Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this wonderful Wednesday? Things here are fine. Really. Nothing to complain about that’s important or relevant or even worth it. But I’m currently angry and tired and just want to scream or cry or something. I’m not actually going to do anything. I’ll bottle it all away for another day. Mostly because I don’t currently know why I’m feeling this way, so I can’t explain it, which just makes it even more annoying. Anyway. I’m tired. I’ll be back next week with a book review.
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things here are okay. I have nothing to ramble about, so Dad suggested that I rant about our ordering experience with Outback Steakhouse in Mesquite on Sunday. There’s so much stuff going on in the world that this is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so I feel like I’m just bitching to bitch. Which I guess I am. But it was annoying and I’m trying really hard to convince myself that I am allowed to feel my feelings and share them even though I know there are worse things happening right now. It’s okay to be made happy or annoyed or whatever by the little things even though major things are happening all around you. Right? I feel like I’ve seen a meme with that somewhere. Anyway, to the rant!
First, some background. I do not order through third party delivery sites. If I’m ordering food, I only want to deal with the restaurant, not some middleman who charges ridiculous fees. If the restaurant wants to outsource their deliveries, that’s fine as long as I don’t have to call DoorDash or whoever myself when no driver shows up. If I order through a restaurant’s website, I expect them to deal with any errors and they usually do. If they don’t, I never order from them again. This severely limits our options, but I don’t like middlemen and neither does Dad. Don’t get me wrong. I tried a couple of delivery services, but a few orders in and there’s inevitably a screw up and the delivery service blames the restaurant and vice versa, then it takes me multiple phone calls to both places just to get our money back. It’s not worth it to me.
Second, the facts. Sunday is my shower day, so Dad doesn’t feel like cooking after spending hours getting me ready for the week. Thus, we almost always order something that day. There are multiple steakhouses in Mesquite, but only two fit the criteria above: Outback and Saltgrass. The latter is more expensive for smaller portions and basically the same selection and quality, so it’s super rare for us to order from them. Outback has always been our go-to, even when we were still going out all the time. They didn’t have half their steaks or appetizers. It was weird. But we found things to order. So, I placed an order at 7:46pm (they close at 9:00pm). The email said the order was scheduled for delivery at 8:34pm. The confirmation page after the order was placed said the estimate was between 8:34pm and 8:44pm. I know they use DoorDash for their deliveries, so when I didn’t receive any tracking info by 8:30pm, I was antsy, but I had to wait until 8:45pm to call the restaurant because I’m weird and have to give people the full time they estimate or else I feel like a Karen. So, I called the restaurant at 8:45pm and got swapped around three times before the manager got on. I can’t remember her name, but she was polite and understanding. She acknowledged that our food was ready and had been waiting for an unspecified amount of time, but no one had picked it up. She offered to call DoorDash and find out what was going on, but admitted that since it was ten minutes to closing, the driver probably wouldn’t make it in time. She also offered to refund the order if I’d rather do that. I opted for the refund because it was late and I didn’t feel like dealing with it. But most places close early on Sundays around here. Even the places that are open late close delivery at 9:00pm or 9:30pm. So, Dad ended up having to warm up leftovers. On Monday, I filled out the “how did we do” text with my complaints. On Tuesday, I checked their website and most of the missing stuff was back, so I guess they somehow ran out of a bunch of stuff on Sunday. I also received a form text from the owner with the obviously vague apology and link to a $20 discount for our next order.
Third, the rant. I understand shit happens, but this is the second time this has happened recently. The first time was a fiasco because the dude didn’t know how to do his job, but at least this manager knew that since I ordered through them, she was supposed to fix it. I was really thrown by the lack of selection, but after checking the menu again, I realize they just ran out of things. How you run out of six appetizers and three or four steaks is beyond me, but whatever. I would blame the weather, but honestly, you’ve had time to restock. Their quality has also been really hit or miss lately. Another gripe is that the order sat there for who knows how long and no one bothered to call me and say “hey, we’re closing in half an hour and your order has been sitting here. What do you want to do?” Ideally they would’ve called DoorDash already so they could give me my options based on all the info. But either way, a call would’ve been nice. And last, the $20 discount is a joke. For one, that doesn’t even cover an entree anymore. It barely covers an appetizer (but yeah, keep telling us how great the economy is…). A couple years ago, it would’ve helped placate me. But it’s mostly annoying because there are zero instructions with it. All it says is “redeem now,” so I figured it was like everywhere else where it would be automatically added to my rewards account. Nope. It says you have 15 minutes to use it once you redeem it, so are you sure you want to do this? No. It doesn’t bother telling me if I need to sign in and get the order ready first or if I have to click it then only have 15 minutes to create the order and place it or what. Just add it to my account or send me a code to enter at checkout. Instead, they make it so difficult that people don’t use the discounts which is insulting because I know it was specifically designed to make people give up on using it. Ugh. Be more like Panera. They just add discounts to your rewards account and give you six months to use them. Easy peasy.
