Hello once again! It’s time for the next installment of the impromptu Q&A. This week’s topic is brought to you by my Minion (Joel Rede). He chose 19, which is “discuss your first love.” Why the Minion is interested in my lack of a love life is beyond me, but whatever. This is actually something I don’t really talk about with anyone, so forgive me if it gets a little weird.
So, what exactly is a first love? I could tell you about my first crush, or the first boy I loved like a sibling, or I could simply say I’ve never had one because I’ve never dated anyone. All of those stories would be true, but at the same time, they’d be a lie. I think first love is something we have to identify for ourselves. Each of our experiences are different. Some first loves are amazing and some are heartbreaking. Then, there’s the kind that’s neither breathtakingly beautiful nor Earth-shatteringly horrible, it simply is what it is. That’s the way mine was.
Don’t get me wrong, my first love was a lot of things. It was unconventional (back before “we met online” became an acceptable meet-cute outside of the nerd circle). It was terrifying. It was beautiful in its own way. And, ultimately, it was probably unrequited. But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world, because it was exactly what I needed at the time.
When I met First Love (the person), I was eighteen, maybe nineteen. I was hanging out in the Yahoo chatrooms when I spotted a screenname that intrigued me. After a few minutes of stalking him, I got bored, pounced on him, and stole his boxers (it was this whole running joke between my friends and I back then, don’t ask). We goofed around and talked in the chatroom for a while, then he eventually PMed me and the rest was history as they say.
Back then, I was in a really dark place. First Love was the first person I felt comfortable enough showing the darkness to and he accepted it. He never tried to tell me I shouldn’t be having those thoughts or feelings. He didn’t try to change me. He simply supported me when I needed it and talked me through things when I needed a dialogue. It was terrifying, because he was the first person to see all the parts of myself that I hate and claim to love me for it. Even when I pushed away, he was there. Granted, he lives in the UK, so I never had to deal with any of those “let’s meet” conversations (which I probably would’ve shut down right away), but for many years, he was there just to talk to and be sweet talked by. Like I said, it was what I needed at the time.
Not to mention his influence on my music tastes and the like. I was mostly punk and metal before First Love came around. Ugh. The things we do for love. But, eventually life started getting in the way. We both had University (his word, not mine). Our chances to talk faded away. I’m glad I got to know him, but I’m happy he got a life outside of the Interwebz. He deserves so much better than talking to me all the time.
Feel free to discuss your first love! You know where to find me.