it’s National Poetry Month.  But if no one is interested, I won’t do it.