I’m done. I probably missed things, but oh well. See you next week!
Hello, hello! How’s everyone doing this lovely first Wednesday of August? It’s summer in north Texas, so things are toasty. It’s actually Tuesday and I’m preparing to stay up all night so I can have a phone meeting at 10:30 in the morning on Wednesday. Why, you ask. Because it’s easier than going to bed early, but still laying awake until 4am, just to get up at 8am to be in my chair and prepared to make the call at 10:30am. Yeah. Getting up is a whole 2-hour process. So, I hate anything before about 2pm. But I do love the nighttime. I’m usually pretty productive. But it’s also boring because all my friends have day jobs or kids or whatever and no longer lurk online all night with me. Ah well. I have stuff to do.
The plan includes, but isn’t limited to the following:
1. Catching up on reading. I’m a little behind on a couple of my review books. I somehow ended up with 4 books to review between now and Oct. 2nd. I should be reading the one for the end of this month and the one for mid-September, but I haven’t started the second one yet. I’m only two days behind, though. It’ll be easy enough to catch up tonight.
2. Do a couple of things for Dad. One involves his watch and the other involves signing him up for something. These things should be relatively quick.
3. At least read through a short story I started back in June. I should even try to work on it. This will depend on how long reading takes and whether or not I can find the motivation.
4. Mindless games. Especially when the first wave of tiredness hits around 4am. It usually takes about an hour to shake it off. Mindless games are great for this time.
5. X-Men cartoons. Maybe. I keep telling myself to watch the new one, but I haven’t yet. I also want to rewatch the old ones. Or maybe I’ll rewatch Gargoyles. Or The Weekenders if I can find it. Or maybe I’ll just skip TV. It’s not important.
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this first Wednesday of July? I’m annoyed as feck for two reasons. One I won’t talk about yet, because it’s an ongoing thing and I don’t want anyone involved to stumble upon a rant about it. Yet. The other thing is Medicaid bullshit, but it’s late (after 10pm because we also had visitors), so I’m not even going to write the rant I was planning. I’ve spent far too much time on the phone the last few days because no one knows anything. Tomorrow (today), will be another wasted day. So, I’m going to go eat and spend the next hour or so watching TV.
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Not a lot going on here. Just stupid government crap regarding my benefits. I can’t entirely blame the government for all my stress this time, because everything up until today was something else entirely and the people involved already know I’m not happy about how everything went down. Let’s just say stuff hasn’t been getting done in a timely manner. But today (Tuesday), I’ve spent far too much time trying to justify needing another hour of care every day. And I get it. The government doesn’t want to give just anyone benefits. They’re like giant companies that way. “You want healthcare and to be able to afford rent and food??? Damn commies.” But also, look at me. It’s pretty freaking obvious that I need care. I promise I’m not just a mooch. If they’d let me earn more than $1900 and change a month without screeching about taking my Medicaid away, I’d even try to be a productive member of society. But no. They don’t allow you to get to a stable place before they rip away the benefits that keep you alive. Just stay poor. Ugh. But that’s a different rant. Let’s get back on track.
