Nice People

Sweet Nothings

~ shawnaborman ~ 7 Comments

Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are pretty okay. Just reading a lot and that’s about it. I try writing and eventually give up after a few days. Can’t even force it. Anyway, I’m not here to complain. It’s time for another of those “ask me about” prompts. I’ve done 13 (you can find the prompt list there) and 31. Today is 41. Next month I’ll answer 54 and 7. Feel free to pick more numbers to add to the list. But let’s see the prompt for today! Ask me about the nicest thing said to me…

Well, this is difficult. I’m not someone who knows how to deal with people saying nice things to me, so I usually just file them away as people being kind but not really meaning anything by it. Thus, I forget those things. You can only get so many “You’re so inspirational” and “If I were you, I’d never get out of bed” types of comments before you start realizing people are just nuts. Eh, that’s unfair. They think they’re being nice. It’s not. It’s low key ableism. But that’s not what this post is about! This is about my inability to take a compliment.

Unless those compliments are super weird, then I’m okay. I still remember the time the dude said my eyes were like blue crystal and he wanted to cut them out and hang them on the wall. A friend dude, not a stranger dude. Even I would be like “Stranger danger!” if I didn’t know the person. Don’t tell strangers things like this, please. Anyway, this same dude also told me that he forgets he doesn’t have to explain his creepiness to me and is glad I’m crazy too. So, those were good compliments.

Me trying to figure out how all my friends end up being creepy.

Believe it or not, he’s not even the weirdest person I know/have known. Anyway, I’ve also been told normal things too. Back when I was studying psychology at SMU, I had to take an extra random science course because one of the ones I did at Eastfield didn’t transfer. I chose Physics. The teacher dude lagged behind after lab one day just to tell me that psychology was kind of a science, but I should pursue a real science degree… preferably in physics. It was funny and weirdly nice. I would’ve if I’d had more time on my scholarship, but I didn’t and I would’ve needed too many math courses to catch up even if I had enough time for the regular physics degree, so somehow (blame Dad if you know the story) I ended up switching gears entirely… to English. So science-y, right?

I could probably list more nice things now that I’m thinking about it, but I won’t. It feels awkward to dwell on these things. I like randomly recalling them, but thinking about them in order to write about them is weird in the creepy way. So, your turn. What nice things have people said to you? As always, leave your thoughts and comments here or on my social media pages!

On Being an Inspiration (Without Being a Douchenozzle)

~ shawnaborman ~ 2 Comments

Hi everyone!  It’s that time of year again, I guess.  That time when I see a bunch of articles and blog posts floating around about how the people who call cripples “inspirational” are basically ableist asshats.  It seems to come in cycles, usually popping up around the holiday season when people are more likely to try to spread the love (it’s actually starting a little early this year).  Anyway, I feel like I’ve mentioned this before, but it needs repeating: they aren’t the asshats in this scenario, you are.

a78c4-asshat
Ain’t it cute?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand what most of these posts are trying to say, and I even kind of agree with the most basic message they’re attempting to convey.  I know I’m not actually inspirational, that I’m just doing what everyone else is doing (also known as living my life the only way I know how).  Yeah, I totally agree with that sentiment.  My problem with these rants about not being inspirational is that these people are being rude to people who are only being nice.  That is what I can’t get behind, so to speak.

Imagine (or if you’re a cripple/physically different in any way, you’ve probably lived it):  you’re at a restaurant and some happy-go-lucky cheerleader type comes up to you and says “OMG!  I just had to tell you that I think you are so beautiful.  It’s such an inspiration to see you out and about.  I don’t think I’d even be able to get out of bed if I were in your position.”  Now, keep in mind that this is the fourth time you’ve heard something like that this week and no one could keep track of how often you’ve heard it in your *insert age here* years on the planet.

Kinomoto_Sakura_full_846876
Sakura! But yeah, you all know the type.

What she literally meant:  “You’re an awesome person!”

What your jaded ears heard:  “You’re so disgusting.  How can you even leave the house, let alone your room?”

There are a number of ways you can respond in a situation like this.  For example, you can simply say thank you (my go-to response).  This usually results in a smile, possibly some small-talk, and a polite parting of the ways.  If you’re feeling particularly argumentative, you could respond with “Thank you.  I’m really nothing special, but you’re sweet.”  This could backfire into the lady listing the ways you are special, but at least you were nice about it!  Or you could let your cynicism reign and tear down someone who was only trying to let you know she thought you were cool, which makes you a douchenozzle.

tumblr_mb4f9do3Ws1rziwwco1_400
As these conversations always are.

What I’m getting at is that it’s nobody else’s fault that you’ve grown so cynical that you can’t take someone’s kind words at face value.  No, they aren’t being ableist and they aren’t making fun of you, they’re being nice.  Believe me, I’ve been in enough of these conversations to know that people don’t think that much when they speak.  It’s a unique experience for them, so their words simply mean what they mean, there’s nothing hidden underneath.  You only think there’s negativity in the words because you’ve had years to analyze a plethora of these conversations.  Stop overthinking it.  Nice people do exist.