Worrisome Worries

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this week? It’s a little toasty here in Texas. That’s about it. Got our second Covid boosters yesterday (today as I’m writing this), so if the past is any indication, I’ll probably be feeling a little blah today (tomorrow?). Hope not. Anyway, if you remember last week’s post, you’ll know that I’m doing a ‘get to know me’ thing. You can look at the questions here or you can randomly pick a number between 1 and 50. Last week was 47. This week is 13. And numbers 43, 33, 11, and 27 will get us through August. This week’s pick is courtesy of Jen and it’s an annoying one (which she will be super pleased about). The prompt is “thing(s) you’re worried about”. Ugh.

Everything? Is that an appropriate answer? I’m worried the world is collapsing. The U.S. certainly is. You can’t leave the house without worrying about a deadly virus and all its little mutations (well, I can’t. Other people don’t give a flip and just go around mouth-breathing on whoever they want. Asshats). Can’t even leave the house without worrying about being shot, whether it’s road rage or mass shootings or whatever. It’s insane. And during all of this shit, women are being denied safe access to healthcare. Don’t bother coming at me with your baby killer arguments. I’m not even talking about women who choose to abort pregnancies. I’m talking about women being forced to carry dying/dead fetuses because they aren’t allowed to have an abortion. I’m talking about women getting sick and potentially dying because their body doesn’t evacuate everything and they need the help of an abortion to clean things out. Abortions aren’t just about killing babies. The procedure is a treatment for many things. But the pro-lifers don’t think about anything like that. And it’s absolutely terrifying that politicians are making these decisions instead of doctors and their patients. That’s a slippery slope. The government already tries to tell me what kind of medical equipment I don’t need. Everything is a fight. Pretty soon, they’ll just start saying no to everyone who’s not rich enough to line their coffers.

And that’s just a tiny helping of the rational things I’m worried about. I have a tendency to take every scenario to a worst-case one. Even just sitting around the house, I worry about stupid things like sink holes and drunk drivers (even though it would be super hard for any vehicle to come crashing into our house) and planes falling from the sky and fire (I especially worry about that one at night) and power outages (again, more a night time fear). The list goes on forever. It’s disturbing how much I worry about things, usually stupid things. But I can’t stop.

None of that even touches on my personal worries. Like, what do I do when Dad drops dead? What does he do when I drop dead? Yes, we have plans in place, but I still worry. What if I’m alone forever? What if I actually find someone (which is even more scary than being alone)? What if I never succeed at anything ever again? School didn’t adequately prepare me for failure in my career choice. Why am I so horrible at being a person? I suck at maintaining relationships. I’m not good at speaking. I cry when I’m angry. Why am I such a mess? In other words, I worry about everything.

I think I should probably stop rambling and shove all of this back down into the deepest recesses of my soul where it belongs. Deep breaths. Force the smile until it becomes natural. There we go. Next week is book review time! These posts will start up again the week after. As always, feel free to leave a comment or question here or on my social media pages! And pick a number if you want. Jen picked two, so I guess I won’t count multiple choices as cheating.

Happy Birthday, Sis!

Howdy, howdy! It’s time for another short Jenae appreciation post. This time, it’s her actual birthday (June 8th). She’s my little sis, my found family, my forever friend. And she’s the bestest. Hugs and love and all of that sappy stuff to you! She knows I’m really bad at this openly affectionate stuff, so I hope she forgives me for being weird and creepy.

Happy birthday, Sis! Couldn’t find an appropriate picture, so you get your favorite prince!

You’re smart and sassy and gorgeous. I still wish your husband would let me marry you, just so we could wear fancy clothes and eat epic cake. Stop being a buzzkill, Matt! I kid. Maybe. Nah… it’s the distance that’s the buzzkill, not the hubby. Why do you have to be so far away? Ah well. It just means I have to admire you from afar. I would say it was good because this way you don’t have to know how creepy I really am, but you met me at peak cringe when I didn’t hide it at all and still didn’t run away. I think we’re good.

You’re a wonderful mother and friend and nerd. I’m so glad I get to watch you grow every step of the way. I love that you’re turning your kids into little nerds too. I know life gets crazy and difficult, but you always do your best with what you have. You listen to me complain and always know when I’m looking for actual help or just someone to plot revenge with. It’s usually the latter. We’ve planned so much chaos. You’re the best sidekick a villain could have.

Did I mention you’re gorgeous?

I love you, Sis. And I hope your birthday is awesome!

November Thanks

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing today? I’m still struggling with productivity and all of that. And I have no idea what to ramble about in these posts, since I can’t complain about current writing problems. Can’t have problems if you’re avoiding it. But, since it’s November, I guess I should write about things I’m thankful for. Thanksgiving is next week, but so is my book review post. It’s now or never, I guess. I know most people announce one thing a day for the entire month, but I’m too lazy for that. So, in no particular order, here are thirty things I’m thankful for at the moment.

1. Dad. Of course he starts off the list. This should be no surprise to anyone. He takes care of me, annoys me, and cooks me good food. What else do I need?

2. Little sis (Jenae). Chosen family is the best. You’re always there to listen and commiserate and just be random together. Love you, sis.