I’m on a program called CLASS. They offer various services, but I only use the healthcare assistance service where they pay (actually Medicaid pays) for someone to take care of me. When I first got on the program at 18 after a ten year waitlist (yeah, no one even remembered signing up when we got the letter saying I was cripple enough for them), they only paid for outside help to come in. Eventually, they started paying family members, so Dad gets paid to take care of me. With all the prices on the rise and the fact that home healthcare works hadn’t gotten a raise in a ridiculous amount of time (because, you know, the Texas government), Dad requested an extra hour a day (no, he doesn’t get paid 24-hours a day because apparently the government thinks cripples are robots who just power down and require no assistance for far too many hours a day/night… as if normal human beings don’t have to pee or worse during sleep time, so cripples certainly don’t). But he’s up to 14 hours a day and the government is balking at a 15th hour. They’re forcing us to justify the request instead of just looking at my file and seeing my diagnosis (an incurable disorder that gets worse over time) and the fact that I have never asked for anything I don’t need and realizing that yeah, she needs help. It doesn’t help that they don’t reach out to me directly. There’s a middleperson. Things get lost in translation.
Anyway, it’s almost 8:00 and I’m getting hungry, so I’m going to stop ranting. But anyone who says cripples don’t work for their benefits and just get handouts have never had to deal with the government (state or federal). Fighting for shit I need is an entire job in itself. They should be paying me, but then they’d probably kick me off everything anyway. Blargh.
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this lovely Wednesday? Things finally seem to be cooling down a bit, so yay for that. I don’t have anything writerly or readerly to ramble about, so I thought I would share some random life updates. It’s nothing exciting or profound. Just mundane life crap. Annoyances. All of the stuff that I tend to overlook as topics of conversation because no one really wants to know, right? The “nothing much” that drifts through my mind when people ask what’s up. Proceed at your own risk (of boredom).
1. Annoying thing 1: Resolved. Dad gets paid to take care of me via a Medicaid program. Medicaid decided to go with a new clock in/out system this year and we have to switch over on Oct. 1st. The new company requires training to use their system and sent a notice to the people who handle payments and stuff (basically the middleman between me as the employer and Medicaid so that I don’t touch the money) that the employer (me) has to participate in a webinar or in-person training (just no to people). The latest webinar they offer is at noon. I’m not up and in my chair by noon and I didn’t want to break my sleep schedule for them to tell me how to use a program that’s pretty self-explanatory. Anyway, I did some digging and found online training videos and asked the middleman if I could just do that. She said they didn’t exist, so I emailed her the link. Two days later she emailed back that I could use them. Why didn’t they just send her those in the first place? So, that’s on my list of things to do this week.
2. Annoying thing 2: Resolved but requires monitoring. Medicare/Medicaid got hit by hackers and some of my information was among the stuff accessed. That’s always fun, right? They gave me free fraud monitoring through Experian, because they’ve proven to be unhackable… oh, wait. Anyway, I tried signing up for everything the day I got the letter, but the Experian website kept saying they couldn’t load the page. Got signed up the next day though, which is good because their customer service people went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the question I emailed them, then acted like that fixed everything. They did not get a good review. Ugh.
3. Our dog is a sadistic murderer. A few nights ago, she got hold of a small possum (maybe a large rat) and shook it into pieces. Of course she had to bring it in the house to play with it too. Dad found it’s liver in the kitchen despite the fact that she didn’t take it in there. Her doggy door is a little ways into the living room. She just whipped the poor thing around so much that bits flew, I guess. It was a traumatic event for everyone except Mardi. She tried to get another one (a little bigger) Monday night, but Dad was able to mostly keep her away from it. She’s a demon dog and once she fixates on something, it’s impossible to get her attention away from it.
4. Had a doctor appointment on Tuesday because I have a stubborn sinus infection. I took the antibiotic she called in a couple of weeks ago, but it came right back, so I went to see her. Got an allergy shot. Fingers crossed it works. She said to give it some time to work, then we can go get our flu shots and the new Covid vaccine.
5. I think I figured out how to fix my screenplay after all these years.
6. Carrie by Stephen King is so much worse than I remember. I guess when you’re 14 and devouring books one after the other everything seems better. It’s slow going this time.
I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t think of anything else. How’s life going for you? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or questions or whatever here or on my social media pages!
Howdy, howdy! What’s everyone up to on this lovely day? Not much going on here. I’ve been hermitting hard. I’m not really avoiding people, but I’m not initiating contact much. Sorry! But anyway… tomorrow is Jenae’s birthday, so I have to take a minute to squee! Happy early birthday, Sis! Love yous! And now back to our regularly scheduled program: the ask me about stuff. I’ve done 13, 31, and 41. Today is 54. Next week is 7. Feel free to pick a number or two to add to the list. The prompts are in the post for 13. Today, apparently we’re going all the way back to school with… “Ask me about what I hate most about school.”
School was a long time ago. Like 8.5 years ago. That’s weird to think about. But I suppose what I hated the most were group projects. I’m very much the kind of person who sits back and let’s the group decide on the hierarchy, then I volunteer for the key elements (mostly putting together the slideshows on top of whatever section I’m assigned), so that I have a reason to relentlessly prod people to finish their part in a timely manner and get it to me. And if the leader was useless, I’d gently usurp the role because no one else actually cared. I wasn’t about to get a bad grade because other people sucked. The only group project I didn’t mind was for a research methods class. We had to work together on the experiment, but were only graded on our individual papers. That was a nice assignment.
I also despised prissy professors. The ones who acted like they were superior to everyone and if they didn’t like something, it was drivel. Those people in general annoy me, but teachers like that were the worst. Like the first year creative writing professor I had at SMU who told me I was a great writer, but that genre fiction was an unworthy pursuit. Like… my dude. All those authors of old that you worship were the pop fiction writers of their time. Chill. My classmates seemed to enjoy my stories, weirdness and all, so it was like fifteen people vs. one. I think I did okay with pleasing my audience.
And teachers who don’t clearly tell you their needs/expectations then blame you when they screw up. Like the statistics teacher who “didn’t know” that I would need to take my tests in the disability center despite the email I sent before the semester even started, the letter I hand delivered the first day of class outlining my accommodations, and the first test that I took in the disability office with no issues whatsoever. She just forgot and got mad at me for “not telling” her. If she needed reminders, she should’ve admitted it. None of my other teachers ever needed them, so I didn’t think about it. Needless to say, I inundated her with reminders for every test afterwards to the point where I knew I was being annoying and asked every teacher after that semester up front if they would like me to remind them about tests. Don’t yell at your students because you forgot something. Ugh.
I got lucky. There wasn’t too much to hate about school in general. I like learning. Most of my issues had to do with accessibility on the campuses, which varied from school to school. What did you hate about school? As always, feel free to share your responses and whatnot here or on my social media pages!
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone’s Wednesday going? Things are fine here. It’s that time of year again where I’m supposedly getting older. Tomorrow (the 12th) is my birthday. Probably just going to order Greek for dinner and spend the day writing. Unless I use it as an easy day and just goof around. Haven’t decided yet. Anyway, I’m skipping the book number thing this week in favor of a random about me thing. I don’t know why I started doing this. It takes forever. But whatever. I’m 37, so here are 37 random things about me.
Tomorrow, anyway.
1. I’ve written creative words every day this year. A whole 10 days. I’m trying to stick to a schedule where on Sunday, Tuesday (or whatever day I write my blog post that week), and a lazy day of my choice, I write 100 words on the current novel attempt. The other four days, I’m aiming for 1,000 words. At least until I finish a first draft (the goal is approximately 90,000 words for this one). It’s basically my old schedule, but with no zero word days because it’s too easy to talk myself into quitting right now if I don’t write words. So far, so good.
2. I haven’t gone anywhere (where I left the van) aside from yearly doctor appointments and a couple of trips to a hardware store that’s usually empty since Covid started. I’m mostly okay with this.
3. I do miss going to restaurants and the occasional concert, but that’s about it.
4. Telehealth visits are wonderful. It means we don’t have to drive all the way to UT Southwestern just to wait 45 minutes for a five minute chat. I like my doctor there and wouldn’t mind meeting her face-to-face (we haven’t because my old pulmonologist retired after Covid started, so computer visits were already a thing when she took over), but I like not having to leave the house too.
5. I’ve become fond rye and ginger beer.
6. Kraken rum and Pepsi is pretty good too.
7. I’m not a sot. I swear. I have a drink maybe once a week.
8. I still have most of my Kah reposado and Republic anejo tequilas. Mostly because I don’t have anyone to sit around and sip booze with once in a while, but whatever. If I were a tosspot, they would be gone.