3. Danielle. For much the same reasons as Jen. Hugs!

4. Stonecoasters. We might not talk often, but they’re there when I need them.

5. Old Interwebz (Yahoo chat) friends. I still can’t believe I’ve known most of you like 15 years and you still keep me around. You’re weirdos and I love it.

6. Borden’s eggnog. Because eggnog. What else is there to explain?

7. Ghirardelli peppermint bark. See above.

8. Books. I just like reading, but I can also say they’re for work and not be lying. They don’t even have to be boring books. I can read all the genres and say I’m studying tropes and character development and all that jazz.

9. Medical technology. Wheelchairs and ventilators and patient lifts and suctions and pretty much everything that makes my life possible. They’re all great. It’s a pain in the ass to get them through the government (or absurdly expensive out of pocket), but life would suck without them.

10. Music. What would life be without it?

11. Anime. I liked it before it was cool.

12. X-men. Just heard Disney’s rebooting the ’90s cartoon and I’m cautiously excited. If it comes to fruition, I guess we have to get Disney+ in 2023.

13. Bats. They’re adorable.

14. Wombats. They’re adorable and poop cubes.

15. Octopuses. They’re just awesome in general.

16. Let’s make this easy and say most animals. I just like animals.

17. Computers. I wouldn’t have most of my friends without computers.

18. Grocery deliveries. Sure, it’s not ideal, especially when the packer doesn’t read your requests or has zero idea how to pick produce, but it’s made pandemic life easier. It means Dad doesn’t have to go to the store as often.

19. Doctor visits via webcam. I despise the trip to UT Southwestern, so these “telehealth” visits have been awesome. I don’t get to go to a restaurant afterwards, but with Covid, I don’t know if I’d want to stop anywhere anyway. I also like not having to get up early just to get there on time.

20. Pretty people. I know I’m not supposed to objectify people and all that, but whatever. I don’t harass people or make inappropriate comments to strangers. But I can still look. Cripples can be creepers too! I’m only creepy sometimes. I swear.

Animated people count as people. Artist: Lorinell

21. The fact that my friends accept my creepy side. You know who you are.

22. Spiked coffee. I haven’t had one in a while, but like knowing it’s an option.

23. British murder mysteries. They can be weird, but tend to be enjoyable.

24. All things rainbow. Contrary to popular opinion, my love of rainbow stuff has nothing to do with the LGBTQ+ scene (that’s just a happy bonus). I just like ridiculously colorful things.

25. Notebooks. I don’t use them, but love having them. It’s weird.

26. Boxes and baskets. Decorative storage. It’s another one of my weird likes because I don’t actually need them.

27. Cheese. That needs no explanation.

28. Pasta, bread, carbs. Again, no explanation needed.

29. Seafood. Actually, food in general.

30. That November only has 30 days, because I’m totally out of things I’m thankful for at the moment. I’m sure there are things hiding in the back of my brain, but they aren’t helping me out.

What are you thankful for? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or comments here or on my social media pages!

For My Little Sis

Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this beautiful June day? It’s actually kind of overcast as I’m writing this, but whatever. I’m sure that’s beautiful to someone. I have zero writing or publishing news. I’m a big slacker, I know. So, I wasn’t sure what I was going to blog about until I remembered what today (June 8th, because that’s when I’m writing this) is: Jen’s birthday! I know I’ve talked about her a little bit on here since she’s the one always drawing pictures for me to use as avatars, but I don’t think I’ve ever fully explained who she is to me. Today, I will properly introduce you.

I remembered yesterday too, but still.

I met Jen when we were 18 or 19 in a Yahoo chatroom. Oh goddesses. Was it really that long ago? Have we really known each other over 15 years? We’re getting old. But I digress. Honestly, I don’t even remember which one of us initiated contact or why, but that one random moment led to years of fun and friendship and sisterhood. We spent long nights (into early mornings) talking and RPing and complaining about the douchenozzles who kept telling us we weren’t doing it right if we didn’t adhere to their arbitrary and ridiculously detailed rules of that particular RP. She knows the main dude I’m talking about. It got to the point where we’d deliberately break his rules just to see how long it would take him to rage quit and sign off. Those were some good times.

The Yahoo chat years were great and sometimes weird and even downright sucky occasionally, but so much came after. She went to art school and got married and had kids. She’s constantly done artistic things over the years, like stained glass or making dolls or drawing. I’m always so proud of Jen. And, of course, there were not so good times. Stress, people disappearing without a word (because that’s a hazard of having Internet friends who live in different states or countries), family deaths. All the crappy stuff life throws at you. But we’ve made it through it all so far.

A picture she drew of us.

Jen is my little sis. She may not be blood and we haven’t gotten a chance to meet in person yet, but she’s part of my chosen family. I probably shouldn’t make assumptions, but I think I’m part of hers, too. (I better be!) We talk about anything and everything even though we constantly apologize for TMI. But it’s not really TMI because I’ve never really felt like anything was off limits. And I hope she feels the same. So, I’m going to say something I don’t say enough to anyone. I appreciate you, sis. And I love you. And now I’m going to stop because this is beginning to feel sappy. I’m not good at that.

Isn’t that just a glomp?

So, say hi and happy belated birthday to Jen! As always, feel free to leave your comments here or on my social media pages! Or you can go to her artist Instagram page! Later days.