9. It’s that time of year where I panic because I have a scratchy throat (Flu! Covid! Dying!) only to remember that it’s Mountain Cedar season, so my options are living with a scratchy throat/excess mucus/sinus headache or live in a Benadryl/Zyrtec haze for the next couple of months if things get unbearable. This is just my life now.
10. I despise ordering groceries from Kroger. There’s almost always some kind of glitch on their website. They never tell you what’s out of stock until it’s too late to modify the order. Canceling orders is ridiculous and there’s a 50/50 chance it’ll still show up. Plus, most of the time, they don’t have a previously ordered section to make life easier.
11. Walmart is better, but the few times we’ve ordered dairy or produce through them, it went bad within a few days despite the best by dates being reasonably far away. It’s weird.
12. Amazon Fresh is pretty good, but they have the worst meat selection. The diversity of the selection is good, but they only sell them in one pound portions most of the time. We can’t survive on that.
13. Tom Thumb is our go to, but only because Dad can call them up and they usually fix things. Usually.
14. I’m already running out of things to say about myself in case the ordering groceries mini rant didn’t make it obvious. Talking about myself is hard.
15. I’m great at bottling everything up, but expressing feelings and shit is hard. I keep my responses to everything (good or bad) moderate and I don’t know how to fix it. How do I show excitement or happiness? The anger and rage can stay in the box in the abyss of my soul, but I would like to become better at expressing the good stuff.
16. I’m not a physically affectionate person. At all. I can’t be. It’s not like I can randomly hug people or whatever. And I have a super hard time asking for things that I actually need to survive and/or be comfortable (the whole burden mentality is a bitch to outgrow), so I just can’t see myself ever asking for cuddles or whatever. I don’t know how to fix this either.
17. And now I’m super uncomfortable with the last two shares, but it’s getting late and I still have too many to go, so I guess I’ll leave them.
18. Despite my aversion to being touched (one reason I’m not affectionate), one of my favorite A-Kon (anime convention) memories is of the dude who rubbed all up on me in the Sheraton bar. He asked if he could love on me and then massaged my arms and knees while whispering sweet nothings at me. He asked if I was okay with what was happening every time he switched hand placement. I’ve never felt more comfortable with a stranger touching me. It was weird and innocent and amusing. And I still randomly think of him and hope he’s doing well.
19. I also randomly think of the dude and his friend who gave me a lap dance at Lazerz when I was like 20. That was strange and not something I would let happen now, but I was young and stupid and didn’t really care about being touched as long as something pretty was dancing for me.
20. I know I shouldn’t objectify people, but I can’t help it. I enjoy eye candy. I’m not a dick about it. It’s not like I catcall people on the street or harass them online. I appreciate from afar and mind my manners.
21. I don’t understand expensive coffee. Dad decided to try some Kona coffee and it’s good, but it tastes like… coffee. Same with chocolate and wine and stuff. I’m just not sophisticated enough, I guess.
22. I am eternally tired. It doesn’t matter how well I sleep (not that I sleep well often). I wake up tired.
23. I get irrationally upset when I find a book with a good story and characters I enjoy, but it’s full of continuity errors, typos, and punctuation errors. It’s so disappointing, but I usually rage read it just to have something to rant to myself about at night. So much potential just absolutely ruined by a horrible editor (or lack of an editor).
24. I’ve been working on this list for three hours. I’m so uninteresting. Sorry. But at least it’ll only take you a few minutes to read.
25. I love peppermint bark. In chocolate form or coffee form or whatever. You can’t go wrong with chocolate and peppermint.
26. I always say I need to catch up on anime or tv shows I don’t watch with Dad, but if I have time, I end up playing mindless games while listening to loud music.
27. Years ago, I stopped playing video games because crippleness (my last big mobility loss affected my arms and hands and I lost the ability to lean forward on my own). That was before adaptive controllers existed. Now, I hesitate about getting back into them because they are/were addictive. I get sucked into my mindless games occasionally. Can you imagine what would happen if it was a game I actually liked?
28. I wouldn’t mind dancing around and being stupid with people. I don’t think I’ve done any dancing with others since Stonecoast. Used to dance at anime conventions and clubs. That’s not happening any time soon. If I had local friends aside from the Minion, I’d say we have a backyard, but everyone is so far away. You guys suck. Not really.
29. My coping mechanisms for life in general could probably be better. A dark sense of humor and self-deprecation have helped me survive this long, though, so I won’t change anything.
30. I started following other cripple people on social media and found out that pee math is a thing cripples have to do. Calculating how much they can drink and knowing where the bathrooms they can use are, etc. I mostly eliminated that a long time ago by training myself to just hold it, but I still have to do it for all day events. I have to know which drinks I can have and when I can have them so I can make it home. Or we have to drag my lift with us and that’s more trouble than just doing the math. But yeah. Pee math is a thing you know about now. You’re welcome!
31. Amazon started doing Kindle Reading Challenges and the only thing I get out of them are little bookmark icons that do nothing and can’t be seen by anyone but me. They don’t even send a congratulations for completing the challenge. But I get so ticked off if I fail to get one of the stupid things. Is that weird?
32. Mardi has me trained to go get her when she nudges my feet and whines while Dad’s out in the garage or running errands. Then she just wants back down two minutes later. Spoiled pupper is spoiled.
33. I’m currently craving flan and I don’t know why. It’ll pass.
34. I’m far too old and boring to be making these kinds of lists. There’s nothing interesting about me that people don’t already know. Ugh.
35. Surprisingly, I’d rather be working on the novel than this post. I never thought that would happen. But I’m sure as soon as I schedule this and open the file to write my 100 words it’ll be like pulling teeth. I’m never satisfied with anything until I’m done.
36. Holy shit. This post is about 1,700 words according to the WordPress word count thingie. No wonder I hate it.
37. Gott Ist Ein Popstar by Oomph is a decent song to end this list to. It’s what’s playing right now.
Sorry for the length. As always, feel free to leave comments or whatever here or on my social media pages!
Howdy, howdy! How’s everyone doing this week? Things are pretty much the same here. Got my flu shot last week. Should be eligible for a Pfizer booster soon. Other than that, I don’t have any reason to leave the house for the foreseeable future. I’m mostly okay with this. I should really buckle down and start writing steadily again. My slushing duties are basically done until the next submission period, so I have zero excuses to avoid writing. I just have to get back in the rhythm. NaNoWriMo is fast approaching. I’m not participating (I write far too slowly for that), but it’s always encouraging to see others’ progress. And progress is what I’m going to ramble about today.
I was watching NCIS the other night and Gibbs said something that I keep thinking about even though I’ve heard it before. “It’s about progress, not perfection.” I guess when Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes a motivational poster, it just hits different. But actually, it’s not originally from all the self-help crap (like motivational posters) floating around. According to Google, the quote’s origins are from the AA book (something to do with focusing on spiritual progress rather than trying to achieve spiritual perfection), but it’s shortened version has spilled over into common use pretty much everywhere (exercise, writing, art, etc.).
As a perfectionist, it’s difficult for me to appreciate the idea of progress. That affects my writing. It took me years to accept that nothing I write will ever be perfect, to just say it’s the best I can currently do and toss it out into the world as is. And I still struggle to see progress from piece to piece, since everything is different. It also takes me forever to write because I’m one of those weirdos who edit as they go, especially on short pieces, so I don’t always get to see the progress of a story through multiple drafts. It’s part of the reason I’ve been avoiding writing lately. I’m mostly just annoyed that I don’t seem to be moving forward. I can handle rejection. It’s the feeling of being stuck that I’m having trouble with.
But I need to suck it up and get over it. In my head, I know this. Actually doing the sucking up and getting over is proving much harder in practice than in theory. However, if I have no words on the page, I’ll never see any progress. I won’t have anything to mold into something resembling perfection. I have to write. Creativity is hard. Ugh.
Even Chuck thinks so.
Okay, I’m done whining and rambling. I will strive to see my own progress instead of aiming for perfection. I’ll try not to let myself feel mired in mediocrity. A forward motion. That’s what I’ll try to achieve. Self pep talks (read that as pep talks in general) are not my forte, so I’m going to stop now.
Anyway, what are some words of wisdom that help motivate you? What doesn’t help? As always, feel free to share your thoughts or comments or questions here or on my social media pages! I’ll try to think of something better to ramble about next week.
Shawna's Blog of Doom 